Old Coworker Comic Strips - Page 41
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The Boss: "The company has announced there will be no raises or promotions this year." "Now, there's a mathematical certainty that no matter how hard you work, inflation will make you poorer." Dilbert: "I hated the old way, with all the uncertainty." The Boss: "I'm not just a manager, I'm a leader!"
Dilbert and a woman sit at a table in a restaurant. The woman says, "You remind me of my old boyfriend Jack." The woman continues, "You're not as funny or as handsome . . ." The woman continues, "But you ARE male, and that's just like Jack." Dilbert thinks, "I can wait this out. She'll stop talking about him eventually." The woman closes her eyes and says, "Ooooh . . . Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack . . ." The woman opens her eyes and says, "Oops . . . I slipped into an 'old boyfriend coma' for a minute there." Dilbert looks at a menu and thinks, "That wasn't too bad." The waiter asks, "Are you ready to order?" Dilbert thinks, "It should be clear sailing from here on, with any luck at all." The woman looks up from her menu and asks the waiter, "Jack?"
Dilbert sits at his desk working on a laptop. Ratbert says, "I noticed I wasn't in any of your old photo albums, so I pasted myself into a few key places." Ratbert shows Dilbert the album and says, "Here I am hugging you when you're a baby . . . Basically I put myself over all the pictures of this ugly woman." Dilbert says, "That ugly woman is my mom." Ratbert says, "Hey! I didn't raise you to talk bad about other people!"
Dilbert and Dogbert stand in a parking lot. A man approaches their car and says, "Hey! Dilbert! Is that your nerdmobile?" The man laughs. Dilbert thinks, "It's my old high school nemesis, Chuck." Chuck says, "Maybe you'd like to race me in my Corvette." He laughs. Dilbert points to his car and says, "Actually, Chuck, if you had taken a science class you'd know this a 'Seebeck effect' power plant capable of 600 miles per hour." Dilbert continues, "Any idiot knows you can get massive power simply by using the sun to heat the junction of two dissimilar wires joined at both ends." Dilbert continues, "Apparently I'm faster AND smarter than you. And these tax forms show that I also earn more than you." Dogbert holds up the forms. Chuck says, "Here's a picture of my new girlfriend. She teaches aerobics." Dilbert says, "He's winning. Help me out here, Dogbert." Dogbert waves his paw and says, "Step aside." Dogbert tells Chuck, "I notice that your girlfriend has unusually large hands and a very pronounced Adam's apple." Chuck asks, "So?"
Dilbert says to three Elbonians, "I've been sent to teach you 'Total Quality Management.'" Dilbert points at a visual aid that says "Quality equals good (1950)." Dilbert says, "In the old days, quality was just an empty word meaning 'good.'" Dilbert continues, "Eventually it evolved into a complicated method for transferring your money to business consultants."
Dilbert and a woman sit at a table. The woman says, "We always used to go to the . . ." Someone blows a whistle. Dogbert approaches Dilbert from behind shouting, "Stop the action!" Dogbert points at the woman and says, "That's a penalty for talking about an old boyfriend!" Dogbert points at Dilbert and says, "The opposing date gets one minute to talk about a sports event!" Dilbert says, "Then Mullin hits the jump shot . . ." Dogbert blows the whistle. Dogbert says, "Penalty! Staring at the waitress for no legitimate reason!!" The woman thinks, "Yes!" Dogbert says, "The visiting team gets one minute to discuss 'feelings.'" The woman says, "I think of you in the 'friend' category." Dogbert waves his paws and shouts, "Score!!"
Dogbert, Dilbert and Noriko sit on a park bench. Noriko yells at Dilbert, "You adults have totally messed up the planet!! Where's the accountability??!" Noriko continues, "You know our implied social contract! You take care of the kids, then we take care of you when you're old. That's how it's supposed to work." Dilbert says, "Well, I . . ." Noriko yells, "The deal is OFF!!"
Ratbert hides behind the chair thinking, "There's Dilbert . . . I'll sneak up and hug his leg until he loves me and accepts me in the family." Ratbert jumps on Dilbert as he leaves the house. Ratbert says to Wally, "A rat is clinging to my leg." Wally replies, "I had that problem till I switched to 'Old Spice.'"
Dilbert stands in front of the dresser wearing a belt with several pieces of electronic equipment attached to it. Dilbert says, "Let's see . . . I've got my cellular phone, my pager, palm computer, personal organizer, wireless modem . . ." Dilbert looks in the mirror and continues, "Yeah, I'd say I'm pretty much the envy of engineers everywhere . . . Looking good . . . Looking good . . ." Dogbert says, "Words escape me . . ." Dilbert takes something out of his belt and says, "Here, I'll fire up the old thesaurus."
Ted says to Dilbert and Wally, "Everybody pick a straw. The loser has to kill our abusive co-worker, Floyd." Ted says, "Dilbert loses. He picked the blue straw." Dilbert says, "I thought the SHORT straw loses." Ted replies, "You're already a murderer; don't be a cheater too."