Find Solution Comic Strips - Page 41
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Character
409 Results for Find Solution
View 401 - 409 results for find solution comic strips. Discover the best "Find Solution" comics from Dilbert.com.
Thursday December 31,
2020
Dogbert The Auditor
Tags #business, #business ethics, #consultant, #company, #fee, #fraud, #crime, #report, #question
Transcript
dogbert: for a reasonable fee, i will audit your company and find any fraud or crime if it exists. dilbert: what's to stop you from taking bribes from the fraudsters and reporting that everything is fine? dogbert: my business model depends on you not asking that kind of question.
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marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac
Saturday January 02,
2021
Audit Blackmail
Tags #business ethics, #business, #audit, #software, #blackmail, #free, #network, #money, #dollars
Transcript
dogbert: my audit of your company has uncovered a number of software vulnerabilities. for example, a blackmailer could take control of your network and make you pay a billion dollars to get it back. ceo: good work. what do we owe you? dogbert: the audit is free. i only did it to find ways to blackmail you.
Sunday January 10,
2021
Recurring Charges
Tags #business, #technology, #cancel, #online, #charges, #information, #automated phone system, #contact, #website, #microphone
Transcript
dilbert at home: i'm going to try to cancel some recurring online charges today. wish me luck. dogbert: what resistance are you expecting? dilbert: obviously, they hide their contact information, so i allocated two hours to find the right phone number. it should take about an hour to navigate their automated phone system that will keep sending me to the wrong place. if i reach a human, he'll try to divert me to their website to cancel, which i already know won't work because... ...i won't be able to find my account in their system for reasons no one will ever be able to explain. and of course, their phone support person will be using a headset microphone that garbles his already mumbled words. dogbert: but if you stick with it, you will eventually succeed? dilbert: i don't know were you got that idea.
Wednesday February 24,
2021
You Make Luck
Tags #business, #technology, #luck, #wisdom, #rewiring, #super, #employee, #double, #workload, #brain, #rewire, #monster
Transcript
boss: remember, asok, you don't find luck, you go out and make it. asok yelling and waving arms: i feel your wisdom rewiring my brain and turning me into a super-employee! boss: it usually doesn't work this fast. asok: please double my workload, you beautiful monster!
Sunday March 21,
2021
Tina Asks For Help
Tags #business, #co-workers, #colleague, #draft, #review, #busy, #yes, #time, #sarcastic, #sarcasm, #suspicious, #answer, #innocent
Transcript
tina: do you have a few minutes to review my first draft? dilbert: yes. tina: i ask because usually you say you're to busy to help. dilbert: well, i said yes this time. tina: that's funny, because usually you're all, "i'm so busy." but today you have all the time in the world. dilbert: today i'm not busy. tina: i find that suspicious. dilbert yelling: take yes for an answer!!! tina: that's not how innocent people talk.
Sunday May 02,
2021
Remote Workers Do Not Mate
Tags #appearance, #dating, #love & dating, #walking, #outdoors, #dating app, #woman, #app, #reproduction, #inner qualities, #goodbye, #genes
Transcript
dilbert and dogbert walking outside. dogbert: they say most people meet their future mates at work. now that you are working from home, your odds of mating just turned negative. you could try using a dating app to find a woman, but then you'd need to rely on your looks. obviously, that's a dead end. your best chance of reproduction has always been to wear down a co-worker over several years. women need time to get over your appearance, and to appreciate your inner qualities. we should have a goodbye party for your genes. dilbert: maybe next time we could walk and not talk. dogbert: maybe.
Sunday May 23,
2021
Million Dollar Bonuses
Tags #business, #technology, #deadline, #project, #million-dollar, #recommendation, #lying, #clock, #weeks, #spirit, #bonus, #mad, #finished, #no, #laptop, #coffee
Transcript
boss: if you finish by the deadline, i'll recommend you for a million dollar bonus. dilbert: you're lying. boss: i'm serious. dilbert: but you're also lying. boss: only one way to find out. dilbert: i'd need to work around the clock for weeks to meet the deadline. boss: that's the spirit! dilbert: if you're lying about the bonus, i'm going to be boiling mad. five weeks later. dilbert: it nearly killed me, but i finished by the deadline. where's my million dollar bonus. boss: i told you i'd recommend it. they said no.
Friday June 04,
2021
Leadership Quality
Tags #business, #fire, #managers & supervisors, #firing, #employees, #stimulating, #sociopath, #strong, #leader, #difference
Transcript
boss: i find it oddly stimulating to fire employees. does that make me a sociopath or a strong leader? catbert: i take it from your question that you think those are different things.
Wednesday June 09,
2021
Deleting Before Audit
Tags #business, #business ethics, #auditor, #suspect, #delete, #database, #believe, #incriminating, #hide
Transcript
internal auditor: i find it hard to believe you "accidentally" deleted a database just as i arrived. it makes me suspect you tried to hide something incriminating. boss: sounds like reasonable doubt to me.