Contract Employee Comic Strips - Page 43

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View 421 - 430 results for contract employee comic strips. Discover the best "Contract Employee" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #boss, #employee, #meeting, #change, #freak out, #panic, #mouth open, #yell, #eyes closed, #death, #business, #medical

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The Boss says, "Don't be afraid of change, Asok." Asok says, "Okay. Wait. What?" Asok says, "You subtle implication is that I should change to be more like you!" The Boss says, "Bumpy start." Asok says, "I choose death!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #meeting, #boss, #employee, #stupid question, #inspire, #angry, #dead body, #business

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The Boss says, "Carol, how can I make you feel more inspired by your work?" Carol says, "I'm an admin, you steaming log. The only thing that would inspire me is finding your corpse floating in my worst enemy's drinking water." The Boss says, "It's just something they make me ask." Carol says, "Can I get back to my meaningless work now?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #sales bonus level, #happy, #smile, #employee, #salesman, #too low

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The Boss says, "Ken, you've almost reached your sales bonus level with time to spare." The Boss says, "Obviously I set your bonus threshold too low. I'll need to adjust it upward retroactively." Ken says, "Maybe I'm just a great salesperson!" The Boss says, "That's the spirit! Stay hungry!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #employee, #human resources, #Promotion, #raise, #facebook; social networks, #excited, #business

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Catbert says, "For the past six months you've done nothing but update your Facebook page." Catbert says, "Now we have an opening for a marketing manager for social networks and you're totally qualified. It's a huge raise and promotion." Man says, "Crime pays! I knew it!!!" Catbert says, "We're hoping you can lie as well as you steal."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #body language, #at odds with words, #endocrine system, #shutting down, #interrupted boss, #crazy, #psychotic episode

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Asok says, "Am I interrupting anything important?" Asok says, "Oh no. I have seen this before. You are preparing to put your body language at odds with your words!" The Boss says, "I always have time for my least important employee." Asok says, "My endocrine system is shutting down!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #clones, #duplicates, #confusion

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Dilbert says, "What the??" Dilbert says, "Don't be surprised." Dilbert says, "In any large company there is at least one employee who is your exact replica and has the same assignment." Dilbert says, "Why didn't I know that?" Dilbert says, "I'm not your replica. I'm a look-alike that is much smarter."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #new employee, #annoying, #frustrated, #cruel

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The boss says, "I hired a woman who laughs too much." Woman says, "Ha ha ha ha ha!" The boss says, "She'll be in the cubicle next to yours." Woman says, "Wa-ha ha ha ha!" Dilbert says, "I no longer worry about life passing too quickly."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #frustrated, #angry, #cruel, #mean, #complaining

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Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources Catbert says, "Being evil used to mean something." Catbert says, "These days I can cut salaries by 10% and people will thank me for not firing them!" The boss says, "So you want to help me eat employee lunches from the break room fridge?" Catbert says, "I'd like that."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #meeting, #employee, #graduate, #new, #avoiding, #useless, #business

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Man says, "I just got my MBA, and I'm here to solve all of your problems." Dilbert says, "Our products are junk and we're completely out of capital." Man says, "Have you tried jargon?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #new employee, #bragging, #education, #ridiculous, #doubting, #annoyed

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Man says, "I have an MBA from a top business school." Man says, "I'm a management expert because I read case studies about businesses that were in completely different situations." Man says, "Wait a minute. Why does that suddenly seem ridiculous?" Dilbert says, "Will this take much longer?"