Ted Comic Strips - Page 42

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

448 Results for Ted

View 411 - 420 results for ted comic strips. Discover the best "Ted" comics from Dilbert.com.

Cross Training

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Cross Training - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags co-workers, business, cross train, fire, job, dumb, manager

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert: our pointy-haired boss told me to ask you to cross-train me on your job junctions. ted: that sounds exactly like he plans to fire me as soon as you can do my job. dilbert: in my defense, he assured me you would be too dumb to realize that.

Poison Pill

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Poison Pill - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags co-worker, cross-train, business, relationship, training, bad, fire, poison pill, planner

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert: i can't shake the feeling that you are intentionally doing a bad job training me how to do your job functions. ted: i'm omitting important steps, so you'll fail hard should i get fired and you are asked to fill in. it's called a "poison pill." dilbert: you're a good planner.

Data Can Only Mean One Thing

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Data Can Only Mean One Thing - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, office workers, sarcasm, data, analyze

View Transcript

Transcript

ted: this data can mean only one thing. dilbert: actually, it can mean any one of about seventeen things. ted: then why can i think of only one? dilbert: please don't make me answer that.

Bias For Action

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Bias For Action - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags managers & supervisors, sarcasm, co-workers, business, meeting, prototype, bias

View Transcript

Transcript

Co-workers around meeting table. Ted: our pointy-haired boss told us to scrap our prototype and start over from scratch. dilbert: o was in that meeting and he said nothing like that. maybe we should verify what he wants. ted: or... we could have a bias for action!

Before Or After Firing

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Before Or After Firing - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, managers & supervisors, prototype, request, fire

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert: we destroyed all of the prototypes you requested. boss: i never asked for anything remotely like that. dilbert: ted said you did. boss: did he tell you that before or after i fired him last week?

Ted Can't Make It

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Ted Can't Make It - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, co-workers, meeting, project, absence, technology

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert: ted says he can't make it to the meeting. wally: the only reason for this meeting is so ted can tell us what he's doing on his project. dilbert: we should reschedule. boss: not so fast. i think we can salvage this. if we guess what ted might have told us, that gets us halfway there. dilbert: i don't think it does. boss: we can't know until we try. dilbert: why don't the rest of us leave, and you can stay here and guess what we would have said, too. boss thinking alone at table: ...and then dilbert would have said...

Diet Preferences

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Diet Preferences - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags conference room, office workers, chitchat, bore, diet, preferences

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert thinking as walking into conference room: oh, no. i'm here too early. there will be chitchat. dilbert sitting empty conference room: someone is going to bore me to death talking about their diet preferences. ted: i only eat figs. dilbert thinking: kill me. kill me. kill me.

Hiring Morons And Ted

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Hiring Morons And Ted - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, managers & supervisors, labor, market, hire, moron, position, ted talk, video, smart

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: the labor market is so tight that i had to hire a moron just to fill a position. my plan is to make him watch ted talk videos until he smartens up. dilbert: how many will it take? boss: with any luck, fifteen to seventeen will get it done.

Ted Talks Make You Smarter

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Ted Talks Make You Smarter - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, moron, new hire, smart, ted talk, binge-watch

View Transcript

Transcript

new hire: i used to be a moron, but then i binge-watched seventeen ted talks on youtube. now i'm the smartest person in the room. wally: should we do something about this? dilbert: i don't know. i've only watched six ted talks.

Ted Talks Might Take Your Job

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Ted Talks Might Take Your Job - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, managers & supervisors, social media, technology, instagram, ted talks, smart, moron

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: the moron i hired keeps watching ted talks and getting smarter. he's only about three ted talks away from taking your job. ceo: there must be a way to slow him down. boss: i'll see if i can interest him in instagram.