Might Hurt Comic Strips - Page 45
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The telephone rings. Dilbert picks up the phone and says, "Hello." The voice on the other end says, "This is the governor . . ." The governor says, "Do you remember that snotty letter you wrote about prison overcrowding? We thought YOU might want to look after one of our guys for thiry or forty years." The doorbell rings. A large man in a prison uniform says, "Hi. I'm Bob. My friends would call me 'Strangler' if they were alive." Bob carries a suitcase into the house and asks, "So, where do you keep the blunt objects? Sure is crowded in here." Dilbert clenches his fist and says, "Ooh! I am so tempted to fire off another letter over this!!" Dogbert says, "Yeah! 'Postage due' this time!"
Dogbert sits at a desk working with scissors and Velcro. He says, "There . . . perfect." Dilbert asks, "What's that, Dogbert?" Dogbert answers, "I've created the Velcro shirt pocket! It attaches to your chest hairs while swimming or showering." Dilbert looks at the pocket and says, "Hmm . . . might work." Dogbert says, "You may also be interested in my new Velcro chest hair."
Dogbert sits on a pillow by the fireplace. Dilbert says, "I'll be back late. I have a date with Sharon to grout her bathtub." Dogbert asks, "You call that a date?" Dogbert says, "Last week you cleaned her rain gutters and painted her house . . . The week before, you installed her sprinkler system and rebuilt her car's engine." Dogbert asks, "Don't you think she might be using you?" Dilbert replies, "Well . . . At least I get lunch out of the deal." Dogbert asks, "She actually prepares food for you?" Dilbert carries a bag and a tool box. He replies, "No, bag lunch. I get to eat it during break."
Dogbert holds the telephone and yells, "Dogbert! The post office is complaining that you attacked a mail carrier." Dogbert replies, "Tell them that I love mail carriers and would NEVER try to hurt one." Dilbert says, "Apparently they object to the tranquilizer darts and homing transmitters." Dogbert asks, "But how else can we learn their migration patterns?"
Dilbert shows Dogbert a newspaper advertisement and says, "Imagine my surprise when I saw this ad for Doctor Dilbert's seminar on developing self-confidence. Okay, what's the scam?" Dogbert explains, "I figured this would be a good way to find a bunch of meek people to do my bidding. If they refuse, I'll yell at them and hurt their little feelings." Dogbert continues, "Then I'll leverage that power into vast wealth or maybe world domination." Dilbert says, "No! Bad doggy!"