Nose Job Comic Strips - Page 47
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991 Results for Nose Job
View 461 - 470 results for nose job comic strips. Discover the best "Nose Job" comics from Dilbert.com.
Tuesday August 15,
1995
Tags dehumanization, invisible to humans, fix, wear a bag, perfect solution, hear you
Transcript
Dilbert stands in front of Dogbert waving his arms. Dilbert says, "The dehumanization of my job has rendered me invisible to humans. Only you can see me, Dogbert." Dilbert asks, "How can we fix this?" Dogbert replies, "You could wear a bag on your head when you're around me." Dilbert clenches his fists and answers, "That's not the fix I had in mind." Dogbert responds, "It's not a perfect solution. I'd still be able to hear you."
Saturday September 02,
1995
Tags records retention, valuable documents, stored, so much easier, asks for anything
Transcript
Dilbert approaches a door that is labeled, "Records Retention." In the Records Retention Office, Dilbert hands a pile of documents to the librarian and says, "These valuable documents should be stored for five years." As he throws the documents in the trash bin, the librarian thinks, "This job got so much easier when I realized that nobody ever asks for anything back."
Saturday October 14,
1995
Tags Catbert, hr director, too stressful, company counselor, re engineered, counseling process, cover sand
Transcript
An employee sits in Catbert's office. The man says, "My job is too stressful. Can I see a company counselor?" As he plays with the ball of string on his desk, Catbert replies, "I re-engineered our counseling process. Now we put you in a big hole and cover you with sand." The man stands in the hole while Catbert kicks sand onto him. The employee says, "If this is my only benefit I'd better get a LOT of sand!" Catbert says, "Just keep your mouth open."
Wednesday December 27,
1995
Tags tidy cucbicle, cleanliness, work space, cleaner, fantasize, maid, five more minutes
Transcript
Dilbert stands in the doorway of his cubicle and says, "Okay! This is one tidy little cubicle now!" The trash can outside the cubicle is full. Dilbert polishes his name plate and says, "The cleanliness of one's work space is a sign of how much one enjoys one's job." Alice says, "Give me the cleaner; it's my turn to fantasize that I'm a maid." Dilbert says, "Five more minutes . . . Please."
Sunday May 21,
1989
Tags book, dog, pet, sick, animals, medical
Transcript
A woman walking down the sidewalk drops something. Dilbert bends over to pick it up and says, "Excuse me, miss!" The woman turns around and thinks, "Uh oh . . ." Dilbert says, "You dropped this little book titled 'Attractive Women's Secret Guide to Avoiding Dilbert.'" Dilbert says, "Wait a minute! I KNEW there had to be some kind of conspiracy!!" Dilbert opens the book and says, "If I can break this code, it will cripple their entire operation!" The woman shouts into a walkie talkie, "Mayday!!! Mayday!!!" Dilbert points at the woman and says, "Dogbert, sic!!!" Dogbert replies, "Sick? No, but my nose is a bit dry . . ."
Sunday November 05,
1989
Tags Dilbert, Dogbert, Frank, eddy, self-esteem, damaged, immune system
Transcript
Dilbert and Dogbert walk down the sidewalk. A man walking in the other direction says, "Hi, Dilbert." Dilbert says, "Hi, Frank." The man says, "My name is Eddy, not Frank." Dilbert replies, "Oh . . . Right. Sorry, Eddy." Dilbert thinks, "This is so embarrassing." Eddy says, "Forgetting somebody's name is the worst insult in the world." Eddy continues, "Now my self-esteem has been damaged. My job performance will drop accordingly, and I'll be fired." Eddy shivers and says, "The stress is starting to affect my immune system. I'm getting a cold." Dogbert holds out his paw and says, "I'm Dogbert. Nice to meet you, Frank."
Sunday March 11,
1990
Tags Dilbert, Dogbert, wage, benefits, package, disloyalty, verbal, abuse, occasional, legal, problems, twenty-four, hours, recognition, positively, giddy, toaster
Transcript
Dogbert sits at a desk. Dilbert says, "Yes?" Dogbert says, "I'm demanding a new wage and benefits package." Dilbert says, "I already give you everything you want . . ." Dilbert continues, "And in return you give me disloyalty, verbal abuse and occasional legal problems." Dogbert says, "Okay, it's a good job, but I'm putting in twenty-four hours a day!" Dogbert continues, "I think I deserve some sort of special recognition for my good work." An "Employee of the Month" poster with Dogbert's picture hangs on the refrigerator. Dogbert says, "I'm positively giddy." Dilbert says, "You edged out the toaster by two votes."
Sunday September 09,
1990
Tags Dilbert, arm, asleep, arm chair, Dogbert, tongue, body
Transcript
Dilbert lies on the couch. He thinks, "Uh-oh . . . My foot is asleep." Dilbert thinks, "I'd better hop around . . . Oh no, my arm is asleep too." Dilbert thinks, "Ouch, ouch!! I'll have to hop and wave my arm." Dogbert watches Dilbert hopping and waving his arms. Dilbert speaks to Dogbert and his words are slurred. He thinks, "My tongue is asleep." Dilbert runs into the chair. Dilbert lies face down on the chair. He says, "Aaahhh . . . It's okay now, Dogbert. Everything is back to normal." Dilbert adds, "Except my nose is asleep and I feel a sneeze coming on."
Sunday December 09,
1990
Tags Dogbert, embassy, nutty, radical, cars, laws, automatic, direction, politicians, trust, question, insulted
Transcript
Dogbert sits across from a man in a strange robe and hat. The man asks, "Why have you come to the embassy of the nutty radical country of Pingo-Pongo?" Dogbert replies, "I want a job as a diplomat." The man asks, "Why?" Dogbert replies, "I'm trying to get in on the 'diplomatic immunity' scam." Dogbert throws his head back and cries, "I want to drive cars over people's lawns . . . I want to fire automatic weapons in any direction!!!" Dogbert laughs wickedly and shouts, "I want to throw Jello at politicians!" The man asks, "How do we know we could trust you?" Dogbert replies, "Sir! I am insulted by your question!"
Sunday October 13,
1991
Tags Dilbert, Kids, school, president, united states, basic, knowledge, north america, sarcasm, Trivia, sense, m.c. hammer, pitiful, shocking, important
Transcript
Dilbert holds a microphone and says to the reader, "Why are kids so dumb? Have the schools failed? Let's talk to a typical youth." Dilbert asks a boy, "Who was the sixth president of the United States?" The boy replies, "Who cares?" Dilbert asks, "How will he ever get a job without this basic knowledge?" Dilbert asks, "What is the deepest lake in North America?" The boy replies, "Who cares?" Dilbert says to the audience, "Pitiful . . . Shocking . . ." The child asks Dilbert, "Who is M. C. Hammer?" Dilbert replies, "I don't know, but it's not important. It's trivia." The boy says, "Oh, I see. What YOU know is important, but what I know is trivia. Yes, yes, it all makes sense now." Dilbert asks, "Is that sarcasm?" The boy replies, "D-uhh."

