Ratbert The Consultant Comic Strips - Page 45
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457 Results for Ratbert The Consultant
View 441 - 450 results for ratbert the consultant comic strips. Discover the best "Ratbert The Consultant" comics from Dilbert.com.
Sunday July 08,
2007
Tags management consulatant, consulting firm, worthless, managing, consulting, hired
Transcript
Dogbert: "You should hire me as your management consultant." Man: "We're a management consulting firm. We don't need a management consultant to consult us." Dogbert: "Are you saying that management consulting is worthless?" Man: "No, I'm saying we already know everything about management consulting." Dogbert: "How can you be so sure I can't help you when you don't know what my advice will be?" Man: "Okay, you're hired. What's your advice?" Dogbert: "Beats me. I'll have to ask my management consultant."
Monday October 22,
2007
Tags security consulatant, without id, badge, strip search, confiscate wallet, lock him janitors closet, extreme, living on mop water
Transcript
Dogbert the security consultant Dogbert: "If you see someone without an ID badge..." "...Strip search him, confiscate his wallet, and lock him in the janitor's closet until he starves!" The boss: "That seems a bit extreme." Dogbert: "You're about one minute away from living on mop water."
Sunday August 18,
2002
Tags pet peeve, cellphones, restaurants, public, talk louder, just rude, decides whats rude, commitee, common sense, drive through, using microphone
Transcript
Dilbert, Dogbert, and a woman are walking outside. The woman says, "My pet peeve is when people use their cell phones in restaurants." Dilbert asks, "Why? Do they talk louder than the other people in the restaurant?" The woman responds, "No. It's just rude." Dilbert asks, "Who decides what is rude? Is there a committee?" The woman responds, "It's common sense. You're not supposed to talk into electronic gadgets at a restaurant." Dilbert asks, "What about a drive-through place? Is it okay to order your food using the microphone?" The woman is visibly frustrated. Dogbert answers his cell phone, "Yello." Dogbert says into his cell phone, "Hi, Ratbert... Yeh, he made the mistake of talking... The goodnight kiss is a definite no-go." Dogbert continues into the phone, "No, it's not awkward, but thanks for asking."
Sunday October 20,
2013
Tags dating, internet & world wide web, social media cosultant, one like, less than ten thousand, insulting, elbonian, inflate your like count, socialize, wine glasses, bar wine, kiss, relationships
Transcript
Dilbert: What do you do for a living? Woman: I'm a social media consultant. Dilbert: I like you. Woman: Phhht. You're giving me one like? Anything less than ten thousand likes is an insult. Dilbert: I'll be right back. I hired an Elbonian to artificially inflate your like count. Elbonian: Like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like. Dilbert: I am not paying that guy.
Friday January 10,
2014
Tags chipmunks, in hair, less talking, love, more rubbing, rodents, oxytocin levels, human contact, family of chipmunks, relationships
Transcript
Wally: It boosts my oxytocin levels without the need for human contact. Alice: You didn't invent that. I've had a family of chipmunks living my hair since the eighties. Chipmunk: There goes our privacy. Alice: Less talking, more rubbing!
Friday March 28,
2014
Tags illness, stress, culture of consulting fiorms, flat linig, false larm, graphs
Transcript
Consultant: I haven't slept since October because the culture of consulting firms is anti-health. I'm flat-lining! False alarm. I'm back. Who wants to make some graphs?
Monday June 16,
2014
Tags efficiency experts, wide transformation, compettetive, solutions, pay the most, consultants, recommendations
Transcript
Boss: Our consultant has recommended a company-wide transformation to make us more competitive. Dilbert: Is it a coincidence that consultants always recommend solutions that pay their firms the most? Boss: How would I know? Dogbert: I'll look into that for you.
Tuesday July 01,
2014
Tags efficiency experts, Advice, consultatn, cms, same advice, pay to leave
Transcript
Boss: On the advice of our consultant, we're going to rewrite the CMS from scratch. Alice: How much did you pay the consultant for the same advice your employees gave you for free? Boss: I don't pay consultants for advice. I pay them to leave.
Tuesday August 30,
2016
Dogbert's Recommendations
Tags Advice, consultant, listening, employees, business
Transcript
Dogbert Consults. Dogbert: I recommend doing all of the things your employees have been telling you to do. Boss: I don't see why I should pay you for this. Dogbert: Oh. Then how about doing all the things your competition is doing? Boss: Now, that's a great idea. Dogbert: Good, because that's what your employees have been telling you to do.
Monday February 26,
2018
Dogbert's Personality Profiles
Tags consultant, personality, test, business, psychology
Transcript
Dogbert: I have the results of your Dogbert Personality Profiles. Based on your questionnaire answers, Alice is angry, Wally is lazy, and Dilbert is boring. Dilbert: How are we supposed to use this new information? Dogbert: Wake me up when he's done talking.