Ten Percent Raise Comic Strips - Page 40

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473 Results for Ten Percent Raise

View 391 - 400 results for ten percent raise comic strips. Discover the best "Ten Percent Raise" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 07, 2014's comic on:


Tags #assumption, #business ethics, #buy prodcuts, #corporate strategy, #corporation, #customer centric, #etiquette & ethics, #evil, #executives, #ideas, #marketing campaign, #monopoly, #needs, #needs of customers, #psychological manipulation

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CEO: I welcome any input on our corporate strategy. Dilbert: I think we need to be more customer-centric. CEO: You mean raise our prices? Dilbert: I mean focus on the needs of our customers. CEO: You mean we should be a monopoly so they need us? Dilbert: Um, no. We should find out what they need and then give it to them. CEO: They need to buy our products. Dilbert: They probably don't. CEO: So you're saying our marketing campaign should use psychological manipulation to make people think they need our products. You finally had a good idea. Dilbert: I'm going to stop talking now.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 12, 2014's comic on:


Tags #employees, #learn from coworkers, #busy worers, #request, #no one helps, #learning, #business

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Boss: Asok, the best way to advance your career is by learning as much as you can from co-workers. Asok: Can you show me what you are doing? Alice: Come back in ten years when I'm not busy. Asok: No one will help me learn anything. Boss: You learned that!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 16, 2014's comic on:


Tags #choosing, #wages, #scientific reaserch, #happiness, #more money, #renounce science, #el gato diablo, #psychology, #money

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Catbert: According to scientific research, your happiness will not increase if you make more money. Therefore, I can only authorize a raise for you if you renounce science. Say it! Say you renounce science! Dilbert: El gato diablo!

Donuts 'N Vodka

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Donuts 'N Vodka - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 22, 2014's comic on:


Tags #cognitive control, #hiring, #job interview, #self control, #temptation, #prediction of success, #donut, #laptop, #bottle vodka, #resist

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Catbert: Your experience is impressive, but a better predictor of success is your cognitive control. I will leave you for ten minutes with a donut, a laptop full of inappropriate videos, and a bottle of vodka. Try to resist them. Man: Yee-ha! Mmm-mm! Catbert: Do not go in there.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 02, 2014's comic on:


Tags #obliviousness, #time management, #touch, #touching, #touching paper, #turn off phone, #ignore email, #one touch, #salad tongs, #on etouch, #interupted

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Boss: The key to good time management is touching each piece of paper once. If I can only touch it once, I'd better do it right. I'll need to make sure I don't get interrupted after the first touch.Turn off my phone, close my door, and ignore email. Okay, here goes one touch. Ugh. This will take an hour and I only have ten minutes. Make a copy, throw away the original, and don't let me touch the copy until I have an hour in my schedule. I wonder if I'm allowed to use salad tongs.

Asok The Stock Picking Genius

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Asok The Stock Picking Genius - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 25, 2015's comic on:


Tags #day trader, #greed, #investing, #luck, #money, #stock market, #stocks

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Asok: I bought my first stock and it went up five percent in one week!That means I'm a stock-picking genius. I plan to max out all of my credit cards and become a day-trader. Dilbert: The total market is up six percent. Asok: That's just luck. It can't do that forever.

Alice Has Foul Language

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Alice Has Foul Language - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 10, 2015's comic on:


Tags #offense, #language, #joke, #jokes, #human resources, #complaint, #business

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Boss: Tina complained that your foul language is creating a hostile work environment. Alice: That's ridiculous. Words are totally harmless. Tell Tina she can... [Ten Seconds Later. The boss is twitching] Okay, I see it now.

Only Masochist Would Live Here

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Only Masochist Would Live Here - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 25, 2015's comic on:


Tags #hiring, #jobs, #talent, #masochist, #masochism, #expectations, #work ethic, #work environment

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CEO: Here's my list of the ten qualities I want in all new employees. Catbert: A person with all of these qualities would also need to be a masochist to work here. CEO: Write that in.

Ceo Delegates From A Distance With Catbert

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Ceo Delegates From A Distance With Catbert - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 03, 2015's comic on:


Tags #punishment, #cat, #throwing, #executives, #animals

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CEO: I love having a football-sized evil director of Human Resources. Now I can delegate from a distance. Catbert: I sense disgruntled employees in that direction! Launch! CEO: You'll have to walk after the first ten feet.

Employees Are Our Most Valuable Asset

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Employees Are Our Most Valuable Asset - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 05, 2015's comic on:


Tags #statement, #value, #motivation, #backfire, #praise

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Boss: People are our most valuable asset. Dilbert: I will remind you of that when I ask for a raise. Alice: Me, too. Boss; It blew up in my face.