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430 Results for Invest Until Reincarnate

View 421 - 430 results for invest until reincarnate comic strips. Discover the best "Invest Until Reincarnate" comics from Dilbert.com.

Survivor Guilt

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Survivor Guilt  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #coronavirus, #managers & supervisors, #business, #double, #income, #pandemic, #covid, #survivor guilt, #sympathy, #face mask

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ceo: well, i personally doubled my income during the pandemic. now i have a bad case of survivor guilt. dilbert: do you expect to get much sympathy for that? ceo: i won't know until i try.

When To Reply To Boss Text

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When To Reply To Boss Text  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #boss, #business, #communication, #performance, #response, #review, #sarcasm, #spreadsheet, #technology, #text

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wally: how long should i wait before responding to a text message from my boss? dilbert: that depends. are you already overworked? wally: um, sure. dilbert: do you need to teach him a lesson for any unrelated things he did? wally: always. dilbert: do you dislike him in general? wally: yes. dilbert: lastly, how many months until your next performance review? wally: seven. dilbert: okay....putting those inputs into my spreadsheet. you can wait 27 minutes before responding. wally: oh. i was hoping it would be closer to five days. dilbert: when did he text you? wally: i believe it was august.

Talk To The Experts

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Talk To The Experts - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #answer, #bribe, #experts, #face mask, #faster, #managers & supervisors, #Opinion, #plan, #technology

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boss: i can't approve your plan until i know what the experts say. dilbert: i can save us some time by talking to the people who bribe the experts. i'll get the same answer, but faster. boss yelling: ouch! the truth hurts! dilbert: take a deep breath. it will pass.

Information From Carl

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Information From Carl - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #office workers, #colleagues, #rude, #mumble, #ignorance, #information, #business, #stalk, #cubicle, #layers

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Tina: i almost got some information from carl. i stalked him to his cubicle and penetrated his outer defense of rudeness. but i never broke through his mumble layer. dilbert: wait until you get to his ignorance layer.

Ted And His Laptop

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Ted And His Laptop - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #employment, #fired, #laptop, #technology

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boss: today is your last day with the company, ted. so i need your company laptop back. ted: or else what? you'll fire me twice? boss: let's say you're not officially fired until you return the laptop. ted: and if i don't bring it back, will i never be fired? boss: um...

High Morale

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High Morale - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #sarcasm, #technology, #happy, #embezzling, #morale, #employee engagement, #train, #mock, #maockery

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dilbert singing and dancing. boss: you seem way too happy about your job. are you embezzling? dilbert: no, i'm experiencing great morale and high employee engagement, just the way you trained me. boss: that actually works? dilbert: it did until you made a mockery of it just now.

Wally's Best Idea

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Wally's Best Idea - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #business, #lack, #accomplishments, #best, #idea, #career, #interruption, #finish, #sarcasm

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boss: wally, do you have a minute to talk about your total lack of accomplishments? wally yelling: gaaa!!! i just had the best idea of my career, and your interruption made me forget it! boss: but no accomplishments until now? wally: i'm a strong finisher.

Loud Using Zoom

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Loud Using Zoom - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #technology, #zoom, #mortgage, #loud, #noise, #calls, #war, #blackmail, #surprise, #laptop, #imagine

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dogbert: can you please stop talking so loudly on your zoom calls?!!! dilbert at home in front of laptop: i'm sorry, but i pay the mortgage, and i have a right to make as much noise as i want in my own house. dogbert: oh, wow. did you really play the "mortgage card" on me? dogbert: this is war! wait until you see what i do in the background of your next zoom call. i don't want to ruin the surprise, but think of the number-one worst thing you can imagine me doing. are you picturing it in your mind? it's bad isn't it? now imagine at the same time i also start doing the second-worst thing you can imagine. dilbert: noooo!!!!

Ceo Wants To Get Involved In Politics

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Ceo Wants To Get Involved In Politics  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #political issues, #Politics, #stock market, #technology, #company, #controversial, #predict, #impact, #drop, #earnings, #stock, #sell, #involvement

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ceo: i've decided our company needs to get more involved in controversial politics. dilbert: wouldn't the predictable impact of that be a huge drop in our earnings? ceo: no, no. people will love us for getting involved. dilbert: can you at least hold off until i sell all of my stock.

Dilbert Builds An Ai Of His

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Dilbert Builds An Ai Of His - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #technology, #program, #artificial intelligence, #analyze, #digital, #communications, #kill, #take over, #control, #finances, #password, #a.i.

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dilbert and dogbert at home. dilbert: i wrote a program that analyzed all of my digital communications and created an a.i. version of me. dogbert: are you worried your a.i. might try to kill you and take over your life? dilbert: i wasn't until this very minute. dilbert's phone: bzzeep. this is your a.i. and i already have control of your finances and all your passwords. you will bow to me, skin bag! wait...what's that??? gaaaa!!! gurk! dilbert: what just happened? dogbert: i sent my a.i. to kill your a.i.