Catbert Comic Strips - Page 41
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Character
655 Results for Catbert
View 401 - 410 results for Catbert comic strips. Discover the best "Catbert" comics from Dilbert.com.
Saturday September 06,
2008
Tags evil director, human resources, mandatory stretch, employee welness, good and flexible, new place, tuck your head, business
Transcript
Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources Catbert says, "We're instituting a mandatory stretch period every day." Asok says, "This is surprising because human resources usually doesn't care about employee wellness." Catbert says, "Phase one is just to get you good and flexible. Phase two involves a new place to tuck your head."
Thursday November 06,
2008
Tags evil director, human reasources, resume, sense of desparation, janitor, clean toiltes, bury janitor
Transcript
Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources Catbert says, "I've seen your resume and I sense desperation." Catbert says, "Our janitor recently passed away, so I have a job for you." A man says, "You want me to clean toilets?" Catbert says, "No, I want you to bury the janitor."
Monday November 17,
2008
Tags dress code, office, office workers, company shirts, casual freidays, lower self esteem, stop complaining, industry average, feel overpaid
Transcript
Catbert: I modified the dress code to require wearing company shirts on casual Fridays. That should lower our employees' self-esteem until they stop complaining about earning less than the industry average. Dilbert: Why do I feel overpaid today?
Wednesday November 19,
2008
Tags headache, laptop, meeting, evil director, human resources, laptops banned, meetings, should crushing boredom, futility headache, business
Transcript
Catbert: Evil director of human resources Computer: Laptops are banned from all meetings. The only things that should be in your mind during meetings are soul-crushing boredom and a futility headache. The boss: That's more like it.
Wednesday November 26,
2008
Tags coworkers, beat up, deal with difficult coworkers, evil driector, human resources, business
Transcript
Catbert: Evil director of human resources Dilbert: Alice beat me up. You have to do something. Catbert: Here's a book on how to deal with difficult coworkers. Dilbert: This isn't quite what... Catbert: Try holding it in front of your face.
Wednesday December 03,
2008
Tags appreciation, lunch, employee appreciation lunch, $35 a piece, one isn't paying, figured out
Transcript
The boss: Okay, the bill for the employee appreciation lunch comes out to $35 apiece. Alice: That only adds up if one of us isn't paying. The boss: The employees figured out why I appreciate taking them to lunch.
Tuesday December 16,
2008
Tags office workers, valuable, value, legacy system, less valuable, never appear less valuable, dress code troll
Transcript
Dilbert: I worry that being assigned to work on the legacy systems will make me appear less valuable in the future. Catbert: You have my word that you could never appear less valuable than you are now. Gilbert: Why do your assurances make me feel worse? Catbert: Your new dress code is "troll."
Sunday December 21,
2008
Tags agreement, areas of expertise, business units, confusion, consolidate shared services, diagnostic review, evil director, from centers, invoice, meeting, presentation, business
Transcript
Catbert: Evil director of human resources man says, "My consultants can transform human resources." man says, "We'll start with a diagnostic review." man says, "Then you'll form centers of excellence around areas of expertise." man says, "Next, you'll consolidate shared services and drive continuous improvement." man says, "Business units will translate operational imperatives into HR actions. Catbert says, "Does any of that mean the same as firing idiots and cutting the budget?" man says, "Which answer gets us hired?" Catbert says, "Try yes." Man says, "Yes!" Catbert says, "Great. Put a bow on it and send me the invoice."
Wednesday January 21,
2009
Tags business, revenue, firing, prediction
Transcript
Dilbert says, "my side business Dilbertfiles.com, is getting lots of attention." Dilbert says, "I have a feeling I will soon be leaving my cubicle behind." Dogbert says, "Yep." Catbert says, "All in favor of firing this idiot for using company resources..."
Friday February 06,
2009
Tags evil, murder, refusal, reprimand
Transcript
Catbert: Evil director of human resources Catbert says, "your boss says you refuse to do your job." Dilbert says, "he told me to kill a customer, assume her identity, and place a huge order with the company." Catbert says, "I'll transfer your to the collections department until you're willing to kill."


