Dogbert Comic Strips - Page 41

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View 401 - 410 results for dogbert comic strips. Discover the best "Dogbert" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags stupid things, breathe fumes, make people stupid

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Dilbert says, "I invented a drug that makes people do stupid things. Then I dipped this dart in it." Dilbert says, "I don't know why I did it. There's no legitimate use for this sort of thing." Dilbert says, "Ow." Dogbert says, "I'll need a gallon for the weekend. And remember to breathe the fumes again."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags computer, headset, marketing research, social security number, bank pin, maiden name, poverty, identity theft, technology

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Dogbert says, "Hello, this is the Dogbert Market Research Company. May I ask you some totally harmless questions?" Dogbert says, "What is your social security number, bank pin number and mother's maiden name?" Dilbert says, "What exactly are you researching?" Dogbert says, "Poverty rates. I'm shooting for 100%."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags security consultant, meeting, angry, shake, ears up, surprise, fillings, dentist, id badge, business

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Dogbert the Security Consultant Dogbert says, "Anyone without an I.D. badge is assumed to be an enemy combatant." Dogbert says, "Pounce on the intruder and shake him until his fillings fall out!" Alice says, "How much did we pay for that advice?" Dogbert says, "It's free. I work for the dentist across the street."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags consultant, role model, angry, sociopath, annoyed, business

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Dogbert says, "You're doing a great job as a role model." Dogbert says, "Half of your employees have already turned into pudgy sociopaths." Dogbert says, "And they're quick to anger."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags class, expenses, money, options, fire, stupid, dog, animals

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Dilbert says, "I need this class to update my skills. Will you approve the expense?" The Boss says, "Where's the analysis of alternatives?" Dilbert says, "What?" The Boss says, "When you ask for funding, you need to tell me what my options are." Dilbert says, "Well, okay. That seems logical." Dilbert says, "Option two. Do nothing while I become increasingly unqualified for my job." Dilbert says, "Option three: replace me with someone younger who earns less than I do and already has the skills." Dilbert says, "Oh." Dilbert says, "Options are only good when other people don't have them."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags consult, customer data, money, meeting, front, ethical, enemy, business

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Dogbert Consults Dogbert says, "Customer data is an asset that you can sell." Dogbert says, "It's totally ethical because our customers would do the same thing to us if they could." The Boss says, "Sounds fair." Dogbert says, "In phase one, we'll dehumanize the enemy by calling them 'data.'"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags consult, customer data, money, privacy, real name, wag tail

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Dogbert Consults Dogbert says, "Your customer data is worth a fortune." Dogbert says, "I'll find you some buyers if you give me 25%." CEO says, "What about privacy?" Dogbert says, "That's not a problem. I never use my real name."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags meeting, poison pill, company takeover, front, surprise, angry, awkward, uncomfortable, skip, pre-meeting, business

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CEO says, "Mister Dogbert will describe our 'poison pill' strategy for preventing an unfriendly takeover." Dogbert says, "It turns out that no one wants to buy a criminally mismanaged quagmire. So you're all set." Dogbert says, "Maybe next time you won't skip the pre-meeting."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags meeting, project, point, progress, enhanced assessment methodology, towel, shower, nervous, soul, business

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Dilbert says, "?And of course we'll assess our progress along the way." Coworker says, "Will you be using an enhanced assessment methodology?" Coworker says, "I hope that means something. All I did was string together some words I heard in the hallway." Dilbert says, "Um... I'll be assessing... by measuring... and um..." The Boss says, "I better get in on this." The Boss says, "I can't support this project until I see your advanced assessment methodology plan." Dilbert says, "I'll have it in ten minutes, assuming you don't now what it's supposed to look like." The Boss says, "Very good." Dilbert says, "I'll be in the shower trying to wash my soul."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags communication skills, training, class, stand on stool, idiots, pairs, coworker

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Communication Skills Training Dogbert says, "Today you will learn how to listen to idiots without snoring." Dogbert says, "Break into groups of two, with one idiot and one non-idiot in each pair."