Hope To Read Comic Strips - Page 43

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

493 Results for Hope To Read

View 421 - 430 results for hope to read comic strips. Discover the best "Hope To Read" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 14, 2013's comic on:


Tags #executives, #how-to, #book on leadership, #steve jobs, #warren buffet, #gandhi, #ryan seacrest, #carbon based life forms

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: I'm reading a book about what it takes to be a great leader. Do you know what Steve Jobs, Warren Buffett, Gandhi, and Ryan Seacrest have in common? Dilbert: None of them read this book. CEO: And they are carbon-based life-forms.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 16, 2013's comic on:


Tags #interviews, #lying, #job interview, #exaggerate credntials, #more effective, #business skill, #misleading, #convince customers, #prodcuts, #dupe some idiot, #learn tech skills, #honesty, #hr, #send offer, #liar

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: You look good on paper, but how do I know you aren't lying about your skills? Interviewee: You should hope I am lying. Studies show that people who exaggerate their credentials tend to be more effective once hired. That's because misleading people is a valuable business skill. For example, I might need to convince our customers that our products are better than the competition. Or I might need to dupe some idiot into leaving my cubicle so I can concentrate. Anyone can learn technical skills, but lying is an art form. Dilbert: He doesn't have an honest bone in his body. Boss: Perfect. I'll tell Human Resources to send him an offer.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 15, 2013's comic on:


Tags #frustration, #managers & supervisors, #product changes, #change orders, #new features, #online change order system, #old forms, #change order, #managemet, #better plan, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss; Don't make any product changes without change orders. When users ask for new features, direct them to the online change order system. Dilbert: That system only has the old forms. Boss: Tell someone to put the new ones on there. Wally: That would require a change order. Dilbert: Maybe we could tell users our sense of hope was killed by something called management. The we could sort of slump over like we're waiting for death's cold embrace. Boss: I'll get back to you if I think of a better plan.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 06, 2013's comic on:


Tags #complaining, #obstinacy, #peer coaching, #trendy, #complain, #insightful questions, #cause problems, #respoinsible

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice: Who's up for some peer coaching? Dilbert: What? Alice: It's the latest thing. Dilbert: Then it must be good. Alice: I'll complain about all of my work problems while you sit there and listen. Then you'll ask insightful questions that will cause me to come up with my own solutions. Dilbert: Okay. Have you considered the possibility that you cause all of your own problems by um... being you? Alice: You're terrible at this But that's not surprise because you're terrible at most things. I hope you die badly. Dilbert: Do I ask another insightful question now?

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 13, 2013's comic on:


Tags #executives, #flattery, #happiness, #underlings, #achievemnets, #warrants praise, #under budget, #head pat, #boss, #enjoys head pat, #psychology

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: I read an article that says leaders should acknowledge the achievements of their underlings. Have you done anything lately that warrants some praise? Boss: Well... I'm under budget because I forgot to staff one of our projects. CEO: Okay, I can work with that. Now I think I'm supposed to pat you on the head or something. Let's try that and see how we feel. Stop leaning in. Boss: Feels... so... good.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 23, 2013's comic on:


Tags #big business, #executives, #money, #corporate strcucture, #derivatives, #offshore accounts, #goodwill, #customers, #feel beholden

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: Our corporate structure is so complicated that I have no idea where our money even comes from I think it comes from derivatives or offshore accounts or maybe goodwill. Dilbert: Or maybe customers give us money. CEO: I hope not. I don't like to feel beholden.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 08, 2013's comic on:


Tags #gratitude, #managers & supervisors, #work ethic, #great leadership, #project, #useful things, #good work, #greedy, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I'd like to thank myself for my great leadership on the project. Some of you did useful things, too, but only because I threatened to fire you if you didn't. So don't let it go to your heads. Catbert: I hope you didn't tell them they did good work. Boss: No, that makes them greedy.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 16, 2014's comic on:


Tags #complaining, #frustration, #work ethic, #budget projections, #priorities, #solutions not problems

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice: I can't do my budget projections until you tell me your priorities for the coming year. Then you say, "Everything is a top priority. Fuf-fuh-fuh-fuh-fuh." I hope this is what you meant by "Bring me solutions, not problems."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 29, 2014's comic on:


Tags #cowardice, #terrorists, #international terrorist, #cancel order, #big hit earnings, #decimate value, #stock options, #transfer, #poor safety record

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I discovered that the customer for our fleet sale of commercial drones is an international terrorist. Now we have to cancel the order, take a big hit to earnings, and decimate the value of your stock options in the company. CEO: Or... I could transfer you to a department that has a poor safety record and hope for the best.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 15, 2014's comic on:


Tags #crimes, #revenge, #difficult co workers, #jerks, #jar of polonium, #deal with difficulty, #office, #Politics, #registered, #dog, #stool, #animals

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: Today you'll learn how to deal with difficult co-workers. Jerks will always be jerks. Your only hope is to kill them in ways that are untraceable. Boss: We need to talk. Dogbert: Each of you got a jar of polonium when you registered.