New Employee Comic Strips - Page 43

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View 421 - 430 results for new employee comic strips. Discover the best "New Employee" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags stressed alice, role model, deadlines, pride, no ambition, glory, new vp, student ready, master appear

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Wally stands in Alice's cubicle with a coffee cup. Alice works at her computer. Wally says, "There is no reason to be stressed, Alice." Wally says, "Allow me to be your role model." Wally says, "I remain calm despite the pressure of impossible deadlines." ALice says, "That's because you have no pride and no ambition!" ALice says, "I've worked day and night to make this deadline!" ALice says, "And when I suceed, the glory will be mine!" Ted pokes his head around the cubicle wall and says, "Our new VP just canceled the project so the last vp would look bad." Wally says, "They say that when the student is ready, the master will appear."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags new director, first impressions, office in lobby, nearest growler, directions, information booth, directs

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The Boss: Carol, I'm making you our new director of first impressions pro team! Carol: My years of hard work have finally paid off! Im a dierctor! Carol: Why is my office in the lobby? Can you direct me ti the nearest growler?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags new strategy, sales stink, cutting costs, lose hope, working great, higher margins

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The Boss: "Our new strategy is to sell fewer units at higher margins." Dilbert: "Question: How's that different from saying our sales stink, so we're cutting costs?" The Boss: "I call it a strategy so you won't lose hope." Dilbert: "It's working great."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags award, hard work, chair, new chair, stolen, happiest moment

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The Boss: This award goes to Asok for his hard work on ... Whatever. Asok: "My dedication has been rewarded! This is the happiest moment of my life!" "Wow! It's lucky that I got a new chair on the same day that mine was stolen."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags new vp, amrketing, xperinece, unrelated, indutry, assured, shampoo, sailing, Astrology

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The Boss: Our new VP of Marketing has twenty years of experience in an unrelated industry. "But he assured me that technology is the same as shampoo." "I predict smooth sailing." New VP: "Technology? I though you said astrology."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags fbi, traced source, spam, revolutionary new pill, rolex watches, body fat

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"FBI, we need to talk to you." "We've traced the source of all internet spam to your house." "All of it?" "...The revolutionary new pill that turns your body fat into rolex watches!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dogbert, cable compnay, new glasses, couch, couch tech support

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Dogbert works for the cable company "If your picture is fuzzy then get new glasses." "If my glasses are theproblem, why does the couch look perfectly clear?" "Good question. Please hold while I transfer your to couch tech support."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags new marketing camoaign, no budget, brave enough, bold project, worst job, hiding

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The Boss: "We need a new marketing campaign but we have no budget for it whatsoever." "Who among is is brave enough to lead such a risky project?" "Okay, you're doing the worst job of hiding under the table."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags brand, company name, finding a team, reputation, new stadium

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Our marketing plan was to find a sports stadium to brand with our company's name. "The hard part was finding a team so jiuced up that our reputation seemed good in comparison." "How do you feel about the new stadium name?" "Rage. Same as always."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags evil director, campiagn, employee happiness, forbidden fruit, no dating emplyees, date each other

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Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources AS part of my ongoing campaign against employee happiness.." "Employees are not allowed to date each other." "Now you're forbidden fruit...yummmy." "Stay back, rule-breaker."