Useful Things Comic Strips - Page 44

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507 Results for Useful Things

View 431 - 440 results for useful things comic strips. Discover the best "Useful Things" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #time, #time management

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Dilbert: You asked for a breakdown of what I did this month. I wasted 25 percent of my time in useless meetings. I spent 33 percent of my time listening to co-workers complain about other co-workers. I used 11 percent to resend files I already sent. 14 percent went to dealing with a rumor you started by accident. 16 percent went toward working on the wrong things because you communicate poorly. Boss: What did you do with the 1 percent that was left? Dilbert: You just experienced it.

Dilbert Is Barely Trying

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Dilbert Is Barely Trying - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #jobs, #progress, #problems, #expectations

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Dogbert: I've notice that you go to work every day and yet the world is still a boiling cesspool of terribleness. It's as if you're not even trying. Dilbert: I gotta go. I'm late for doing nothing useful. Dogbert: I'm already forgetting your name.

Dogbert's Recommendations

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Dogbert's Recommendations - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Advice, #consultant, #listening, #employees, #business

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Dogbert Consults. Dogbert: I recommend doing all of the things your employees have been telling you to do. Boss: I don't see why I should pay you for this. Dogbert: Oh. Then how about doing all the things your competition is doing? Boss: Now, that's a great idea. Dogbert: Good, because that's what your employees have been telling you to do.

Tina's Soul Will Live On

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Tina's Soul Will Live On - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #reincarnation, #afterlife, #faith, #soul

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Tina: I hate my job, but I'm looking forward to my afterlife. Dilbert: Are you hearing good things about decomposing? Tina: My soul will live forever. Wally: Good luck. I lost mine at my first performance review.

P Ity The Windowless

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P Ity The Windowless - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #cubicle, #office, #office workers, #location, #window, #ego, #superiority

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Tina: Do you think you're better than me just because you have a cubicle with a window? Wally: Yes. Continuous exposure to new stimuli makes my brain create useful pathways and connections. Tina: I did not see that coming. Wally: I pity the windowless.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #insult, #meeting, #tardiness, #punctual, #badmouth, #business

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Dilbert: It seems that everyone but Ted made it to this meeting. If we proceed without Ted, our decisions will be underinformed. If we try to reschedule a meeting with all of us, we will miss the critical deadline. Thanks to Ted, we have two ways to lose and no way to win. I say we use this time to say bad things about Ted to make ourselves feel better. I'll start. Ted is a lazy, selfish loser, If I could travel through time, I would prevent Ted's parents from meeting. Don't look at me like I'm the one who came late.

Requesting The Slightest Change

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Requesting The Slightest Change - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #web, #internet, #site, #code, #coding, #development, #deadline, #delay, #time, #technology

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Boss: Will our new website be live this week? Developer: That depends. If you request even the slightest change, it could set things back for months. Boss: I only want to change the homepage title font. Developer: Oh, great. I should be done by next summer.

Estimating Finish Times

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Estimating Finish Times - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #website, #internet, #developer, #code, #coding, #deadline, #time, #deception, #lying, #technology

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Boss: I'm having trouble managing our web developer because I don't know how long things are supposed to take. Does it really take nine months to change the font on the home page? Developer: How much do I owe you? Dilbert: Tell him my project normally takes two years.

Boss Makes Dilbert Get Buy In

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Boss Makes Dilbert Get Buy In - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers, #purpose, #use, #useful, #threat

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Boss: I'll approve this if you get buy-in from the rest of the department. Dilbert: What value are you adding to that scenario? Boss: I'm not firing you. Dilbert: In that case, keep up the good work.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #sarcasm, #obliviousness, #future, #psychic

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Boss: Do these cost estimates include everything? Dilbert: Yes, because I know what happens in the future. I didn't think I could accurately predict the future until you trusted me to put this budget together. I thought there were too many variables to know how things will turn out. But I defer to your superior opinion. Wait... I'm getting another message from the future. It says to raise the software budget by nine dollars. Boss: Okay, that sounds right. Dilbert: Of course it does. Trust your instincts.