Fifty Year Old Comic Strips - Page 44

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View 431 - 440 results for fifty year old comic strips. Discover the best "Fifty Year Old" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #entire budget, #empire building, #work on trendy things, #vote to cut budget

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Filling in for the Pointy-Haired Boss A man says, "Does your department need its entire budget this year?" Dilbert says, "no, we'll waste most of it on empire building and appearing to work on trendy things." The man says, "All in favor of cutting this guy's budget in half?" Dilbert says, "I call do-over! Do-over!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #elf, #feel special, #likes pets, #random stack, #birthday, #birthday cards

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Alice says, "Today is Shelly's birthday. We should make her feel special." Alice says, "Do you still have that random stack of birthday cards you got on sale last year?" Dilbert says, "I'm all over it." Alice says, "She likes pets. The closest thing you have is an elf." Dilbert says, "Draw whiskers on it."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #graphics dept, #approve outisde services, #forcing to fail, #justify budget, #my cubicle, #imagine futility

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Dilbert says, "Our graphics department is too busy to help me and won't approve outside services." Dilbert says, "They're forcing me to fail so they can justify a bigger budget next year." Dilbert says, "If you need me, I'll be in my cubicle trying to imagine what futility doesn't feel like."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #elderly, #old, #phone, #landline phones, #no caller id, #new technology, #offered hard candy, #fiddlesticks, #couldn't hear

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We surveyed a thousand people who still have landline phones and no caller I.D. We asked for their opinion on our new technology. 34% said, "Fiddlesticks," and 23% couldn't hear the question. 43% thought we were in the room with them and offered us a hard candy.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #agreeing, #meeting, #calendar, #scheduling, #ignorant, #clueless, #business

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Dilbert says, "We agreed on about fifty things today, but you didn't take any notes." Dilbert says, "Let's schedule our next meeting to rehash all the stuff you'll forget from today." Dilbert says, "DO you have your calendar with you?" Morgan says, "No. Why do you ask?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #meeting, #hire, #consultant, #raise morale, #pointless, #magic, #feel good, #business

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The Boss says, "I hired a consultant to raise your morale by making you glad you're not him." Ratbert says, "No one loves me. My life is pointless. I eat old soap." The Boss says, "Now let the magic begin." Dilbert says, "I feel good about not eating old soap." Ratbert says, "Cha!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #ombudsman, #devil, #helen fry, #job, #management, #complaint, #issue, #pitchfork, #business

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The Boss says, "Helen, we're looking for a new ombudsman. Your experience in the afterlife makes you an ideal candidate." Helen says, "I'll take the job. But call me Mrs. Fry." Asok says, "I have an issue with management." The Boss says, "Go to Helen Fry." Yes, I know it's an old joke

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #meeting, #poltergeist, #copy machine, #promote, #server, #union, #scary, #creepy, #original, #nervous, #business

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The Boss says, "I hired a new poltergeist for our copy machine. Our old one got promoted to the server farm." Dilbert says, "Wouldn't it be better to not have any poltergeists?" The Boss says, "It's a union thing." Tina says, "May I please have my original back?" Poltergeist says, "I can't hear you. Put your face up close."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #preventer of information services, #mordac, #vampire, #grumpy, #crossed arms, #upgrad computer, #useful, #non-standard, #software, #wordsmith, #yell, #point, #engineering

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Mordac, the Preventer of Information Services Tina says, "My software is so old that I can't open any files that people send me." Mordac says, "I can't upgrade your computer because then it will be non-standard." Tina says, "And by non-standard, you mean useful?" Mordac says, "Be gone, wordsmith!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #quality metric, #bid proposals, #magic powers, #sarcastic, #silly, #joke, #serious, #hand paper, #muggles, #harry potter, #men in black

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The Boss says, "Your quality metric for next year is to win 30% more bid proposals." Dilbert says, "No problem. I'll use my magic powers to control how much our competitors bid." The Boss says, "I worry that you're not taking this seriously." Dilbert says, "If the muggles find out, I'll wipe their memories."