Employees Comic Strips - Page 47
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581 Results for Employees
View 461 - 470 results for employees comic strips. Discover the best "Employees" comics from Dilbert.com.
Friday June 05,
2015
Employees Are Our Most Valuable Asset
Tags statement, value, motivation, backfire, praise
Transcript
Boss: People are our most valuable asset. Dilbert: I will remind you of that when I ask for a raise. Alice: Me, too. Boss; It blew up in my face.
Sunday July 26,
2015
Tags meeting, first impression, culture, interview, job interview, deception, revenge, nice, niceness, nice people, business
Transcript
Job Interview. Boss; When I make hiring decisions, my biggest priority is cultural fit. Man: Your buzzwords are like music to my unemployed ears. And here come some employees who can tell me about your company culture. Boss: Uh-oh. Man: Hey, guys. Can I ask some questions about the culture here? Dilbert: Working here is like a paradise. Wally: Best place ever. Dilbert: Our days are full of laughter, hugging, and camaraderie. Wally: Coffee is free! Man: Wow. Thanks. I look forward to working here. Boss: ??? Dilbert: I didn't like that guy. Wally: I'm glad we got our revenge in advance.
Thursday July 23,
2015
Manager Of The Year Award
Tags attendance, manager, management, laissez faire, cause and effect, award, accolade
Transcript
Catbert: Employees voted you "Manager of the Year." As usual, this honor is going to the manager with the worst attendance. We're hoping it's more of a correlation than a causation thing.
Friday July 24,
2015
Sense Of Awe
Tags management, executives, leader, leadership, overwork, work ethic, motivation
Transcript
Catbert: A good leader creates a sense of awe in employees. But I think you'll find it a lot faster to create a sense of "ow" instead. CEO: I need you to work all weekend again. Dilbert: Ow!
Wednesday September 16,
2015
Tina Gost Writes About Success
Tags managers & supervisors, humility, insult, humble, ghostwriter, biography, Advice, business
Transcript
Boss: Tina, a business publication asked me to write an article about success. I need you to ghostwrite it. Make me look wise, yet humble at the same time. Tina: "Hire employees that are smarter than you. In my case, that includes all adults, most children, and an alarming number of dolphins.
Friday October 23,
2015
Stress Typo On Website
Tags health, wellness, corporate policy, stress, medical leave, laziness, loophole, typo, mistake, work ethic
Transcript
CEO: How many employees did you say took paid medical leave? Catbert: All of them. A typo on our wellness website listed stress as an illness instead of a cause of illness. CEO: Is it too late to backpedal on the wellness thing? Catbert: I'll just fix the typo. It's all good.
Sunday December 13,
2015
Tags change, fear, power, executives, decision, threat, hypocrisy
Transcript
CEO: You must learn to embrace change. Dilbert: Can we change anything we want to change? CEO: No. You don't get to say what the changes are. I do that. Alice: Will that situation ever change? CEO: No. Alice: Why not? You said change is good. CEO: Change is good. For other people. So embrace it or I'll fire you. Employees: We love change!!!
Tuesday March 08,
2016
Try Not Being Boring
Tags motivation, inspiration, frustration, bored, boring, powerpoint, meeting, obliviousness, eric scott, business
Transcript
CEO: I don't think my motivational messages are getting through to the employees. I can't make them pay attention to anything. Catbert: Have you tried not being boring? CEO: Good idea. I'll make fifty slides of pure excitement.
Wednesday March 09,
2016
Fifty Slide Presentation
Tags managers, tasks, presentation, expectation, unrealistic, obliviousness
Transcript
Boss: Our CEO wants me to make a fifty-slide presentation for him that will motivate employees. Dilbert: Ha ha! Now you know how we feel when you ask us to do ridiculous things. Boss: Anyway, I don't have time, so I need you to do it for me.
Thursday March 17,
2016
Dogbert's Class Learns Nothing
Tags distraction, strategy, guest artist, josh shipley
Transcript
Boss: The employees who took your class on negotiating are complaining that they learned nothing. Dogbert: I heart those same employees scheming to vandalize your network. Boss: Now that's all I can think about! How did you do that? Dogbert: Gotta go.

