Won't Survive Comic Strips - Page 43

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

426 Results for Won't Survive

View 421 - 426 results for won't survive comic strips. Discover the best "Won't Survive" comics from Dilbert.com.

Ceo Does Math

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Ceo Does Math - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #death & dying, #diseases, #earth, #humans, #sarcasm, #pandemic, #virus

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: Why is everyone so panicked about coronavirus when maybe only 1% who get it will die? Catbert: One percent of the population of Earth would be...77 million dead. CEO: Yes, but the whole world won't get it. Catbert: They will if they listen to you.

Dilbert Tells The Odds

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dilbert Tells The Odds - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #decision, #estimate, #managers & supervisors, #miscommunication, #odds, #technology, #wrong

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert: i estimate odds at a 70% chance things go well, and a 30% chance we lose money on the deal. boss: if we lose money, will you admit you were wrong? dilbert: how could i be wrong? i'm just telling you the odds. boss: if we lose money, that's on you for recommending it. dilbert: um...no. i'm telling you the odds and letting you decide. boss: but you're the one saying this is such a great deal. dilbert upsetting and yelling forcing face mask off his face: i'm only telling you the odds, you pea-brained ignoramus!!! boss: so, you won't admit you were wrong? dilbert's face mask is over his eyes.

Where The Problems Are

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Where The Problems Are - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #application, #app, #technology, #improvement, #dumb, #implement, #problems, #insult, #face mask

View Transcript

Transcript

co-worker: do you have any suggestions for improving the app? dilbert: yes, but you are far too dumb to implement any of them, so i won't bother. co-worker: at least tell me where the problems are. dilbert pointing at co-worker: the big ones are all in this big bag of skin.

The Timing Trick

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
The Timing Trick - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #office workers, #timing, #trick, #neighborhood, #visit, #estimate, #eta, #home, #cancel, #promise, #late, #face mask

View Transcript

Transcript

tina: i'll be in your neighborhood saturday, maybe i'll stop by. dilbert: i'm not falling for that trick. tina: what trick? dilbert: the trick where you give me an estimated time and then push it back seven times until you cancel. i'll be stuck waiting at home until my whole day is wasted. tina: i promise i won't do that. i'll stick to the time. dilbert: what time is that? tina: depends how my day goes. dilbert thinking: and so it begins. tina: i'll text you if i'm running late.

Survivor Guilt

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Survivor Guilt  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #coronavirus, #managers & supervisors, #business, #double, #income, #pandemic, #covid, #survivor guilt, #sympathy, #face mask

View Transcript

Transcript

ceo: well, i personally doubled my income during the pandemic. now i have a bad case of survivor guilt. dilbert: do you expect to get much sympathy for that? ceo: i won't know until i try.

Quotes Out Of Context

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Quotes Out Of Context  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #anger, #business, #context, #dumb, #employment, #face mask, #malice, #managers & supervisors, #out of context, #project, #quote, #writing

View Transcript

Transcript

co-worker: i don't like what you wrote about my project, so i took one of your quotes out of context, to make you look dumb, and sent it to your boss. dilbert: that won't work, because once i explain the proper context, he will see there is nothing to it. later that day. dilbert: ...so, as you can see, that quote was out of context. boss yelling: liar!!!