Employees Comic Strips - Page 46
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Character
581 Results for Employees
View 451 - 460 results for employees comic strips. Discover the best "Employees" comics from Dilbert.com.
Thursday September 07,
2017
Robot Will Crush Employees
Tags robot, boss, manager, threat, artificial intelligence, control, power
Transcript
Robot: Thanks to advances in artificial intelligence, I am both a robot and your new boss. Work hard while I do nothing or I will crush each of your skulls with my mechanical arms. Dilbert: He's tough, but he's fair. Wally: And no micromanaging. I find it refreshing.
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marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac
Thursday October 19,
2017
Boss Is The Common Variable
Tags managing, managers, failure, common denominator, Advice, performance, motivation
Transcript
Boss: Every one of my employees is underperforming. What should I do? Catbert: You should fire yourself because you're the only common variable. Boss: I hadn't considered that. Catbert: That's how I know I'm right.
Tuesday November 14,
2017
Watch That Monitors Health
Tags health, wearable tech, fitbit, fitness, monitor, surveillance
Transcript
Boss: Our new product is a watch that monitors every aspect of your health. Wearing the watch is mandatory for all employees. Your data will automatically stream to our cloud storage. Voice: Because you care about our health? Boss: Sure. We'll go with that.
Monday November 20,
2017
Wally Likes Sitting
Tags laziness, standing desk, health, sitting, standing
Transcript
Boss: The company has authorized the purchase of standing desks for employees who want them. Wally: Literally the only good thing about this job is that I can do it while sitting down. Boss: How did you get to this meeting? Wally: Your chair doesn't have wheels?
Sunday January 14,
2018
Tags network, optics, stupid company, Women, imagination, flirting, miscommunication, co workers, argument, women in management, employees, business
Transcript
Carol: do you have lunch plans? Dilbert: Aren't you married? Carol: Im not asking you out on a date, Im trying to network. Dilbert: The optics wouldn't be good. Carol: How am I supposed to network in this stupid company? Dilbert: Maybe you could network with other women. Carol: This company has no women in management! Now I see the problem. Its people like you! Dilbert: Is it my imagination or was she flirting with me? Wally: I can't tell.
Friday January 19,
2018
Employee Body Cams
Tags against ceo, misinterpret warmness, record interactions, sexual harrasment, wear body cams, complaints
Transcript
The Boss: we've had seven hundred complaints about sexual harassment in the past month. From now on, employees must wear body cams to r record every interaction. Alice: Weren't all of this e complaints against our CEO? The boss: People misinterpret his warmness.
Tuesday February 13,
2018
Anger Issues
Tags anger issues, listen to crazy people, mental problems, work weekend, crazy people
Transcript
The Boss: Im worried that all of my employees might have mental problems. The Boss: They exhibited anger issues when I told them to work all weekend for no extra pay. CatBert: Did they say you're the cause off their mental problems? The Boss: I dont listen to crazy people.
Wednesday February 14,
2018
Pill For Boss Conversations
Tags mental health, mental illness, crazy, managers, sanity, insane
Transcript
Boss: Catbert thinks I'm causing mental problems in my employees. That's crazy, right? Carol: Hold that thought. My doctor prescribed pills for when I have to talk to you.
Thursday February 15,
2018
Boss Is Sane
Tags mental health, mental illness, managers, sane, insanity, logic
Transcript
Narrator: Dogbert The Mental Health Expert. Boss: Can you confirm that my employees have lost their minds? Dogbert: Yes, because they work for you. Any other questions? Boss: But I'm sane, right? Dogbert: Yes, because you hired me.
Thursday February 22,
2018
Compensation Based On Happiness
Tags happiness, company culture, raise, wages, job satisfaction, compensation, psychology, money
Transcript
Boss: From now on, your compensation will be a function of your baseline happiness. We don't want to waste money giving raises to employees who won't get any happier no matter what we do. Dilbert: This plan makes me unhappy. Boss: Nice try, but you were already unhappy.

