Ceo Comic Strips - Page 44

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627 Results for Ceo

View 431 - 440 results for ceo comic strips. Discover the best "Ceo" comics from Dilbert.com.

New Military Project

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New Military Project - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags name, weapon, semantics, language

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Boss: My staff is threatening to quit because of our military contracts. CEO: Tell them we only work on defensive weapons. Boss: It might help if we changed the project name from "City-killing Laser In Space." CEO: How about "Skylight?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, decision, executives, managers & supervisors, sarcasm, success, manipulation

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CEO: Profits have increased thirty percent under my leadership. Dilbert: Snort. CEO: What? Dilbert: All you do is pick the best plans from the options we show you. CEO: Exactly, and I pick the best plan every time. Dilbert: That's because we only show you the best plans compared to the worst plans we can think of. We control every decision you make by manipulating your perception of the options. CEO: We need to fix that. Dilbert: How do you fix something that isn't broken?

Employee Engagement Is Up

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Employee Engagement Is Up - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags employees, managers & supervisors, obliviousness, questions, data, measurement

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Boss: And I've improved employee engagement by nineteen percent. CEO: What is employee engagement? Boss: I'm not entirely sure. CEO: Then how do you measure it? Boss: Honestly, I wasn't expecting a lot of questions.

Birds Cause Hurricanes

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Birds Cause Hurricanes - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags boss, ceo, research, nonsense, hurricans, birds, noted, polar bears, hate, snow

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CEO: I don't know enough about climate change to sound smart when people talk about it. Boss: Try doing your own research. That's how I learned that hurricanes are caused by birds. CEO: Write that down for me. Boss: And did you know polar bear hate snow?

Chatting With The Ceo

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Chatting With The Ceo - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, office, office workers, sarcasm, ceo

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the boss: i saw you chatting with our eco. what was that all about? dilbert: we were talking about what a great job you do. dilbert: you believe that, right? the boss: seems plausible.

Engineers Don't Lie

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Engineers Don't Lie - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags boss, business, office, office workers, ceo

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the boss: i saw dilbert talking to the ceo. i think he's trying to undermine me. catbert: engineers don't lie. the boss: that's what worries me.

Finding A Scapegoat

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Finding A Scapegoat - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, office, project, ceo, scapegaot, climate change

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the boss: we'll need a scapegoat to blame for our failure on this project. dilbert: no one will believe it wasn't our fault. the boss: are you kidding? the boss: people will believe anything. the boss: we just have to be the first to frame the situation. dilbert: i suppose we could make our lie sound credible. the boss: that's overkill. dilbert: we don't need to sound credible? the boss: not even a little. the boss is in ceo's office. the boss: our project failed because of climate change. ceo: that sounds right.

Ceo Visits

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Ceo Visits - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags boss, employees, hiding, managers & supervisors, office workers

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Boss: Our CEO is coming for an office visit tomorrow. I need you to tidy up your cubicle and hide in the bathroom when he visits. Wally: Won't he wonder where everyone is? Boss: No, this is more of a "you" thing.

Boss Recommends Blockchain

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Boss Recommends Blockchain - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags boss, business, computer software, managers & supervisors, office workers, technology

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CEO: I don't understand why you are recommending blockchain for this application. Boss: My staff are the experts, but I can explain the basic idea. You see, using blockchain is like losing a necklace on the beach. Then a seagull finds the necklace and takes it back to it's nest. And we all like data security, don't we? CEO: It's almost as if you are proposing a plan you don't understand at any level. Boss: Well, yes, but keep in mind that you wouldn't understand it even if I could explain it. CEO: But you're sure someone on your staff understands it, right? Boss: Define "sure".

Best Employees

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Best Employees  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags big business, confused, employees, customer service

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CEO: We have the best employees in the industry! Dilbert: Then why are we ranked last in customer satisfaction? CEO: I blame our customers. Wally: Why can't they be awesome like us?