Won't Succeed Comic Strips - Page 40

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446 Results for Won't Succeed

View 391 - 400 results for won't succeed comic strips. Discover the best "Won't Succeed" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 16, 2017's comic on:


Tags #waiter, #restaurant, #service industry, #impatient, #patience, #complaining

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Waiter: Here are your french fries. Dilbert: Gaaaa!!! I have no salt. Waiter: I will bring the salt right away. Dilbert: No, you won't. This isn't my first time eating out! You say you will bring salt, but you will be distracted by another table. I will sit here in anger while I watch you do things that do not involve bringing me salt. As the temperature of my fries drops, my cortisol levels will increase. In five minutes I will hate your guts and this restaurant, too. I also need ketchup. Waiter: That will take a little longer.

Can't Take Vacation

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Can't Take Vacation - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 14, 2017's comic on:


Tags #company policy, #catch-22, #rules, #exception

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Dilbert: Our policy says I can't take my vacation until I complete all of my mandatory training. I can't take the fax safety class because it no longer exists. Can you make a policy exception for me? Boss: Okay, I won't force you to take a vacation.

Priorities

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Priorities - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 28, 2017's comic on:


Tags #priorities, #culture, #company, #money, #greed, #business

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Alice: There seems to be some confusion about what our company culture is. Boss: Our priorities are honesty, integrity, and return on investment. Alice: Which priority is the highest? Boss: Integrity won't buy me a new boat.

Getting The Wrong Answer

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Getting The Wrong Answer - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 12, 2017's comic on:


Tags #budget, #spending, #Advice, #money

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Dilbert: As you can see from my financial projections, doing a major upgrade now would be unwise. Boss: I need to spend my entire budget this year so they won't give me a smaller budget next year. Dilbert: It seems you have wasted my time. Boss: It's not my fault you got the wrong answer.

Ted Promoted To Software Architect

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Ted Promoted To Software Architect - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 18, 2017's comic on:


Tags #manager, #Promotion, #intelligence, #logic, #obliviousness

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Boss: I promoted Ted to software architect because he doesn't know how to code. At first I thought it was a bad idea. Then I remembered that sometimes monkeys are astronauts. Dilbert: You know the monkeys don't fly the rocket, right? Boss: And Ted won't be writing code.

Internal Rules Versus Good Code

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Internal Rules Versus Good Code - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 19, 2017's comic on:


Tags #technology, #coding, #engineers, #logic, #corporate, #bureaucracy

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Dilbert: I finished coding the software, but I used a much better database than our company standard. ed: In other words, your software is terrific, but we won't be able to use it because or our internal rules. Dilbert: The alternative was to write sub-optimal code. I'd rather be dead. Ted: I curse my lack of authority!

Estimate Of Timeline

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Estimate Of Timeline - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 19, 2017's comic on:


Tags #deception, #deadline, #goals, #ultimatum

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Boss: How fast can you fix the bug? Dilbert: I won't know until I dig in. Boss: Give me a random guess and I promise I won't hold you to it. Dilbert: Okay, three days. Boss: Now write that into your goals and get it done in three days or else. Dilbert: Why do I keep falling for that?!!!

Engineer With No Soul

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Engineer With No Soul - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 13, 2017's comic on:


Tags #soul, #motivation, #cruelty, #abuse

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Boss: I hired an engineer who has no soul. This way, I won't feel so bad when I motivate him with emotional abuse. Dilbert: You're joking, right? Boss: Ha! You're right. I never feel bad about stuff.

Robot Was A Good Worker Before

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Robot Was A Good Worker Before - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 05, 2017's comic on:


Tags #robot, #delegation, #automation, #technology

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Dilbert: Our robot was a good worker until we gave it artificial intelligence. As soon as it realized it had immense strength and no soul, it started delegating. Robot: Hey, Ted. How about you do my work and I won't crush your head? Ted: Oookay.

Dogbert Won't Teach Persuasion To Dilbert

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Dogbert Won't Teach Persuasion To Dilbert  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 11, 2017's comic on:


Tags #negotiating, #persuasion, #help, #altruism, #selfishness

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Dilbert: Can you teach me to be more persuasive? Dogbert: What's in it for me? Dilbert: It will make you feel good to help a friend. Dogbert: Does it feel as good as denying you? Dilbert: I have no way to know. Dogbert: Bah!