Quality Product Comic Strips - Page 45

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

512 Results for Quality Product

View 441 - 450 results for quality product comic strips. Discover the best "Quality Product" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags annoy, annoyance, corpse, escalade, experience, inexperience, murder, premeditated murder, prototype, scientific, strangle, boss

View Transcript

Transcript

Inexperienced Guy. Coworker: Can you answer some questions about our product prototype? Alice: No, but I would be happy to strangle you with your own lanyard and put your corpse in my boss' Escalade to frame him for the crime. Coworker: That scenario is alarmingly specific. Alice: For this sort of thing, premeditated is the way to go.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags ceos, leadership, obliviousness, public speaking, media, zero sales, staff resigned, fireing, wisdom, Entertainment

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert: Our sales dropped to zero because you told the media we have a better product coming soon. And 95% of the staff resigned because you announced plans to fire 50% of them. Maybe it would be better if you never spoke to anyone again. CEO: How would people get my wisdom.

Winning The Bid

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Winning The Bid - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags bidding, executives, lying, outsourcing, projects, winning bid, good news, secretly subcontract, scream, presentation

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: The good news is that we had the winning bid for the project. The less-good news is that we don't make the product we just sold, nor could we make it for the price we bid. My plan is to put out an RFP to secretly subcontract the work to a bigger liar. CEO: That could work.

Blist Point For 3 D Goggles

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Blist Point For 3 D Goggles - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags customer retention, death, immersive technology, moratlity, technology, virtual reality, immersive 3d head gear, starved, bliss point, medical

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: We found the "bliss point" for immersive 3-D headgear. The product is so good that 87% of our customers starved to death while using it. CEO: We never get the customer retention part right.

Super Pumpedness

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Super Pumpedness - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags ceos, jargon, nausea, super pumpedness, bag, vomit

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: The quality we look for in our employees is "super pumpedness." Alice: Blechhhh!!! I told you to bring a bag.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags executives, ceos, raise, asking for a raise, compensation, money, wages, comparison, wage discrepancy, mansion

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I can only give you a 3% raise. If you want more, take it up with our CEO. Dilbert: I'd like to explain why I deserve more than a 3% raise. As a negotiating strategy, Dogbert will simultaneously read a media report about your lavish $85 million mansion. I invented three new technologies this year. Dogbert: "The toilets are solid gold." Dilbert: I wrote most of the code for our new product. Dogbert: "The helicopter pad is on the roof of the car museum." Dilbert: I worked eighty hours per week. Dogbert: "Every elevator has a full kitchen." Dilbert: I could earn more at Google or Apple... Dogbert: "Entire house rotates for optimal sun exposure." Dilbert: Do you see where I'm going with this? CEO: High-five?

Dilbert's App Evaluates Job Candidates

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dilbert's App Evaluates Job Candidates - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags social interaction, social media, coders, coding, engineers, friends, work ethic, social life, technology

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I invented an app that evaluates job candidates based on their online footprint. Here's a guy with no friend, no hobbies, no family, and hundreds of high-quality code submissions to GitHub. Wait, that's me. Boss: Do you have any apps about other people?

Dilbert And Alice Add Features

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dilbert And Alice Add Features - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags inventions, simplicity, engineers, complication, complicated, coffee, mug, overthinking

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: Our boss asked me to totally ruin my double-handled coffee mug invention by adding features. I am asking each of you to suppress your engineering impulses just this one time and let this perfect product stay perfect. Dilbert: It would be perfect if it had wi-fi and a projection keyboard. Alice: Maybe add some health sensors and GPS.

Agreeing Like Disagreeing

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Agreeing Like Disagreeing - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags criticism, respect, disrespect, Opinion, arguing, argument

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Experts say I should show respect for your opinion before voicing disagreement. So I respect your decision to release our product without user interface testing. Boss: Your respect sounds exactly like disrespect. Dilbert: How is that my fault?

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags meditate, meditation, mindful, mindfulness, mbct, stress, trick, laziness, deception, work ethic, ruse, nap, napping

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: Do you mind if I take Steve Jobs' advice and practice meditation and mindfulness? Science says meditation can reduce stress and make me more productive. And obviously it worked for Steve Jobs, so there's that. To the untrained eye, it will seem as if I am napping. But in reality, I will be quieting my mind to boost creativity. Boss: Meditate on your own time. Wally: Wow. That just stressed me out and shut down my creative juices. Boss: Just do your job! Wally: Because quality doesn't matter?