The Succession Plan Comic Strips - Page 43

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View 421 - 430 results for the succession plan comic strips. Discover the best "The Succession Plan" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #illness, #laziness, #sitting disease, #sit all day, #bad health, #safety more eimportant, #drink coffee instead

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Wally: I've got a bad case of something the experts call "sitting disease." Studies show that people who sit all day for their jobs have 40% greater chance of dying in the next three years. Company policy says safety is more important than productivity, right? Boss: Um... sort of. Wally: So instead of sitting at my desk working, I plan to walk around and drink coffee. For safety reasons. Boss: GO sit at your desk or you're fired. There's a good chance this problem will resolve itself within three years.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #big business, #discussion, #clear expectations, #revising them, #faulty, #inspiring

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Boss: The key to great leadership is setting clear expectations and periodically revising them as conditions change. Dilbert: If you plan to revise expectations, that tells me you know them to be faulty now. Boss: Maybe. Wally: Stop inspiring me so much.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #discussion, #thinking, #brain storming, #ignore studies, #hatred, #agreed

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Boss: Who wants to go first with the brainstorming? Dilbert: I suggest we ignore all of the studies that say brainstorming doesn't work. Boss: Now I hate you a little extra. Dilbert: Because I agreed with your plan?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #optimism, #die younger, #ignornat, #comparison, #peers, #bright future, #better than me

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Dilbert: What a great day! Alice: What's all this nonsense? Dilbert: I"m trying to be an optimist. Alice: Studies show that optimists die younger. So this optimism thing just makes you look ignorant. And because my happiness is based on a comparison to my peers, I don't want your future to be too bright. Stop thinking you're better than me in the future! Dilbert: This is exactly why I want to die younger. Alice: You already knew that optimists die young? Dilbert: Yup! How's your plan working?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #laziness, #work ethic, #slacker, #entire career, #listen to podcasts, #drink coffe, #surf internet, #multi slacking

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Wally: I've been a slacker my entire career, but now I want more out of life. My plan is to listen to podcasts while I drink coffee and search the Internet for fun. Dilbert: Multi-slacking? Wally: Wish me luck.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #behind schedule, #obstical, #projects, #sound dumb, #three engineers, #time management skills

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Boss: All of your projects are behind schedule. You need to work on your time management skills. Dilbert:Let me see if I understand you correctly. You expect me to do the job of three engineers... ...and the only obstical to your brilliant plan os my poor time management? Boss: Stop making everything I say sound dumb. Dilbert: I dont do it that often. Because you only sound dumb when people understand what you mean. Boss: And thats too Often! Dilbert: Once a week tops.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #boredom, #non-fiction, #ghostwrite, #leadership advice, #sounds boring, #read, #secretary, #request

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Boss: Tina, I want you to ghostwrite a book of my leadership advice. Tina: Do you plan to read it? Boss: NO, it sounds boring.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #deception, #email, #insulting, #intelligence, #iq, #trickery, #work ethic, #obession, #addiction, #work smarter, #text, #efficiency

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Wally: Studies show that continually checking email lowers your functional I.Q. You advised me to "work smarter," so I plan to ignore all of your email from now on. Boss: What if I text you instead? Wally: That's the sort of question that one asks after checking email too often. Boss: Did you just insult me? Wally: That answer is in your email. Boss: Where is it? I don't see any email from you. But I see six new emails that look important. What were we talking about. Wally: You were complimenting me on my efficiency.

Winning The Bid

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Winning The Bid - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #bidding, #executives, #lying, #outsourcing, #projects, #winning bid, #good news, #secretly subcontract, #scream, #presentation

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Dilbert: The good news is that we had the winning bid for the project. The less-good news is that we don't make the product we just sold, nor could we make it for the price we bid. My plan is to put out an RFP to secretly subcontract the work to a bigger liar. CEO: That could work.

Launch Beta In Two Months

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Launch Beta In Two Months - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #credibility, #lying, #truth, #beta version, #laughing, #problem

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Dilbert: And I plan to launch the beta version in two months. Group: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Dilbert: I have a credibility problem. Dogbert: And I should believe that?