Desk Comic Strips - Page 43
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979 Results for Desk
View 421 - 430 results for desk comic strips. Discover the best "Desk" comics from Dilbert.com.
Monday February 10,
1997
Tags bullet point, monthly accomplishments, leveraged synergy, technology platforms
Transcript
Dilbert stands behind Wally's desk and says, "I need a bullet point for your monthly accomplishments, Wally." Wally replies, "Put me down for, 'Leveraged synergy across all technology platforms.'" Dilbert says, "That was your accomplishment last month." Wally replies, "It's more of a journey than a destination."
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marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac
Sunday February 09,
1997
Tags cafeteria, heimlich maneuver, insecure, job interview, low self esteem, pretend to choke, special kind of employee, work here, working unpaid overtime, overqualified
Transcript
The caption says, "Job interview." Wally sits across from the interviewer's desk. The man says, "We're looking for a special kind of employee, Wally." The man continues, "Specifically, we like people with low self-esteem." The man continues, "That way we can bully them into working unpaid overtime." The man asks, "Do you think you're insecure enough to work here?" Wally replies, "Let me put it this way." Wally says, "Sometimes I pretend to choke in the cafeteria . . ." Wally continues, "Then when someone performs the Heimlich maneuver on me I spin around suddenly . . ." Wally concludes, "Just to get a hug." Alice, Dilbert and Wally sit at a table eating lunch. Alice asks, "Did he really say you're over-qualified?" Wally pretends to choke on his food.
Thursday February 06,
1997
Tags Catbert, evil hr dircetor, boss didn't see struggle, low performance, alice, human resources binder, downsize
Transcript
Alice sits across from Catbert's desk. She says, "I was so good at my job that I never needed to bother my boss, but he gave me a low rating because he didn't see me struggling." Catbert replies, "I must refer to my human resources binders to see how to deal with this." Catbert looks at a bookcase filled with binders. Most of the binders are labeled "Downsize" and a few are labeled "Hire Losers."
Thursday January 30,
1997
Tags glass half empty, half in another glass, lips on glass, optimist half full, redundant glass
Transcript
Ratbert stands on a desk looking at a glass of water. He says, "A pessimist says the glass is half empty. An optimist says it's half full." Dilbert asks, "Did you put your lips on my glass again?" Ratbert says, "And the engineer says . . ." Dilbert says, "It's a good thing I put half of my water in a redundant glass."
Monday January 27,
1997
Tags Catbert, evil hr dircetor, lower base salary, necktie, Wally
Transcript
Catbert stands on a desk and says, "We've decided to lower your base salary, Wally." Catbert continues, "I realize this will be a hardship. But if you hand me your necktie I'll show you why this is being done." Dilbert asks Wally, "What did he say was the reason?" Wally replies, "'Because I can.'" Wally's tie has been shredded.
Thursday January 23,
1997
Tags layer of management, meeting disaster, senior management, warning the layer above, dont mention problems
Transcript
Alice sits across from the Boss's desk. The Boss says, "Don't mention any problems when you do your presentation to senior management, Alice." The Boss continues, "They might try to solve the problems during the meeting. That would be a disaster." Alice tells Dilbert, "As far as I can tell, every layer of management exists for the sole purpose of warning us about the layer above." Dilbert akss, "Are you saying they have a purpose?"
Wednesday January 22,
1997
Tags canceling life insurance, Catbert, evil hr director, extend vacations, family freindly, no longer allow, remove incentives, time off for death, kill relatives
Transcript
Catbert stands at his desk and types, "Effective immediately, the company will no longer allow time off for the death of a family member." Catbert continues, "This 'family friendly' policy will remove your incentive to extend vacations by killing relatives." Catbert continues, "And more good news: we're canceling your life insurance so your family won't try to snuff you out either."
Sunday January 19,
1997
Tags coaching session, never returned call, obstacle course, unpleasant coworker, blissful, productivity
Transcript
The caption says, "Office obstacle course." Dilbert walks down the hall. He sees another man and thinks, "Uh-oh, it's Phil. I never returned his call. Walk faster." Dilbert runs into the elevator as the doors close. He thinks, "Yes!!" Dilbert peers around a corner and thinks, "Uh-oh, it's an unpleasant co-worker who wants to be my friend." Dilbert walks behind Wally and a woman and thinks, "The clever engineer blends with the herd to avoid detection." Dilbert stands by Alice's desk and thinks, "Uh-oh, I owe Alice some information." Alice's phone rings. As Alice answers the phone, Dilbert runs by her desk and thinks, "Yes!!" Dilbert looks behind him and thinks, "There's only one more obstacle between me and blissful productivity." The Boss comes around the corner. Dilbert runs into the Boss and shouts, "My whole day is ruined!!!" The Boss says, "It looks like you need a one-on-one coaching session."
Sunday January 12,
1997
Tags buying car, touch negotiator, suggested retail price, invisible spary, scurvy, tax audits, airbag, gravel, lease terms, engraved, hood ornamnet
Transcript
The caption says, "Buying a car." Dilbert sits across from a car salesman's desk. The salesman says, "You're one tough negotiator." Dilbert replies, "Thanks." The salesman says, "It only took you four hours to get me all the way down to the manufacturer's suggested retail price." The salesman cries, "There's no profit left!! My family will go hungry!!" The man bawls. The salesman stops crying and says, "Sorry. I assume you want the rust inhibitor coating for only $500." Dilbert replies, "Um . . .Yeah. Rust is bad." The man jumps up and shouts, "Yes!! Ka-ching ka-ching!" The salesman says, "Sorry. We also have an invisible spray that protects against scurvy and tax audits." Dilbert replies, "Well . . . Okay." The salesman says, "Initial here if you want your airbag to be full of fresh aspen air instead of gravel." Dilbert reads the contract and says, "Only $600." Back at home, Dilbert tells Dogbert, "And the lease terms are engraved on this free hood ornament!" Dogbert replies, "Be glad they didn't install it."
Thursday January 02,
1997
Tags million dollars, ten thousand, separate business cards, value added support
Transcript
Dilbert stands in front of the Boss's desk. The Boss says, "You need a million dollars but I only have authority to sign for up to ten thousand." The Boss says, "Break it into a hundred separate business cases." Dilbert says, "Thank you for your value-added management support." The Boss replies, "It was nothing."

