Dogberts Tech Support Comic Strips - Page 42

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View 411 - 420 results for dogberts tech support comic strips. Discover the best "Dogberts Tech Support" comics from Dilbert.com.

Work Until You Drop

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Work Until You Drop - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags health, monitor, fitbit, energy, surveillance, wearable tech, dedication, work ethic

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Boss: Your health tracker says you are leaving work at the end of each day with energy to spare. That's exactly like stealing from the company. Dilbert: You want me to work until I drop? Boss: I'm not allowed to say that directly.

Ted Might Drop Dead

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Ted Might Drop Dead - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags health, monitor, fitbit, wearable tech, heart attack, diseases, death, prediction, medical

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Boss: Ted, your performance is poor. I need to let you go. Ted: Is it a coincidence that you're firing me at the same time my employee health monitor detected cardiovascular disease? How good are the predictive analytics on this? Boss: Don't make lunch plans.

Let's Do The Meeting Later

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Let's Do The Meeting Later - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags fitbit, health, monitor, wearable tech, surveillance

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Dilbert: According to your employee health monitor, your lack of sleep last night is hampering your mental functions. Let's end the meeting and try again when your brain is working better. Man: I don't understand. Dilbert: That is consistent with the data.

Dogbert's Insult Consulting

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Dogbert's Insult Consulting - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags company rules, insulting, co workers, teach how, insult, within guidelines, standing desk, meeting, employer, business

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Dogbert consults DOgbert: Company rules forbid you from insulting your co-workers. I'll teach you how to insult each other while staying within company guidelines. The boss: That doesn't seem possible. Dogbert: you should look into getting a standing desk.

Success Diminishes Other Guy

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Success Diminishes Other Guy   - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags ideas, diminshed, support, stab me, great deas, discussion, argument

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Ted: Your idea is great, but I plan to oppose it because I feel diminished by the success of others. Dilbert: Maybe you could support it now and then stab me in the back later. Ted: That's two great ideas you've had today. Dilbert: thank you.

Dogbert's Personality Profiles

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Dogbert's Personality Profiles   - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags consultant, personality, test, business, psychology

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Dogbert: I have the results of your Dogbert Personality Profiles. Based on your questionnaire answers, Alice is angry, Wally is lazy, and Dilbert is boring. Dilbert: How are we supposed to use this new information? Dogbert: Wake me up when he's done talking.

Cryogenic Investment Firm

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Cryogenic Investment Firm  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags cryogenic, intelligence, rich people

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Narrator: Dogbert's Cryogenic Investment Firm. Dogbert: We'll freeze your brain for 200 years and then transplant it into a 3-D printed body. By then, your investments will be worth a fortune. Man: Is there any risk to my brain? Dogbert: You'll have an IQ of 45, but that doesn't matter when you're rich.

Totally Painless Brain Removal

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Totally Painless Brain Removal - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags cryogenic, science, lab, pain, experiment

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Narrator: Dogbert's Cryogenic Investment Advice. Dogbert: We'll remove your brain and freeze it until your investments are worth a fortune. Man: Does it hurt? Dogbert: Totally painless. Man: Aaaagh! It hurts! Dogbert: Oh. I thought we were talking about me.

Reincarnation Advice

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Reincarnation Advice - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Advice, motivation, reincarnation, death, fussiness, medical

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Narrator: Dogbert's Life Advice. Dogbert: I've reviewed your file. Your best bet is to live an unhealthy lifestyle, die young, and hope reincarnation is real. Man: Is it real? Dogbert: All I know for sure is that dead people are less fuss than you.

Dogbert's Time Management Book

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Dogbert's Time Management Book - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dogbert, Dilbert, time, management, time management, blank

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Dogbert: Would you like to read my book on time management? Dilbert: Yes. These pages are blank. Dogbert: I just saved you three hours.