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Dilbert and Wally are both wearing aprons. Dilbert, counting money, asks Wally, "How much did you make in tips today?" Wally says, "Three breath mints and one death threat scrawled on a napkin." Wally says to Dilbert, "I hope I don't forget which breath mint came from the napkin guy."
Wally says to Alice and Dilbert, "All music on the internet should be free. Artists could make money from digital tips." Catbert says to Wally, "Great idea. We'll do the same thing here with the engineers." Wally says to Dilbert, "Have you ever noticed that my ideas are only brilliant when applied to other people?"
As Dilbert sits at his computer he thinks to himself, "I'm sittin' in a box and checkin' my stocks." Dilbert continues thinking, "I must use all my willpower to resist checking every ten seconds." Dilbert again thinks, "I'm sittin' in a box and checkin' my stocks."
The Boss says to Dilbert, "Your salary is 115% of the midpoint for your range. Isn't that exciting?" Dilbert replies, "Why don't you say it's 115% below the top of the range which can never be achieved under our system?" The Boss answers with both hands covering the paper on his desk, "No peeking at the supervisor's page."
The Boss says to his staff, "I saved the money by buying a used consulting report." The Boss continues, "We're going to give the exclusive rights for something called DOS to something called Microsoft." The Boss adds, "I have a good feeling about this."
Dilbert says to the Boss, "I'm grossly underpaid. I want a raise." The Boss replies, "Oh, Dilbert, Dilbert, Dilbert." Dilbert responds, " What? What? What?" The Boss says to Dilbert, "People don't work here for money." The Boss continues in an enthused voice. "They work here for the challenge!" Dilbert answers, "If challenges are more valuable than money..." Dilbert continues, "Why don't you give me your money and I'll give you my challenges." After a moment of silence, Dilbert says "Well?" The Boss thinks to himself, "I must kill him before he infects the others."
At a meeting, the Boss announces: "I cancelled our dumpster service to save money." He continues: "I discovered an alternative that costs nothing." He tells everyone as he hands them a sheet of paper: "Everyone tear off a piece and put it in your pocket."
Dilbert is with his Mom. She is drinking tea. She asks Dilbert: "Did you do any action items this week?" Dilbert answers: "I gathered costs for a strategy we had already decided not to use." Dilbert's Mom says: "That helps the Ol' GNP." Dilbert tells her: "I'm not giving back your tuition money."
The Boss: Come in to the VP's office with me. you need to get some face time. Dilbert: What is Face Time? The Boss: Its very important. man: and this is you asking for a raise.
Dilbert says to Dogbert over a cup of coffee: "I know I could earn more money at another company. So why do I stay?" Dogbert says: "Maybe the coffee is good and you enjoy watching the antics of feeble, unaware loosers." Dilbert begins to say: "No, I don't think that's..." But Dogbert, finishing his cup of coffee, cuts him off with: "This coffee is good."