Named Ted Comic Strips - Page 44

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506 Results for Named Ted

View 431 - 440 results for named ted comic strips. Discover the best "Named Ted" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #boss request, #help coworker, #own work, #projects, #projects suffer, #time management

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The Boss: Dilbert, I need you to help Ted on his project. Dilbert: If Ted's project succeeds, who will get the credit? The Boss: Ted will. It's his project. Dilbert: What if it fails? The Boss: That would be your fault for not helping him enough. Dilbert: If I spend my time helping Ted, my own projects will suffer. The only way this makes sense is if my projects are unimportant and so am I. The Boss: If it makes you feel any better, Ted and his projects are unimportant too.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #agreement, #bad news, #euphoric feeling, #harsh landing, #illusion of progress, #lasts a minute, #momentary sweetness, #reacts, #spoiler, #planning meeting

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Alice: Okay, we have a good plan forward. This meeting is adjourned. Oooh!!!" "AaaaH!!!" Asok: What is that?"AAAH!! Dilbert: She's tasting the sweet nectar of the illusion in progress. It's that euphoric feeling you get between the time you make a plan and the time some moron thwarts it. AAAH!!! It can last anywhere from less than a minute to as much as a minute. Wally: Ted won't meet with us because someone told him that you told someone else he was an obstacle. Alice: GRRRRR!!! Dilbert: The landing is harsh."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #apologize for efficiency, #apology, #how far, #meeting, #reasonable assumptions, #timeline for deployment, #vacation, #without knowledge of insight, #business

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The boss: Let's figure out a timeline for development. Dilbert: Ted is the only one who knows anything about that. And he's on vacation. The boss: Let's see how far we can get without Ted. Alice: You mean without knowledge or insight? The boss: We can make reasonable assumptions. Dilbert: Or we could wait for Ted to come back tomorrow and ask him.. The boss: I called this meeting and it's not a meeting until someone's time gets wasted! Dilbert: I apologize for my efficiency. The boss: Apology accepted.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #agree, #disagree, #idea, #plan, #terrible idea, #worst ever idea, #bordering irresponsible, #disagrees with everyone, #idea is awful, #manipulate me, #terrible tidea, #dance puppet dance

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Dilbert: Do you have a minute to look t my terrible idea? It's the worst idea ever, totally impractical, and bordering on irresponsible. Ted: Why are you saying that about your own idea? Dilbert: Because you're one of those jerks who automatically disagree with everyone. I'm telling you my idea is awful so you will feel compelled to say it is great. Ted: Now that I know how you plan to manipulate me, it won't work. Dilbert: I'm so surprised to hear that you disagree. Now look at my terrible terrible idea.Dance, puppet, dance. Ted: THIS IS A GREAT IDEA!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #firing, #downsizing, #ridicule, #nervous, #rude, #mean

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The boss says, "Ted, I want to thank you for your 14 years of loyal service in this fabric-covered box." The boss says, "On a related note. The company has decided to right-size." The boss says, "And keeping you would be the wrong size." the boss says, "Clear out your debris in an hour so I can use your cubicle to store my old binders." Ted says, "Who will do my job?" the boss says, "no one." ted says, "So...for all practical purposes I am being replaced by a pile of old binders?" The boss says, "If it makes you feel better, the binders are useless. Everything is online now." Ted says, "So...I'm better than old binders?" The boss says, "Maybe this would be a good time to change the subject."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #lying, #rumors, #angry, #screaming, #yelling, #distracting

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Wally says, "It's time to stir the soup." Wally says, "I think Ted is stealing." Wally says, "You know how sometimes you can't find things in your office?" The boss says, "Um?yes." Wally says, "That only happens on days when Ted has been in the building." Wally says, "and I think he was wearing a new sock the other day. Have you ever lost a sock?" The boss says, "He's been in my house?!" Wally says, "Either that or your wife and Ted have some sort of arrangement." The boss says ,"Ted..." Wally says, "It makes my lack of accomplishments seem unimportant."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #talking, #telling, #story, #interrupted, #annoyed, #berating, #angry, #hijacked, #criticism, #ridicule, #ignoring

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Dilbert says, "And then Ted said he'd?" Man says, "Ho ho! I've seen that a million times!" Man says, "At my old job we used to make cricket noises whenever our manager was approaching." Man says, "But that doesn't mean you should cut corners when it comes to quality." Dilbert says, "You're hijacking our conversation!" Man says, "I'm adding value." Dilbert says, "You don't even know what we were talking about." Wally says, "Apparently you have a social disorder that compes you to insert irrelevant stories and trite observations into other people's conversations." Wally says, "I assume part of the disorder involves not being able to recognize it in yourself." Dilbert says, "I wonder if he can hear us." Man says, "Did I tell you about my camping trip?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #collect money, #ted, #birthday, #insult, #pinch face, #lemon, #ferret, #disgusting, #racist jokes, #embezzle, #date, #awkward, #dollar

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Tina says, "I'm collecting money for Ted's birthday." Alice says, "Pass. I can't stand that idiot." Alice says, "His face looks like a ferret eating a lemon." Alice says, "He makes my skin crawl." Alice says, "He tells racist jokes, and I think he's embezzling." Tina says, "I've been dating him for a month." Alice says, "I'd be lying if I said that wasn't worth a dollar."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #presentation, #marketing video, #comments, #finished, #annoyed, #technology, #false, #wrong, #angry, #arms out, #Funny, #glare

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Woman says, "And that's our new marketing video. We hope it will go viral." The Boss says, "You'll have our comments by tomorrow." Woman says, "I'm not asking for comments. The video is already finished." Dilbert says, "The technology claims in the video are criminally inaccurate." Woman says, "I sent the script to engineering for comments three months ago!" Woman says, "I got an email back from someone named Wally who said it was great." Wally says, "I thought she was asking if it was funny."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #assigning balme, #eventual failure, #wrong vendor, #alienate the client, #rendered mott, #by noncompoops

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Dogbert: I'd like to kick off the project by assigning blame for its eventual failure. Dilbert: Shouldn't we do that after the project is over? Dogbert: I see no reason to wait. Dilbert: Well...okay. Our boss will make us use the wrong vendor. Wally won't do any work. Alice will alienate the client, and Ted is generally worthless. Dilbert: In summary, my excellent work will be rendered moot by nincompoops. Asok: Do you even work here? Dogbert: No, I was just in the neighborhood.