Ten Percent Raise Comic Strips - Page 45

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473 Results for Ten Percent Raise

View 441 - 450 results for ten percent raise comic strips. Discover the best "Ten Percent Raise" comics from Dilbert.com.

Unforseen Problems

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Unforseen Problems - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 22, 2018's comic on:

Tags #building apps, #completion date, #problems, #unforseen

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Dilbert: It will take four weeks to build the app, unless there are unforeseen problems. how often do we have unforeseen problems? Dilbert: One hundred percent of the time. Then whats the point of estimating a completion date? Dilbert: I was hoping to make you stop talking but t dint work.

Wally Finds Critical Bug

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Wally Finds Critical Bug - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 07, 2018's comic on:

Tags #big business, #bug, #deception, #insider trading, #stock, #trick

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Wally: I found a critical bug in our software that could make our product worthless in a week. If you give me a huge raise, I won't tell anyone about the problem until you sell all of your company stock. Boss: Deal! Narrator: Two weeks later. Boss: Why haven't I heard about the bug yet? Wally: You didn't ask me if I knew how to fix it.

Compensation Based On Happiness

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Compensation Based On Happiness - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 22, 2018's comic on:

Tags #happiness, #company culture, #raise, #wages, #job satisfaction, #compensation, #psychology, #money

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Boss: From now on, your compensation will be a function of your baseline happiness. We don't want to waste money giving raises to employees who won't get any happier no matter what we do. Dilbert: This plan makes me unhappy. Boss: Nice try, but you were already unhappy.

The Extra 10%

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The Extra 10% - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 26, 2018's comic on:

Tags #work ethic, #excuses, #effort, #motivation

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Boss: Our project can only succeed if each of us gives 110 percent. Voice 1: I'm off next week. Voice 2: I have surgery on Monday. Voice 3: I gave my two-week notice a week ago. Boss: Okay, can I get a 50 percent effort from any of you? Wally: I can only give you the extra 10 percent you believe exists.

Value Of An Employee's Life

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Value Of An Employee's Life - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 04, 2018's comic on:

Tags #big business, #ethics, #morals, #morality, #death, #damage, #value, #medical

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Dilbert: The proposed system would reduce accidental employee deaths by 20 percent. CEO: What is the ratio of the value of an employee's life compared to real people? Dilbert: I find your question disturbing. CEO: Just tell me the answer, halfling!

Dilbert Characters

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 01, 2018's comic on:

Tags #argument, #arguing, #accusation, #social media, #technology

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Man: Why did you say we don't have a budget for our project? Dilbert: I never said that. Man: Then why did you say the project isn't feasible? Dilbert: I never said anything like that. Man: But you did say you thought it would take ten years to finish? Dilbert: I've never said anything like that. Man: Hahaha! You're in total meltdown mode now. Dilbert: I already forgot what we were talking about. Boss: How was your talk with Dilbert? Man: He's backpedaling after I totally owned him.

Smartphone Syndrome

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Smartphone Syndrome - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 07, 2018's comic on:

Tags #cell phone, #smart phone, #compulsion, #addiction, #attention, #distraction, #mental health, #technology

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Doctor: You've got a bad case of smartphone syndrome. One of hundred percent of your mental and physical problems are caused by using your phone too much. I don't feel as if I'm getting through to you. Alice texting: She's still talking. LOL.

What Classes To Be An Engineer

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What Classes To Be An Engineer - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 21, 2018's comic on:

Tags #intelligence, #insult, #Advice, #logic, #engineer, #engineering

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Man: What kinds of classes should I take to become an engineer? Alice: Start by taking whatever kind of class makes you fifty percent smarter. Man: Then what? Alice: Then you won't need to ask me what to do next.

Slavery Or Work

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Slavery Or Work - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 03, 2018's comic on:

Tags #the boss, #Wally, #Dilbert, #alice, #succeed, #nitpick, #slavery, #choice

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The Boss: We can only succeed if every one of you gives one hundred percent. Wally: I don't mean to nitpick, but wouldn't that technically be slavery? The Boss: No, because you have a choice. Wally: Didn't you just say the other choice is failure?

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 14, 2018's comic on:

Tags #carol, #Wally, #computer, #problem, #crumbs, #crosstalk, #protocols, #help

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Carol: Wally, can you help me with a computer problem? Wally: People usually don't ask me for help. Carol: Why is that? Wally: You'll find out. Carol: I can't log in to the server. Wally: I'll need to ask you a few questions. Have you ever eaten food near your computer. Carol: Um... Yes. Wally: That's your problem. Wally: Your crumbs are causing crosstalk on the protocols. Carol: Is this why no one asks you for help? Wally: It's in the top ten.