Great Products Comic Strips - Page 42

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497 Results for Great Products

View 411 - 420 results for great products comic strips. Discover the best "Great Products" comics from Dilbert.com.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags logic, reasoning, managing, managers, leadership, quality, absurd

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Dilbert: You assigned a pack of idiots to my project team. Boss: We can't afford to hire good people. Dilbert: How am I supposed to create world-class products with a team of disruptive idiots? Boss: Try working extra hard. Dilbert: You want us to be more energetic about our bad decisions? Boss: You also have to put in the hours. Dilbert: Are you saying bad decisions, plus long hours, plus lots of enthusiasm, produces great engineering? Boss: Not if you stand around yacking about it all day.

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That's Motivation Not Stalking

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That's Motivation Not Stalking - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags compliment, managers, jargon, sincerity, insincere, motivation, motivate, annoyance, frustration

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Boss: Alice, you're doing a great job and the company values you. Alice: Your insincere management babble is making me uncomfortable. Boss: That's motivation you're feeling. Alice: I'm getting more of a stalker vibe.

Rat With An Ear On His Back

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Rat With An Ear On His Back - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags biology, experiment, human tissue, lab, rat, regeneration, science, technology, guest artist, joel friday

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Tablet: Scientists grew a human ear on the back of a rat. When asked for a comment, the rat said, "Hey, get this ear off my back. I didn't agree to this." The lead scientist on the project said, "Great. Now you made it all weird."

Duplicating Effort

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Duplicating Effort - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags management, productivity, absent mindedness, forgetful, duplicate

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Boss: Great update, Ted. Now let's hear what Dilbert did this week. Dilbert: I unnecessarily duplicated Ted's work because you forgot you asked bot of us to do the same task. Boss: And how about Alice? Alice: You're three for three.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags management, honesty, competition, criticism

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Boss: Why are our competitors beating us on the benchmark speed tests? Do they have better engineers? Dilbert: No, they have better management. Their management probably got them the budget they needed to do the job right. I"m guessing they were helpful, instead of being useless, blamecasting time-wasters. I hear you can do a lot when you have good management. I'll probably try to get a job with a competitor. They sound great. It is also possible they lied about their benchmark results. Boss: You should have said that first!

Tina's Criticism

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Tina's Criticism - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags work spouse, wife, wives, criticism, nagging, Women, relationships

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Tina: As your work wife, I have some constructive criticism for you. Dilbert: Great. Tina: You'd be more attractive if you were taller, I just realized I don't know the difference between constructive criticism and the regular kind.

Dilbert Fits It All In One Slide

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Dilbert Fits It All In One Slide - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags irrational, demands, managers, powerpoint, nonsense

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Dilbert: It took me a hours to figure out how to fit everything you wanted into one slide. Boss: That's great. Now add in some stuff about the budget, our risks, and all of our competition. And keep it all on one slide. Dilbert: Have you ever listened to the noise coming from your mouth?

Dashboard For The Boss

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Dashboard For The Boss - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags technology, ruse, trick, deception.

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Dilbert: It's called a dashboard. It shows the current status of all our projects. With a tool like this, you never need to ask us for status updates. Wally: How'd the fake dashboard gambit work out? Dilbert: Great! He hasn't talked to me in weeks.

Dashboard Never Changes

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Dashboard Never Changes - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags deception, trick, technology, status, ruse

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Boss: I noticed that the project dashboard you wrote for me never changes. Dilbert: That's because our projects are always doing great. Boss: It's a static image, isn't it? Dilbert: You're gonna wish you asked that three weeks ago.

Wally Self Identifies As A Woman

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Wally Self Identifies As A Woman - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags trans, transgender, gimmick

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Catbert: I heard that you self-identify as a woman. Wally: No, I don't. Catbert: Well, I need you to do that so the company can be supportive and win some awards for being a great place to work. Dilbert: Because why? Wally: I got my own bathroom.