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Dogbert sits in the chair and Dilbert sits on the hassock. Dilbert asks, "Can't I talk you out of becoming a substitute teacher?" Dogbert replies, "Don't worry." Dogbert continues, "I won't damage the little tykes." The caption says, "Day one." Dogbert stands in front of a blackboard and says, "Good morning, children. I'm Mr. Dogbert." A student asks, "Are you flammable?"
Dilbert asks Dogbert, "You what?!" Dogbert replies, "I got a job as a substitute school teacher." Dilbert says, "You aren't qualified to be a teacher. You're a dog." Dogbert replies, "Little kids won't know the difference." Dilbert says, "You do remind me a bit of my fourth grade teacher." Dogbert asks, "Just a coincidence?"
Dilbert, who is wearing his bathrobe, says into the telephone, "That's right . . . cough-cough! . . . I won't be in to work . . . cough-wheeze-cough . . ." Dilbert continues, "Bad cold? Well, no, actually I have a bad headache . . ." Dilbert continues, "But I don't know how to make a headache sound over the phone."
Dilbert is threatened by an abusive skunk. Skunk: That's right: A big bowl of ice cream could keep me from being afraid and reflexively spraying your living room. Dilbert: This is blackmail! Skunk: My goodness, no. It's just that I can't control my fear response. Now I'm afraid that you won't sing the songs from "cats," while I eat.
Dilbert asks Phil, the Ruler of Heck, "Then . . . I won't be damned?" Phil replies, "Just 'darned.' It was a misdemeanor." Phil continues, "You must set your thermostat for 76 degrees and stay in the living room for fifteen minutes." Dilbert and Dogbert sit on the hassock. Dilbert says, "I'm sorry, Dogbert. I brought this upon us." Dogbert says, "It's something you'll have to live with."
Dilbert stands next to a device and Dogbert sits on a stool. Dilbert says, "My new invention will generate a solid particle bridge to permanently connect the earth to the moon!" Dogbert says, "Well, I'm no scientist, but won't that disrupt the earth's orbit and cause an ice age that will destroy all life on this planet?" Dilbert asks, "You think it needs a little warning label?" Dogbert replies, "Just don't let kids use it."
Dawn the Dinosaur says to Dilbert, "Let's make a deal. You let us continue hiding in your house, and Bob won't hungrily devour you." Dilbert replies, "That's fair." Dilbert continues, "But I'm puzzled . . . I know that Dawn can avoid being seen because she is a Nobodysaurus, but how on earth did Bob go unnoticed all this time?" Bob points to his sneakers and says, "Tennies." Dawn says, "Old dinosaur trick."
The caption says, "How to be boring: 'Great Things I Have Eaten' series." Dilbert sits in his chair and Dogbert sits on Dilbert's legs. Dilbert says, "But by far, the best baked potato I've ever eaten was six years ago . . ." The caption says, "The victim may try sarcasm to relieve the boredom." Dogbert says, "Fascinating, now could you think out loud all of the possible dates this may have occurred?" The caption says, "Sarcasm won't work." Dilbert says, "Well, it could have been on October 6th . . . Or maybe the 16th. Was that a Tuesday?"
Dilbert says to the Grim Reaper, "Look, Mr. Death, now that you know I'm the wrong guy, why don't you just leave me alone." The Grim Reaper replies, "I hate to waste a trip. Suppose your number comes up tomorrow - I gotta come all the way back. Just let me hang around today. You won't even notice me." Dilbert says, "THIS is gonna be a very long day." The Grim Reaper follows him and asks, "So, how do you feel?"