Pass Away Comic Strips - Page 42

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View 411 - 420 results for pass away comic strips. Discover the best "Pass Away" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #being moved, #50 miles each way, #hundred

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The Boss says, "Ted, you can keep your job but your office is being moved 50 miles away." Ted says, "Gosh, I guess I could drive another 50 miles each way." The Boss says, "How about a hundred?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #evil director, #human reasources, #resume, #sense of desparation, #janitor, #clean toiltes, #bury janitor

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Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources Catbert says, "I've seen your resume and I sense desperation." Catbert says, "Our janitor recently passed away, so I have a job for you." A man says, "You want me to clean toilets?" Catbert says, "No, I want you to bury the janitor."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Advice, #bad idea, #saving & investment, #financial advisor, #diseased livestock, #sick cow, #aggregate, #math, #savvy, #education, #money

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Dogbert the financial adviser Dogbert: You should invest all of your money is diseased livestock. It would be unwise to invest in one sick cow, but if you aggregate a bunch of them together the risk goes away. It's called math. The boss: Suddenly I feel all savvy.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #monster, #rebate, #trap, #frustration, #anger, #yelling

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Dilbert says, "I bought a new phone. It was only $50 after rebate." Dogbert says, "Uh-Oh." Dilbert says, "Let's see what the terms of the rebate?" Foom! Monster says, "I am rebaterus. You must pass five tests before your rebate will be authorized." Monster says, "You must wait 30 days without losing or accidentally discardin the rebate forms, the receipt, and the box." Monster says, "You must figure out which of the several unlabeled codes on the box is the real rebate code." Monster says, "You must write that code into a space desighned for a code half as long." Monster says, "Some numbers look like lettters." Dilbert says, "Just keep my money!!!" Monster says, "Dude, we spent it before you left the store."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #walking, #complaining, #cruel, #mean, #mother, #son, #Family, #Sports

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Dilmom Dilmom says, "How's work, Dilbert?" Dilbert says, "I'm doing the job of three people and my pay has been cut 20%" Dilbert says, "My investments are worthless and my odds of finding a suitable mate are nearing zero." Dilbert says, "My life has no meaning, no joy and no hope." Dilbert says, "Do you have any motherly advice?" Dilmom says, "Shake it off, you big wuss." Dilmom says, "And you can pass that wisdom to the grandchildren you won't be having." Dilbert says, "You're not good at this." Dilmom says, "Eat broccoli. Whatever."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #meeting, #bleak, #pessimistic, #doom, #beating, #angry, #economy, #violence, #business

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Strategy Meeting Man says, "The weak economy is limiting our strategic options." Man says, "I won't sugarcoat anything." Man says, "Option one is a long slide to oblivion." Oblivion Man says, "Option two is a death spiral." Man says, "Our new company logo is a man getting sucked into a toilet." Man says, "Our revised mission statememnt is 'Forage during daylight. Hide at night.'" Man says, "I'll pass out clubs, and you can decide among yourselves how to downsize by fifty percent." Wally says, "Is it just me or was it better when they sugarcoated?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #assignment, #delegating, #logic, #crumpling, #unnatural, #useless

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the Boss says, "Dilbert, I need you to take care of?um?" The Boss says, "?.Whatever is on the top of my pile." Dilbert says, "This is a job for marketing. Not engineering." The Boss says, "Give it to the director of marketing and ask him to assign it to someone." Dilbert says, "So...you're delegating to me to pass this off to someone else, who will delegate it to someone else." Dilbert says, "With each handoff, the sense of urgency will diminish until the likelihood of completion approaches zero." Dilbert says, "You could save the company money by crumpling up this document and throwing it away right now." The boss says, "This feels wrong." Dilbert says, "Try using more wrist."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #customer, #hands, #refusal, #ridicule, #criticism, #germs, #angry

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The boss says, "Dilbert, I'd like you to meet one of our biggest customers. She has some technical questions." Dilbert says, "Whoa! Get that disease-infested paw away from me!" Dilbert says, "Don't you follow the news? Shaking hands is so 2008." Dilbert says, "No offense, but you look more like a virus incubator than a vigorous hand washer." Dilbert says, "So why don't you pull that death stick back up your sleeve and we can pretend this ugly incident never happened." Dilbert says, "And if it's not too much to ask, could you exhale toward things I'm likely not to touch?" Dilbert says, "Okay, now that the pleasantries are out of the way, what can I tell you about our new product line?" Dilbert says, "We lost a customer, but I survived the meeting." The Boss says, "Next time, do it the other way."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #greed, #ceo, #retiring, #placeholder, #corpse, #podium

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Dogbert says, "I'm stepping down as CEO because I already milked all of the cash out of the this dying cow." Dogbert says, "My replacement is a dried-up corpse. But don't worry; he's just a placeholder until a new CEO can be found." The Boss says, "The faint breeze is blowing away his head." Dogerbt says, "You should probably hurry."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #cost estimate, #deny, #numbers, #manipulate, #decisions, #hurt, #typing at computer, #humming noise, #annoy, #go away, #angry face, #home, #sitting on couch

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Coworker says, "Can I get a rough cost estimate for the design phase?" Dilbert says, "No. I don't trust you with numbers." Coworker says, "What?" Dilbert says, "You're the kind of guy who will remove useful qualifiers and distribute a figure as if it is true in all cases." Dilbert says, "Decisions will be made. People will get hurt." Dilbert says, "For everyone's sake, the safest thing I can do is make an annoying humming sound until you go away." Dilbert says, "Hummmmm-mmmmmmmmm-mmmmm." Dilbert says, "Half of life is making people go away." Dogbert says, "Humm-mmmm"