Crushing Head Comic Strips - Page 44
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Asok: Wally how can you be so stress free? Wally: Its quite simple. Stress is caused by an unrealistic belief that people care about you, I, on the other hand expect pope to be like me. Lets visit ted and I'll show you how this works. Ted, do you have the budget numbers that you promised me? Thats next on my to-do lit. While he was lying to me, I told his stapler, so I came out a head. He forgot his mug, Im going to sip that puppy into my briefcase.
Dilbert: Our new product is either wildly successful or underwater... DIlbert: depending on ho you want to allocate management over head expenses. Dilbert: Apparently you don't want to think about it and get back to me
Try to get through this meeting without teling our customers how stupid you think they're being. "I'll try." "But sometimes the pressure builds up in my head and it's unbearable." "Tough it out." "Is he okay? "He's fine. Ignore him."
The Habitual Liar Alice: "I thought you died." Liar: "No. I feel great!" Alice: "I'm sure you're dead. Your head is a skull." Liar : "I cut back on carbs." Alice: "Your head isnt' even attatched to your body." Liar"I take yoga."
Dogbert: Here's my bill for the consulting work I've done for you over the past year. The Boss: "What consulting? I haven't seen any reports." Dogbert: "I did it all in my head. I don't like to waste paper." The Boss: "What's your recommendation?" Dogbert: "Status Quo. You're doing everything right."
RAtbert: You're a successful engineer and I'm a failed CEO. It's kind of funny that I'm worth $100 million and you're not. " It's funny because it's all reverse of how it should be." Dilbert: "It's funny because your head wouldn't normally fit inside a glass."
Five-Star Hotel The Boss: "I'd like a wake-up call at 6 a.m. and a second one at 6:15." "Then I'd like a team of bellmen to lift the head of the bed while blind maids hold my pants so I can slide into them." "Why yes, as a matter of fact, I AM a manager."
"We won the Elbonia bid, but I had to promise we'd give them plans to build a nuclear warhead." "Don't worry. I got the plans off the Internet and I modified a few things." "Now all we need is some highly enriched bread."
"First I'll saw open your head. Then I'll replace your faulty brain with a fresh cauliflower." "How do I know you won't put me to sleep, eat the cauliflower and claim the operation worked?" "That reminds me: your insurance doesn't cover anesthesia."