Ten Percent Raise Comic Strips - Page 45
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473 Results for Ten Percent Raise
View 441 - 450 results for ten percent raise comic strips. Discover the best "Ten Percent Raise" comics from Dilbert.com.
Monday January 22,
2018
Unforseen Problems
Tags #building apps, #completion date, #problems, #unforseen
Transcript
Dilbert: It will take four weeks to build the app, unless there are unforeseen problems. how often do we have unforeseen problems? Dilbert: One hundred percent of the time. Then whats the point of estimating a completion date? Dilbert: I was hoping to make you stop talking but t dint work.
Wednesday February 07,
2018
Wally Finds Critical Bug
Tags #big business, #bug, #deception, #insider trading, #stock, #trick
Transcript
Wally: I found a critical bug in our software that could make our product worthless in a week. If you give me a huge raise, I won't tell anyone about the problem until you sell all of your company stock. Boss: Deal! Narrator: Two weeks later. Boss: Why haven't I heard about the bug yet? Wally: You didn't ask me if I knew how to fix it.
Thursday February 22,
2018
Compensation Based On Happiness
Tags #happiness, #company culture, #raise, #wages, #job satisfaction, #compensation, #psychology, #money
Transcript
Boss: From now on, your compensation will be a function of your baseline happiness. We don't want to waste money giving raises to employees who won't get any happier no matter what we do. Dilbert: This plan makes me unhappy. Boss: Nice try, but you were already unhappy.
Monday March 26,
2018
The Extra 10%
Tags #work ethic, #excuses, #effort, #motivation
Transcript
Boss: Our project can only succeed if each of us gives 110 percent. Voice 1: I'm off next week. Voice 2: I have surgery on Monday. Voice 3: I gave my two-week notice a week ago. Boss: Okay, can I get a 50 percent effort from any of you? Wally: I can only give you the extra 10 percent you believe exists.
Wednesday April 04,
2018
Value Of An Employee's Life
Tags #big business, #ethics, #morals, #morality, #death, #damage, #value, #medical
Transcript
Dilbert: The proposed system would reduce accidental employee deaths by 20 percent. CEO: What is the ratio of the value of an employee's life compared to real people? Dilbert: I find your question disturbing. CEO: Just tell me the answer, halfling!
Sunday July 01,
2018
Tags #argument, #arguing, #accusation, #social media, #technology
Transcript
Man: Why did you say we don't have a budget for our project? Dilbert: I never said that. Man: Then why did you say the project isn't feasible? Dilbert: I never said anything like that. Man: But you did say you thought it would take ten years to finish? Dilbert: I've never said anything like that. Man: Hahaha! You're in total meltdown mode now. Dilbert: I already forgot what we were talking about. Boss: How was your talk with Dilbert? Man: He's backpedaling after I totally owned him.
Thursday June 07,
2018
Smartphone Syndrome
Tags #cell phone, #smart phone, #compulsion, #addiction, #attention, #distraction, #mental health, #technology
Transcript
Doctor: You've got a bad case of smartphone syndrome. One of hundred percent of your mental and physical problems are caused by using your phone too much. I don't feel as if I'm getting through to you. Alice texting: She's still talking. LOL.
Saturday July 21,
2018
What Classes To Be An Engineer
Tags #intelligence, #insult, #Advice, #logic, #engineer, #engineering
Transcript
Man: What kinds of classes should I take to become an engineer? Alice: Start by taking whatever kind of class makes you fifty percent smarter. Man: Then what? Alice: Then you won't need to ask me what to do next.
Wednesday October 03,
2018
Slavery Or Work
Tags #the boss, #Wally, #Dilbert, #alice, #succeed, #nitpick, #slavery, #choice
Transcript
The Boss: We can only succeed if every one of you gives one hundred percent. Wally: I don't mean to nitpick, but wouldn't that technically be slavery? The Boss: No, because you have a choice. Wally: Didn't you just say the other choice is failure?
Sunday October 14,
2018
Tags #carol, #Wally, #computer, #problem, #crumbs, #crosstalk, #protocols, #help
Transcript
Carol: Wally, can you help me with a computer problem? Wally: People usually don't ask me for help. Carol: Why is that? Wally: You'll find out. Carol: I can't log in to the server. Wally: I'll need to ask you a few questions. Have you ever eaten food near your computer. Carol: Um... Yes. Wally: That's your problem. Wally: Your crumbs are causing crosstalk on the protocols. Carol: Is this why no one asks you for help? Wally: It's in the top ten.