Steal Chair Comic Strips - Page 46

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464 Results for Steal Chair

View 451 - 460 results for steal chair comic strips. Discover the best "Steal Chair" comics from Dilbert.com.

Dilbert Red Pills Asok

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Dilbert Red Pills Asok - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #jargon, #language, #nonsense, #productivity, #illusion, #alternate reality

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Dilbert: Nothing in this dimension is real. Asok: Double-click on that. Dilbert: The jargon matrix is where people imagine they are being useful. But in reality, they are sitting in a chair doing nothing. Asok: I just made a ten-year technology plan.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #greed, #scavenging, #cannibal, #furniture, #energy, #vibes, #health

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Alice: My chair is broken. I need a new one. Boss: You can take Ted's chair. I fired him this morning. Alice: That feels icky. Boss: It's just a chair. Alice: Ted was a creepy underperformer. I don't want his loser energy on me. Boss: That's your only option unless I fire someone else today. Alice: Okay, give me an hour to do some back-stabbing and rumor-mongering. Boss: I'll just let that situation work itself out. Alice: Nice chair. Dilbert: Why did my fight-or-flight instinct just kick in?

Wally Likes Sitting

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Wally Likes Sitting  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #laziness, #standing desk, #health, #sitting, #standing

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Boss: The company has authorized the purchase of standing desks for employees who want them. Wally: Literally the only good thing about this job is that I can do it while sitting down. Boss: How did you get to this meeting? Wally: Your chair doesn't have wheels?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #interview, #hiring, #honesty, #immoral, #ulterior motives

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Dilbert: What would you say are your biggest weaknesses? Man: I like to rifle through my coworkers' desks when they aren't looking. But I don't steal anything unless I know I can frame someone else for the crime. I leave for work an hour late every day and blame traffic. I avoid accomplishing goals so I won't feel like sellout. Sometimes I'll start a trash fire just to get out of a meeting. And I've gotten every one of my bosses fired for things they didn't say or do. Boss: Would he be a good fit? Dilbert: I like what he has to offer.

The Candy Honor System

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The Candy Honor System - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #candy, #irritation, #office workers, #steal, #stealing food, #office, #trust

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Carol: I put a candy bowl on my desk, and someone stole the entire bowl within five minutes. I'm old enough to remember when the honor system meant something. What happened to trust? Boss: Maybe the candy wasn't as good back then.

Doomed Humanity To Annihilation

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Doomed Humanity To Annihilation - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #aliens, #attack, #boss, #communication, #managers & supervisors, #mistake, #office workers, #technology, #laser, #nasa

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Boss: The laser communication prototype you built for NASA accidentally vaporized the alien ship heading our way. If it got off a message to its home planet, your stupidity has doomed humanity to annihilation. Also, you didn't complete your mandatory training in chair safety.

Documents On Chairs

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Documents On Chairs  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #frustrated, #office, #office workers, #paper

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Dilbert: Gaaa!!! I hate it when people leave documents on my chair! I will have my revenge by sticking this at the bottom of my biggest pile. Winning.

Boss Negotiates With Elbonia

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Boss Negotiates With Elbonia - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #big business, #business ethics, #government, #money, #partisan politics, #stealing, #negotiate

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Boss: I'm negotiating a deal with the government of Elbonia. They agreed to buy a thousand dollars of our products. All I had to do was agree to let them steal all of our intellectual property. Dilbert: Wouldn't it be better for us if they didn't steal our I.P.? Boss: You have to look at the big picture. They also agreed to stop killing tens of thousands of our citizens with their illegal drug shipments. Dilbert: Did they stop? Boss: No, but they said they would. Dilbert: Maybe you should negotiate harder. Boss: And risk losing a thousand dollars of revenue?

Elbonian Spy

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Elbonian Spy - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #elbonian, #spy, #engineers, #economy, #intellectual, #property, #collaborate

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boss: i hired an elbonian spy who, i assume, will try to steal our intellectual property. it's hard to find good engineers in this economy, so that is a risk i am willing to take. dilbert, i'd like you to collaborate with him. dilbert: can we call it something else?

Wally Sneezes His Mask

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Wally Sneezes His Mask  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #different, #face, #health, #mask, #office workers, #pundits, #sneeze

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wally sneezes and his mask flies out from his face and slaps him in the face and he falls out of his chair. wally: ah-choo!!!! slap! dilbert watching: the pundits were right- everything is different now.