Managers Comic Strips - Page 44
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596 Results for Managers
View 431 - 440 results for managers comic strips. Discover the best "Managers " comics from Dilbert.com.
Thursday February 13,
2014
Tags deception, language, managers & supervisors, key to leadership, vague golas, jargon, wishful thinking, dumping work, whine about goals, better system, business
Transcript
Boss: The key to leadership is setting vague goals that are a combination of jargon and wishful thinking. That way, I can keep dumping work on you without hearing you whine that it doesn't fit with your goals. You have to admit, my system is better than whatever you're doing over there. Dilbert: Yup.
Sunday February 02,
2014
Tags engineers, managers & supervisors, questioning, jeff bezos rule, rule of meetings, two pizzas, feed a meeting, eat two pizzas, zeros paradox, feed everyone, cheese bread, business
Transcript
Boss: We're going to use the Jeff Bezos rule of meetings. Bezos says you should never have a meeting that is so big you can't feed everyone with two pizzas. Wally: I can eat two pizzas by myself. Alice: How do you count the people who have gluten sensitivity and don't eat pizza? Dilbert: If I apply Zeno's Paradox to the slice size, can I have infinite attendees? Wally: And what does it mean to "feed" everyone? Do they need to be totally full? Boss: Stop being engineers! Wally: How does cheese bread fit into this?
Monday January 20,
2014
Tags irony, managers & supervisors, work ethic, manipulated, management fads, engaged, motivated, business
Transcript
Asok: Happy Monday! Thanks to your slavish pursuit of management fads, I feel engaged and motivated! Boss: It's sort of creepy. Asok: I love being manipulated!
Friday January 17,
2014
Tags managers & supervisors, vendor, software patch, installed, add value, tested, business
Transcript
Boss: Ask the vendor if they have a software patch to fix our problem. Dilbert: I already asked for the patch, installed it, and thoroughly tested in in production. Boss: I think I'll go add value someplace else. Dilbert: That's a good place to do it.
Wednesday January 08,
2014
Tags emotional well being, hug, managers & supervisors, rodents, touch a rat, around neck, exercises, business
Transcript
Boss: Experts say I can increase your engagement by caring for your emotional well-being. I would give you a hug, but I'm afraid of getting whatever made you this way. But I am willing to touch a rat that touches you, and that's not nothing. Wally: Put it on my neck.
Monday January 06,
2014
Tags managers & supervisors, suspicion, startegic engineer group, worst in one group, insightful, business
Transcript
Boss: Ted, I'm moving you to a newly formed strategic engineering group. Ted; Are you putting all of your worst employees in one group so you can later eliminate the function and avoid firing each person individually? Boss: You picked a bad time to to become insightful.
Thursday January 02,
2014
Tags managers & supervisors, public speaking, heros journey, power point, pointed haired monster, business
Transcript
Boss: Experts say you should format your presentation like a "Hero's Journey." Presentation: Eventually, the plucky engineer finished his PowerPoint slides despite interference from a pointy-haired monster. Boss: Experts never warn you about that part.
Monday December 30,
2013
Tags business ethics, executives, managers & supervisors, kill or cannibalize, business
Transcript
CEO: Experts say we need to be willing to kill or cannibalize our best businesses. Boss: I can do that. I've been killing our best businesses for years. CEO: That's all the leadership I have for today. Boss: That'll last me.
Saturday December 14,
2013
Tags distress, work ethic, managers meet, effectiveness, promotions, boss fight for
Transcript
Boss: When the managers meet to talk about promotions, I'll fight for you. Alice: Are you saying my future depends on your effectiveness and not mine? Boss: This went differently than I expected. Alice: Why?! Why?! Why?!
Sunday December 08,
2013
Tags executives, laziness, managers & supervisors, famous leaders, copy, 16 hrs a day, reading about industry, leaders eat cake, business
Transcript
Dogbert: I have studied the practices of famous leaders so you can copy them. First, work sixteen hours every day. Boss & CEO: Sixteen hours?? Dogbert: And in your spare time, you should be reading about your industry to stay current. Boss & CEO: Reading??? Dogbert: Oookay. This isn't working. Suppose I told you that famous leaders eat a lot of cake? That took a creepy turn.


