New Product Comic Strips - Page 40
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1000 Results for New Product
View 391 - 400 results for new product comic strips. Discover the best "New Product" comics from Dilbert.com.
Wednesday August 25,
2004
Tags greetings earthlings, planetary annihilation, break room, new coffee stirrers
Transcript
"Greetings, earthling. I bring you either wisdom or planetary annihilation. The choice is yours." "Stay in the break room. I'll go get my leader." "Very well." "The new coffee stirrers are great, but I got the last one."
Wednesday July 25,
2012
Tags writers, product descirption, 26 oclock, fleemsday, group writing, real
Transcript
Tina: Can we schedule a time to write the product description together? Dilbert: Sure. How about 26 o'clock next Fleemsday? Tina: That's not a real time. Dilbert: It's as real as the productivity of group writing.
Friday October 15,
2004
Tags new voice presdient, right and wrong, customers project, hate the most, charge for time
Transcript
The Boss: "Our new vice president of ethics will help you decide what's right and wrong." Wally: "When we talk to him, what customer's project should we charge for our time?" The Boss: "Whichever one we hate the most."
Wednesday November 10,
2004
Tags revenue, people killed by product, health risks, kills people
Transcript
The Boss: "Our revenue is now double the number of people that our product has killed recently." Asok: "Our product costs $80. Are you saying that each one kills 40 people?" The Boss: "Our customers know the health risks, so technically they're killing themselves." Group: "So technically we aren't scum?"
Monday November 15,
2004
Tags product development, brain storm ideas, boredom, chocolate cake, after lunch, roast beef mittens
Transcript
Product development The boss: first we'll cover the walls with brain storm ideas. How about something that turns boredom into chocolate cake? The Boss: I should have done this after lunch. Roast beef mittens?
Tuesday December 28,
2004
Tags having massive layoffs, new server, reorganization, three divisons
Transcript
You'll want our new server software after your reorganization. "Reorganization?" "Next week you're having massive layoffs and eliminating three divisions." "Your "I haven't heard anything" face needs works."
Sunday March 14,
1999
Tags dogcart wrecking company, special, srushing, new car, parking lot, cost, monthly plan, free model of car, crush little one, crush boss car
Transcript
Dogbert stands on Wally's desk, wearing a hardhat. Dogbert says, "I'm from the Dogbert Wrecking Company." Dogbert continues, "I'm running a special on crushing your boss' new car in the parking lot." Wally asks, "What does it cost?" Dogbert: "The first one is free." Dogbert adds, "If you're satisfied, I hope you'll consider my monthly plan." Wally is standing at the window with Dogbert, pointing outside. "It's the red one. He brags about it every day." The Boss is standing in front of Wally and Dilbert, holding up a model car. The Boss explains, "And when you spend that much, the dealer gives you a free model of your car!" There is a car horn heard off in the distance. Wally is slipping Dogbert a stack of bills. He adds, "And next month can you crush the little one on his desk too?"
Sunday June 20,
1999
Tags Catbert, evil director, new engineer, cheap, huge raise, under budget, static electricity, fuzzy cute, dead now
Transcript
Title reads: "Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources." Catbert is at his desk. He says to Dilbert, "I hired a new engineer for your project." Catbert unveils the new engineer. He is a joke. His tongue hangs out of his mouth, his eyes are wide, his collar is up and one side of his shirt is untucked. Catbert says, "He's never been an engineer before." Dilbert listens as Catbert continues, "But YOU'RE an engineer, so how hard could it be?" Catbert adds, "And he's cheap! I'll get a huge raise for being under budget." Dilbert is getting furious. Catbert exclaims, "And your project will fail! Ha Ha Ha Ha!" As the new engineer reaches towards him, Catbert realizes, "Uh-oh. I laughed myself full of static electricity." The new engineer thinks, "Fuzzy. Cute." and pets Catbert. "Zap!" Dilbert, standing over the body of the new engineer, asks, "He's dead. Now what?" Catbert replies, "I guess you'll have to drag him to the meetings."
Sunday August 22,
1999
Tags stressed alice, role model, deadlines, pride, no ambition, glory, new vp, student ready, master appear
Transcript
Wally stands in Alice's cubicle with a coffee cup. Alice works at her computer. Wally says, "There is no reason to be stressed, Alice." Wally says, "Allow me to be your role model." Wally says, "I remain calm despite the pressure of impossible deadlines." ALice says, "That's because you have no pride and no ambition!" ALice says, "I've worked day and night to make this deadline!" ALice says, "And when I suceed, the glory will be mine!" Ted pokes his head around the cubicle wall and says, "Our new VP just canceled the project so the last vp would look bad." Wally says, "They say that when the student is ready, the master will appear."
Sunday December 12,
1999
Tags new employees, sophie, engineer, incompetent husband, agree to relocate, talent, addition, squirrel heads, engineering
Transcript
The boss pokes his head into Dilbert's cubicle and says to Dilbert: "Dilbert, come meet the two new employees." The boss introduces Dilbert to the new employee and they both extend their hands to shake. The boss says: "This is Sophie, one of the best engineers in the business." Dilbert thinks: "the drawing of a heart" The boss points to the other new employee and says: "The other one is her imcompetent husband." The boss stands between the two new employess and says: "We had to hire him so Sophie would agree to relocate." The husband says to the boss: "Are you saying I didn't get hired for my talent." Sophie says to her husband: "You don't have any talent, honey" The husband answers: "Oh, that's right." The boss stands with his back to the husband and says to Dilbert: "Dilbert, your job is to do his job in addition to your own." Dilbert is sitting at his computer with Sophie's husband to his side. The husband says: "Do you want to see my collection of squirrel heads?"

