New Employee Comic Strips - Page 45
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1000 Results for New Employee
View 441 - 450 results for new employee comic strips. Discover the best "New Employee" comics from Dilbert.com.
Tuesday March 03,
1998
Tags project staus, budget cuts, new prodcut, user interface, target market, too shy, bad sign, no laws, do for living
Transcript
Project Status: Dilbert is giving a presentation. He points to the overhead projection. He says, "Due to budget cuts, our new product will have no user interface." The projection shows a blank computer monitor. Dilbert continues, "Our target market is people who are too shy to return products." The projection is of a person blushing. Dilbert comes home carrying his brief case. He says to Dogbert, "Is it a bad sign if you spend the day wondering why there are no laws against what you do for a living?"
Friday March 13,
1998
Tags hideous treatment, employees, elbnina factory, forced to wear clamps, no union, business
Transcript
Alice hold a folder and says, "Here's my report on the hideous treatment of employees in our Elbonian factory." The Boss sits at his desk. Alice holds her hands up to her head and says, "The employees are forced to wear huge clamps on their heads." The Boss looks at the report. At the lunch table in the employee cafeteria, Alice, Wally and Dilbert sit with trays of food and large clamps on their heads. Alice says, "Then I said, 'The employees can't complain because they have no union." Wally says "Swift," and he and Dilbert frown.
Friday March 20,
1998
Tags letter of refrence, job in division, prone to anger and denail
Transcript
Dilbert says, "I'll need a letter of reference to apply for a job in another division." The Boss sits at his desk and says, "No problem." The Boss writes a letter. It says, "...For a man of his hygiene. He doesn't steal as much as you think. I suspect he's on drugs." The new manager says, "And then he says you're prone to anger and denial. Is that true?" Dilbert is angry and waves his arms in the air and screams, "NO!!"
Saturday March 21,
1998
Tags Catbert, evil hr director, boss prevents new job, great job, outrageous, bad situation worse, human resource promise
Transcript
Catbert: Evil H.R. Director: Dilbert sits in Catbert's office and waves his hands in the air as he says, "My boss is preventing me from transfering to a great job." Catbert says, "That's outrageous! There shouldn't be any great jobs at this company." Dilbert says, "Once again, you've made a bad situation worse." Catbert replies, "That's the human resources promise."
Sunday March 22,
1998
Tags Catbert, evil hr dircetor, vacation policy, more vacation days, restroom breaks, count as vacation, porcelain cruise
Transcript
Catbert enters a meeting. Dilbert and the Boss are already there. Catbert, sitting between Asok the Intern and Dilbert, begins, "There's been a slight change in the vacation policy." Asok asks, "Are we getting more vacation days?" Catbert responds, "You must be new here." Catbert continues, "As you know, all vacation time must be used in the year it is earned." Catbert then says, "I realize this is not always convenient. So I've decided to be flexible." Catbert: "From now on, any time you spend in the restroom will count as vacation." The meeting is over. As Dilbert leaves, he says to Wally, "We should complain." Wally counters with, "If you need me, I'll be taking a porcelain cruise."
Monday March 23,
1998
Tags famous serial killers, database, name, weapon, tattoo, killer application
Transcript
Asok the intern is making a presentation. He points to the display projected from his laptop computer and says, "My new product is a database of famous serial killers." Asok says, "You can search the database by name, weapon, or tattoo." Alice frowns. Alice turns to Wally and says, "Let me guess, Wally: Six months ago our young intern asked you what the term 'killer application' meant." The Boss looks on.
Monday April 06,
1998
Tags mordac, preventer of information services, guidlines for passwords, six characters, include numbers and letters, upper and lower case, change once a month, touture employees, write nothing down
Transcript
Man comes up to Dilbert and introduces himself, "I am Mordac, the preventer of information services. I bring new guidelines for passwords." Dilbert reads the guidelines, "'All passwords must be at least six characters long.. include numbers and letters.. include a mix of upper and lower case..'" Dilbert continues to read, "'Use different passwords for each system change once a month, do not write anything down.'" Mordac yells, "Squeal like a pig!!"
Tuesday April 07,
1998
Tags jordan preventer of information services, confiscate non standard computer, heavier, disable it
Transcript
Mordac introduces himself to Wally, "I am Mordac, the preventer of information services. I come to confiscate your non-standard computer." Wally asks, "You'll give me a new one, right?" Mordac takes the computer and says, "This is heavier than it looks." Mordac starts to hammer the computer and says, "I'll have to disable it and leave it here." Wally asks, "The new one is already on its way, right?"
Thursday April 09,
1998
Tags new computer, dispose of old computer, engineering solution
Transcript
Wally tells Dilbert, "I'm not allowed to get a new computer until I get rid of this old one." Wally continues, "The janitor won't allow it in the trash; Union rules won't let me carry it to storage. So I built this catapult." Wally catapults the computer over the cubicle and says, "Like I always say, every problem has an engineering solution."
Thursday April 16,
1998
Tags scavenging, too late, good stuff, pants, computer, technology
Transcript
Dilbert chuckles, "Heh heh. Ed is barely out of the door and I got his old computer." Wally says, "The scavenging was a good today." Wally and Dilbert carry off their new possessions. Wally says, "Alice is going to be miffed that she's too late for the good stuff." They run into Alice whos holds a pair of pants and her hair has been imprinted flat on the side. Alice says, "it wasn't easy. He's already made it to the bus."


