Useful Things Comic Strips - Page 42

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

494 Results for Useful Things

View 411 - 420 results for useful things comic strips. Discover the best "Useful Things" comics from Dilbert.com.

Unexpected Things Happen

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Unexpected Things Happen - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #deadline, #project, #schedule, #excuse

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: What's the latest on the software release date? Wally: We're right on time for the pre-alpha launch, unless we run into something unexpected. CEO: How often does that happen? Wally: Whenever I need it.

Just A Guy In A Box

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Just A Guy In A Box - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #existentialism, #existence, #value, #work, #use, #useful, #change

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I like to think the work I'm doing here will change the world. Boss: Your project didn't get funded because Carol forgot to put a meeting on my calendar. Dilbert: There is, however, a non-zero chance that I"m just a guy sitting in a box.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #gestures, #etiquette, #male, #Men, #masculinity, #social norms

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I never know the right time to high-five. I feel as if I should automatically know, like a male instinct. For example, when do you initiate a high-five and when do you simply yell "woo-hoo?" Those situations look the same to me. What's my problem? Alice: So many things. But in this specific case, the problem is your total lack of masculinity. Dilbert: High-five?

Fifty Slide Presentation

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Fifty Slide Presentation - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers, #tasks, #presentation, #expectation, #unrealistic, #obliviousness

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Our CEO wants me to make a fifty-slide presentation for him that will motivate employees. Dilbert: Ha ha! Now you know how we feel when you ask us to do ridiculous things. Boss: Anyway, I don't have time, so I need you to do it for me.

Dogbert The Negotiating Expert

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dogbert The Negotiating Expert - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #money, #negotiate, #negotiations, #racket, #guest artist, #josh shipley

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I hired an expert on negotiating to teach us a few things. He only costs a million dollars, and for that we get five minutes of his time. Let's get started. Dogbert: We're out of time, unless you want to renegotiate.

Ted Has A Ravine Option

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Ted Has A Ravine Option - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #cruelty, #empathy, #hr, #human resources, #mean, #guest artist, #brenna thummler, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert: Evil Director Of Human Resources. Ted: Dilbert said he wants me to drive into a ravine. Catbert: I want that too. I didn't realize it was an option. Ted: Perhaps I have come tot he wrong place. Catbert: I hear good things about the ravine.

Intuitive Not Worthless

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Intuitive Not Worthless - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers, #obliviousness, #jobs, #knowledge, #understanding

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I'm not an engineer, so I don't know if you're doing the right things or not. And I can't watch you work, so I don't know if you're putting in any effort. Dilbert: That means you're totally worthless. Boss: I was going to say intuitive.

For The Good Of The Country

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
For The Good Of The Country - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #apple, #iphone, #technology, #national security, #privacy, #terrorism, #encryption

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: The government wants us to make software to crack our own encryption. Dilbert: That sounds evil. Boss: It's for the good of the country. Dilbert: Can I test it on your phone? Boss: You'd have to kill me first. Dilbert: That would be two good things for the country.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #logic, #false logic, #imagination, #managers, #review, #performance

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I can't give you a raise because your performance was only average. Dilbert: How can you calculate an average for my performance? No one has ever been in my exact situation. Boss: I compared you to other employees. Dilbert: You compared me to strangers doing entirely different things? Boss: No, I compared you to imaginary people doing your exact job. It's called managing, and I'm very good at it. Dilbert: How do you know you're good at it? Boss: Because imaginary people do this job worse than I do.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Advice, #workload, #stress, #counseling

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I have too much work, and it's stressing me out. Boss: I've been reading about this sort of situation. Try writing don all the things that make you feel grateful. Dilbert: That would be more work! Boss: For your anger issues, try keeping a journal of all the times you lose your temper. Dilbert: That would be more work! Has anyone ever taken your advice? Boss: Do you know the guy in Marketing with the eye patch? Dilbert: He followed your advice? Boss: Half of it.