Gigantic Product Document Comic Strips - Page 45

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548 Results for Gigantic Product Document

View 441 - 450 results for gigantic product document comic strips. Discover the best "Gigantic Product Document" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #gadgets, #tablet computer, #dime sized computer, #lick it, #attach to eyeballs, #fail, #fast fail, #finish in month

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CEO: I have a vision that our next product will be a tablet computer the size of a dime. Users will lick it and attach it to their eyeballs. Can you finish that in a month? Dilbert: I can fail at any speed you like.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #complaining, #ignorance (knowledge), #product features, #hodge podge, #complexity, #teamwork

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Dilbert: I added all of the product features that each of you demanded. Now our product is a worthless hodgepodge of complexity. I appreciate your input. I couldn't have failed without you. Boss: Teamwork!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #hunter gather roots, #office equipment, #ouge, #power cords, #rummages through trah, #trash into gold, #upgarde

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Coworker: Do you mind if I rummage through the trash in the technology lab? Dilbert: Um, okay. Coworker: I'm getting back to my hunter-gatherer roots. Score! These old power cords sell on Ebay for up to $3 apiece. Ha ha! I'm a genius who turns trash into gold! How's that compare to whatever you're doing here. Dilbert: Well, I'm removing valuable features from our product so we can.. gouge our customers with the... upgrade. Coworker: Wow. Your life is a total waste. Dilbert: Not if I sell the power cord.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #cannibals, #victims, #staving competition, #cannibalizing

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Dilbert: Our new product is cannibalizing our old product. Either we have a brilliant strategy for staving off competition, or our CEO is the victim of a bully. Bully: Ha ha! Why don't you stop cannibalizing yourself?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #how-to, #best selliners, #leadership, #sociopathic tendencies, #personality disorders, #read books, #coffee, #metting, #office

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Dilbert: As you requested, I researched all of the best-selling books on the topic of leadership. Apparently, leadership is the product of sociopathic tendencies plus luck. All other personality traits are inactive ingredients. Wally: Did you actually read all of those books? Dilbert: I only needed to know they were all different.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #annoyance, #cubicle, #in box, #neat cubicle, #document, #on chair, #desk chair

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Alice: Gaaa!!! Every time I leave my cubicle, someone puts a document on my chair! I have an in-ox! Stop leaving stuff in my chair!!! Dilbert: How do you keep your cubicle so neat? Wally: I put everything on Alice's chair.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #cancel service, #deception, #dogcart document, #garbage trucks, #service business, #storage

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Boss: We've been using The Dogbert Offsite Document Storage Service for five years, and frankly, I'm concerned. Your service trucks look suspiciously like garbage trucks. I would cancel your service if I could find the contract. Dogbert: It's in "storage."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #paying bills, #trees, #off site document, #storage costs, #out of control, #core bsuiness, #trees are jerks, #money

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Boss: Our off-site document storage costs are growing out of control. At this rate, our core business can be summarized as "put trees in jail." This is when you say something wise and helpful. CEO: Trees are jerks.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #frustration, #managers & supervisors, #product changes, #change orders, #new features, #online change order system, #old forms, #change order, #managemet, #better plan, #business

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Boss; Don't make any product changes without change orders. When users ask for new features, direct them to the online change order system. Dilbert: That system only has the old forms. Boss: Tell someone to put the new ones on there. Wally: That would require a change order. Dilbert: Maybe we could tell users our sense of hope was killed by something called management. The we could sort of slump over like we're waiting for death's cold embrace. Boss: I'll get back to you if I think of a better plan.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #gods, #language, #elbonian language, #bixtappa, #deity, #mud adder, #strangle

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Boss: We discovered that our product name is an insult in the Elbonian language. So I hired an Elbonian to review our new choices. Elbonian: Gaaa!!! You have offended Bixtappa, the deity of unseasonably warm weather and twice-baked potatoes. Our tradition says I must now strangle you with a mud adder. Luckily, I brought one. Dilbert: Do Elbonians have a lot of deities? Elbonian: No, just the one. Dilbert: He seems easily offended. Elbonian: Grab the head and yank!