Managers Comic Strips - Page 42
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Asok: Would you mind if I network with you to help my career? Boss: I would have said yes, but you made it feel all weird and creepy. Perhaps you could send me email that I won't read. Asok: That makes you my best friend!
Carol: I brought my son to work. Do you have any career advice for him? Dilbert: All boys your age are idiots. If you make any career decisions today, your life will forever be determined by an idiot. Boss: Are we expecting any unforeseen problems today? Dilbert: But you get used to it.
Catbert: Your management style has caused a black hole to form. Boss: Is it dangerous? Catbert: No to us. It only absorbs important emails from employees. And en employee named Ted, apparently.
Boss: Change your recommendation to the opposite of what you wrote and send it to me for approval. Dilbert: Why do I need approval for the thing you just approved? Boss: I want you to feel some ownership. Dilbert: I already feel that you own me. Boss: I mean that I want you to feel ownership of the recommendation. Dilbert: How can I feel ownership of your ignorant decisions? Boss: By getting my approval for them. I can't be more clear. Dilbert: At least we agree on that.
Boss: So... how's your job going? Dilbert: It's like being buried alive in a burlap bag full of starving rats. Boss: And I'm back to not caring. Dilbert: How long will it take you to fix everything?
Boss: You've set several world records for best employee job performance. But I can't give you a raise because you used job performance enhancing drugs. Dilbert: You injected me against my will. Boss: It would be leadership if you wanted to do it.
Boss: Our CEO has asked each of us to donate 1% of our work time to a charitable cause. Dilbert: Last week you told us to give 110% to our work. Does this mean we can back off to 109%? Boss: No, you should give 110% to everything you do. Dilbert: Maybe my charitable cause could be helping you learn math.
Dilbert: I emailed you the PowerPoint slide for your investor meeting. I dumbed down the technical stuff for you non-engineers. Boss: "Technology: It Be Good." Dilbert: I wouldn't take questions.
Dilbert: I need an exception to the travel budget freeze so I can fix an important customer's technical problem. Boss: No, because arbitrary financial targets are more important than satisfying customers. Wait... why does that sound bad when I say it out lout? Dilbert: If it makes you feel better, I wasn't listening.
Boss: The board named me temporary CEO. And guess who is coming with me to the C-level suite! Carol: It's me! Boss: No. And you're also a terrible guesser.