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View 401 - 410 results for how-to comic strips. Discover the best "How To" comics from Dilbert.com.

How Amazing The Weekend Was

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How Amazing The Weekend Was - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags relationships, friendship, small talk, love, dating, frustration, obliviousness, conversation

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Boss: Do you want to hear how amazing my weekend was? Alice: No. Would you like to hear about the extended tragedy that is my social life? Boss: No. I went to the mountains. Alice: I fell in love with a dying polygamist.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags social, party, invite, relationships, friend, friendship, test, popularity

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Dilbert: I'm having some people over to my house after work. Would you like to come? Woman: Who else is coming? Dilbert: Seven people said maybe, and one said he would get back to me. I think that shows a lot of interest. So how about it? Can you come? Woman: It depends on whether my sister needs a ride to the airport. Dilbert: When will you know? Woman: I'll text you. Dogbert: Are you sad that no one came? Dilbert: No, I was just A-B testing to see if I still hate all of them.

How It Feels To Never Accomplish

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How It Feels To Never Accomplish - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags work ethic, laziness, perspective, happiness, satisfaction, psychology

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Dilbert: What's it like to never feel the satisfaction of a job well done? Wally: It's even better than you'd think! Dilbert: We might not be on the same page here. Wally: I hope your page feels as good as mine.

How It Feels To Be Useless

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How It Feels To Be Useless - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags work, work ethic, engineers, stress, reward, laziness, dedication

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Wally: How's it feel to be the hardest-working employee in engineering? Alice: I feel tired, sore, exhausted, sick, angry, stressed out, and lonely. Wally: You probably don't want to know how good it feels to be useless.

Stress Typo On Website

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Stress Typo On Website - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags health, wellness, corporate policy, stress, medical leave, laziness, loophole, typo, mistake, work ethic

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CEO: How many employees did you say took paid medical leave? Catbert: All of them. A typo on our wellness website listed stress as an illness instead of a cause of illness. CEO: Is it too late to backpedal on the wellness thing? Catbert: I'll just fix the typo. It's all good.

Stress As A Wellness Issue

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Stress As A Wellness Issue - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags loophole, medicine, health, stress, work, medical leave, work ethic, laziness

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Boss: We have a problem. Our employee wellness site lists stress as a medical problem. And working here causes stress. Catbert: How many of them took paid medical leave? Boss: It's just you now. I'm packed.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags pessimism, people, experience, psychic, esp, sixth sense, learning, misanthrope

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Coworker: I'll give you the data tomorrow, Asok. Asok: Thanks, Brad! Urk! Suddenly, I know I will not get that data tomorrow. Dilbert: Why are you so freaked out? Asok: I... I... think I can see the future now. Somehow I know that Brad will not do what he says he will do. Dilbert: That's called "experience." It's the first step toward hating all people. Asok: How can I make it stop? Dilbert: I hear good things about death.

Selfish Team Player

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Selfish Team Player - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags hypocrisy, team, semantics, flaw, personality disorder, success, selfish, business

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Asok: If being selfish is necessary for success, how can I claim to be a team player? Wally: I like to use a tool called hypocrisy. Asok: That is actually a character flaw. Wally: Oh. No wonder people are so prickly about it.

Visualize Your Contribution To Society

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Visualize Your Contribution To Society - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags meaning, overthinking, purpose, value, distraction, thinking

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Dilbert: I like to start each workday by visualizing how my work will make the world a better place. Gaaaa!!! My life is meaningless and nothing I do will ever matter!!! Okay, good. I like to get that out of the way early.

It Takes More Than Luck

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It Takes More Than Luck - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags success, intelligence, privilege, nepotism, obliviousness, confusion

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CEO: Asok, it takes more than luck to be successful. You also have to be smart. Asok: How did you select your level of intelligence before birth? CEO: I don't understand the question. Asok: Now I am getting mixed messages.