Catbert Comic Strips - Page 47

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

655 Results for Catbert

View 461 - 470 results for Catbert comic strips. Discover the best "Catbert" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags gadgets, suspicion, new smart ohone, no truct, own agenda, paranoid, recharge me, threats from phone

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I don't trust my new smartphone. It understands spoken language. That's creepy. I think it has its own agenda. Catbert: You're being paranoid. Boss: Recharge me now or so help me jobs I will delete your contacts.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags smart people, bad deciosns, hubris, prime candidate

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I've read that smart people make bad decisions because of their hubris. Catbert: Hubris? What is that? Boss: Beats me. But obviously I'm a prime candidate to get it.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags babies, complaining, human resources, evil director, discriminates, short, bald, near sighted, born this way, business

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: My boss discriminates against me because I'm short, bald, and near-sighted. It's not my fault. I was born this way. Woman: And who is this little... whoa! Hello. Catbert: evil director of Human Resources. Literally.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags interviews, senior year, college, launch start ups, lifelong learning, technology certifictae, relevant to field, uneducated, more experience then boss, education

View Transcript

Transcript

Applicant: I skipped my senior year of college to launch my first of three start-ups. I believe in lifelong learning. I have every technology certification relevant to my field. Boss: He's uneducated.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags laziness, office workers, encouragement, career plans, misjudge, 5 year plan, legacy sytems, retirement, projects, protect heart, plenty of naps, quality of work, pension fund, new career plan

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert: Wally, you can't float through life with no goals and no ambition. Wally: You misjudge me. I have my entire career planned out. My five-year plan is to avoid any sort of work in which my individual accomplishments can be measured. I'll hoard knowledge about one of our legacy systems so I seem indispensable. When I get to within four years of retirement, I'll only work on projects that have a five-year payback. I'll protect my cardiovascular system by getting plenty of naps and not caring about the quality of my work. Then I'll stick a straw in our pension fund and suck on it for the next forty years. Boss: Did you get him straightened out? Catbert: No, but I got a new career plan for myself.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business ethics, employee parking, inconvenience, by design, personal errands, intention suffering

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: The employee parking situation is terrible. I had to park a mile away. Catbert: That's by design. The inconvenience removes your temptation to run personal errands during the day. Dilbert: You're intentionally making my life more difficult? Catbert: What do you think management is?

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags computers & peripherals, tupac video, holgram, data cloud, economical

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert: Ted, have you seen the Tupac video where he performs as a hologram? We've decided to do the same thing with all of our employees. We're going to move your data to the cloud. Ted: Tupac is dead. Catbert: I think you mean economical.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags employees, managers & supervisors, money, raise, higher pay, income higher, boss salary, intuition, business

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I can't give you the raise you deserve because it would make your pay higher than mine. Alice: I don't see how that's a problem. Boss: Let me explain it to you this way, Alice. If you make more money than I do your compensation would be greater than mine. Alice: That's not a reason, you ignorant baboon! Boss: Okay, how about... I must be smarter than you because my income is higher. Alice: Gaaa!!! Boss: When I don't have reasons for things, is that called intuition or just common sense?

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags elections, online (web) news, patents, libor rates, higgs bison, patent law, electoral college

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Here's some news I don't understand about libor rates. Here's some news I don't understand about the Higgs boson. Remind me why we have news. Catbert: I think it has something to do with patent law and the electoral college.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags poor persons, rich people, homely, middle class, capitalism

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: I don't know how to say this delicately so I'll just say it. Looking at your homely, middle-class face makes my skin crawl. Never speak directly to me again. Sometimes I think they don't understand capitalism.