Computer Programmers Comic Strips - Page 44

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View 431 - 440 results for computer programmers comic strips. Discover the best "Computer Programmers" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags procurement, special cable, rope, exclusive contract, rope distributer, monkey, cheaper, desk, animals

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Headline: Procurement. Dilbert says to a monkey, "I need to order a special cable for my computer." The monkey holds up a rope and says, "Ooh hoo hoo hoo!" Dilbert responds, "No. That's a piece of rope. Yes, I know it's cheaper." Dilbert continues, "Well, maybe it was a mistake to sign an exclusive contract with a rope distributor." The monkey crosses its arms and replies, "Ooh hoo hoo jerk."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags sitting in, boss, walk around, avoid decisons, grossly underpaid, did before, more money

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Dilbert is sitting at his computer. Wally approaches. Dilbert asks, "How do you like sitting in for The Boss?" Wally responds, "It's easy." Wally continues, "All I do is walk around and make people loathe me while I avoid making decisions." Dilbert says, "That's all you ever did before." Wally replies, "Apparently, I was grossly underpaid."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags bankrupt, 401k money gone, investing, competitors stock, wally rich, investing in competition

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Wally is sitting at his computer. Alice approaches and says, "Wally, what are we going to do now that we're bankrupt and our 401k money is gone?" Wally responds, "No problem. I've been investing all of my money in our competitor's stock. Now I'm rich." Alice asks, "Why do you still come to work?" Wally responds, "I don't know how to make coffee."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags feng shui, office, trerrible, energy being drained, computer fan

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Carol enters The Boss' office and says, "The feng shui in your office is terrible." The Boss replies, "It is?" Carol says, "That hum... it's the sound of your energy being drained into the internet." Dilbert asks Carol, "Who told him that his computer fan is killing him?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags beginning to feel, daily, defective, hreatened, vendor comparison

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A coworker is sitting at his computer. Dilbert asks him, "Did you finish the vendor comparison that you promised you'd give me today?" The coworker mutters, "No." The coworker says, "I'm one of those people that needs to be threatened every day or I won't do anything." Dilbert says, "You're very defective." The coworker responds, "Good start. I'm beginning to feel something."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags face for wrinkles, face is killing me, inject deadly poison, botox, dermal fillers, botchulism

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Dilbert is sitting at his computer. A female coworker approaches and asks, "Do you think I should inject a deadly poison in my face to hide wrinkles?" Dilbert responds, "It's only fair that you poison your face, because your face is killing me. Hee Hee Hee!" The coworker says, "The correct answer is 'You don't need to.'" Dilbert replies, "Was your mother a shar-pei?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags make box bluer, micromanaging, blood smaple, microscope, manage cellular level, erwin schrodinger, quantum level, free gifts, white blood cells, say hi

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Alice is sitting at her computer. The Boss approaches and says, "Make the box bluer." The Boss continues, "A little more.. A little more... A little more.." Alice interrupts, "That's it!!" Alice opens her drawer and exclaims, "When you get tired of micromanaging me..." Alice hands The Boss a cup of blood and continues, "Put this sample of my blood under a microscope so you can manage me on a cellular level." Alice continues yelling, "And here's a book by Erwin Schrodinger in case you'd like to manage me on a quantum level!" Alice screams, "Do you understand what I'm saying?" The Boss walks out carrying the blood sample and book. He thinks, "Free gifts." The Boss sits at his desk and says to the blood sample, "Now I want all of you white blood cells to spell 'Hi.'"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags mouse training, mandatory, western grip, carpal tunnel, weak muscles, two handed mouse, massage, back

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Dilbert is sitting at his computer. Tina approaches and says, "I'm signing up people for the mandatory mouse training club." Tina continues, "I see you're using a Western grip. That's just begging for carpal tunnel." Tina grabs Dilbert's wrist and says, "Weak muscles... I'll put you in the two- handed mouse class." Dilbert responds, "Ouch."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags mouse training, important, meeting, question, silly, pick me, answer, diagram, computer mouse, business

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Headline: Mouse training. The instructor asks the class, "Who wants to share an opinion on why mouse training is important?" Wally raises his hand enthusiastically and says, "Ooh-ooh! Pick me!" The instructor says, "Yes, Wally." Wally responds, "No one?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags cancel meetings, manage email, communicate, wants everything emailed, automated email

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The Boss approaches Carol and says, "Carol, cancel all of my meetings forever." The Boss continues, "From now on, I plan to stay in my office and manage by e- mail." Carol responds, "You still need to communicate some things in person." The Boss replies, "No, I don't. I can do it all by e-mail." The Boss types, "Carol, e-mail me the budget." He hits "Send." The Boss sits back and thinks, "And now, like magic.." The computer alerts, "You have 1 message." The e-mail reads, "Auto-reply: Carol is out of the office." The Boss looks out and sees Carol at her desk. Carol waves. The Boss thinks, "We have a situation here."