Told Everyone Comic Strips - Page 42
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509 Results for Told Everyone
View 411 - 420 results for told everyone comic strips. Discover the best "Told Everyone" comics from Dilbert.com.
Sunday August 27,
2017
Tags #laziness, #work ethic, #excuses, #motivation, #projects
Transcript
Boss: I need you to add a feature to the software. Wally: That would be outside the scope of the project. Boss: Yes, but I'm your boss and I'm telling you to do it. Wally: You also told me to only do the things that are documented on the project specs. Boss: Okay, just change the documentation and then do it. Wally: If I do that, the project will be late and over budget. Boss: How many excuses do you have for not doing work? Wally: I'm just getting started. This feature will never work with the others.
Tuesday July 25,
2017
Wally's Excuses List
Tags #meeting, #work ethic, #laziness, #excuses, #avoidance, #business
Transcript
Wally: Work got a lot easier after I compiled a list of all my best work-avoidance excuses. Man: Wally, can you attend my project meeting? Wally: Well, let me check. Man: I haven't told you when we're meeting. Wally: That matters less than you think it should.
Monday August 07,
2017
Dilbert Is Wearing A Body Cam
Tags #lying, #body cam, #surveillance
Transcript
Boss: Don't give that data to Marketing yet. Dilbert: That is the direct opposite of what you told me yesterday. Boss: I am totally sure I never said anything like that yesterday. You weren't wearing a wire, were you? Dilbert: It's called an employee body cam. Narrator: Continued...
Tuesday August 08,
2017
Accidental Deletion
Tags #surveillance, #coverup, #body cam, #denial, #deception, #proof
Transcript
Dilbert: I'm glad I started wearing an employee body cam. Here's a video of you yesterday, saying the opposite of what you told me today. Boss: Oops! I accidentally deleted it. Dilbert: Luckily, I have seven hundred backups.
Sunday September 24,
2017
Tags #rumor, #conjecture, #karma, #payback
Transcript
Boss: I heard that you think I'm making the wrong decision with our technology roadmap. Dilbert: I never said that. Boss: I heard you did. Dilbert: Who told you that? Boss: I promised I wouldn't reveal my source. Dilbert: It never happened. Boss: That's not what I hear. Dilbert: Will the fate of my entire career depend on that rumor? Boss: It already does. Dilbert: Do you ever worry about karma? Boss: Get back to work. Narrator: One hour later. CEO: I hear you're embezzling like crazy. Boss: Who told you that?
Saturday August 26,
2017
Product Warning Is Too Long
Tags #technical writer, #instructions, #caution, #warning, #safety, #criticism
Transcript
Tina: My boss, who knows nothing about technical writing, told me to cut my 700-page product warning down to 500 pages. He doesn't appreciate my art. Dilbert: Sounds like both of you are idiots. Tina: This will go smoother if you stop talking.
Monday September 18,
2017
Helping The Boss Be Successful
Tags #helpfulness, #niceness, #kindness
Transcript
Asok: How can I help you achieve your goals and be more successful? Boss: You could stop talking all creepy and weird. Asok: I thought I was being helpful. Boss: Go hate your job like everyone else.
Friday September 29,
2017
Everything Sounds Like A Lie
Tags #lying, #deception, #catch-22, #accusation, #innocence, #guilt
Transcript
Tina: Now that everyone knows you are a liar, everything you say sounds like a lie. Dilbert: You starting assumption is wrong. I didn't lie about anything. Tina: That's exactly what liars say. Dilbert: Excuse me while I bang my head on this table until I pass out.
Saturday September 30,
2017
False Rumor
Tags #insult, #backhanded compliment, #liar, #idiot
Transcript
Dilbert: Everyone at work thinks I'ma liar because of a false rumor. Dogbert: If it makes you feel any better, I know you aren't a liar. Dilbert: Thank you. That does help. Dogbert: I see you as more of an idiot. And you're welcome.
Sunday November 05,
2017
Tags #lying, #deception, #secret, #choosing, #choices
Transcript
Man: Don't tell Dilbert I told you what he plans to do. Alice: What if he asks me how I found out? Man: You should lie. Alice: You have given me two bad choices. If I don't change my plans based on this new information, I'll have big problems. But if I act on it, Dilbert will ask me how I knew, and that will turn me into a liar. Man: Yes, those are your only options. Alice: Unless... Man: There's no "unless." You have only two options. Just two! Alice: Have you ever seen the view from the roof?