Protect Money Comic Strips - Page 46

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View 451 - 460 results for protect money comic strips. Discover the best "Protect Money" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dating, #frustration, #relations between the sexes, #modern world, #purpose of men, #money, #bad jokes, #faltulence, #useless men, #pondering on importance, #relationships

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Woman: I'm not sure what function men serve in the modern world. My job pays well, so I have all the money I need. If something in my house breaks, I either fix it or pay someone to fix it. If I want a baby, I'll call a fertility doctor. In today's world, men are little more than carriers of bad jokes and flatulence. My gardener mows my lawn. Dilbert: I get it!!! Dogbert: That is disturbing. Dilbert: Not compared to the alternatives.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #inventions, #money, #digital currency, #bertcoin, #kiss my wagger

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Dogbert: I invented a digital currency that I call "bitcoin." Soon I will control all of the money in the entire world. Bushahaha! Dilbert: Maybe you should hide your identity. Dogbert: Maybe you should kiss my wagger.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #internet & world wide web, #money, #bertcoins, #digital currency, #anonymous genous, #mail, #attachment, #pirates

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Ratbert: I'm moning for bertcoins. It's a digital currency created by an anonymous genius. Hey, I'm getting an email from a Somali fellow who wants me to open an attachment. What happened to all of my bertcoins? Bob: Digital Somali pirates!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #baby, #falls, #game, #management fast track, #money, #money bags, #punch wessel, #rescuing plastic baby, #test, #weasel, #greed, #failed test

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Catbert: Your first test on the management fast track involves rescuing a plastic baby and a bag of money from a weasel. You must punch the weasel then catch the money and the baby before they reach the ground. I found our next CEO. Wally: Wait...say this instructions again.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #annoyance, #money, #budget estimate, #project, #one billion dollars, #unreasonable

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Boss: I need a budget estimate for your project. Dilbert: One billion dollars. Boss: That doesn't sound reasonable. Dilbert: I'll shout numbers and you can stop me when one sounds reasonable. Boss: Please stop being you. Dilbert: Eleven!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #fantasy, #money, #shrubs, #budget estimates, #spreadhseet, #ipad, #plant growing, #well fertilized

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Asok: I put your budget estimates into a spreadsheet as you asked. A well-fertilized shrub sprouted out of my iPad. What does this mean? Boss: That's how you know the budget is done.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #big business, #executives, #money, #corporate strcucture, #derivatives, #offshore accounts, #goodwill, #customers, #feel beholden

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CEO: Our corporate structure is so complicated that I have no idea where our money even comes from I think it comes from derivatives or offshore accounts or maybe goodwill. Dilbert: Or maybe customers give us money. CEO: I hope not. I don't like to feel beholden.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #victims, #wages, #lazy, #undependable, #disruptive, #raise, #blamed victime, #money

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Boss: You're lazy, undependable, and disruptive. That's why I can't give you a raise this year. Dilbert: How'd it go? Wally: He blamed the victim.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #avarice, #executives, #products decline, #amrketing, #improving, #huge raises, #money

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Boss: Our products are getting worse every day. But our marketing keeps improving. We're very close to the point where our customers will give us money for no reason. Then we can give ourselves huge raises and do no work at all. CEO: I like everything you said, except the "we" part.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #frustration, #money, #takes money, #makes money

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Boss: IT takes money to make money. Dilbert: Where did the first money come from? Wally: I'm pretty sure it takes money to waste money, too Boss: Please stop talking!