First Salesperson Comic Strips - Page 47
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Character
546 Results for First Salesperson
View 461 - 470 results for first salesperson comic strips. Discover the best "First Salesperson" comics from Dilbert.com.
Sunday December 27,
2015
Tags #sales personnel, #salesman, #sales, #honesty, #deception, #stragegy, #sociopath, #lying, #lie, #business
Transcript
Man: I need you to join me on a sales call to tell my customer how easy it will be to switch to our software. Dilbert: It isn't easy. Man: This is a sales call. All you need to do is say everything will be easy. Dilbert: What happens when they find out it isn't easy? Man: They won't find out until after they pay us. Dilbert: What will you do when they complain? Man: I'll tell your boss you misled them. Dilbert: Not if I warn him first! Man: Too late. I already told him you're a liar.
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marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac
Thursday December 31,
2015
Why All The Women Leave
Tags #Women, #technology, #quitting, #repulsion, #standards, #gender, #hiring, #sabotage
Transcript
Boss: Why do all of the women I hire quit within the first week? Wally: I'm guessing they have high standards, or something along those lines. Boss: They seem to quit soon after they meet you. Wally: Hypothesis confirmed.
Thursday February 25,
2016
Asok The Uber Driver
Tags #driver, #taxi, #ride share, #rideshare, #money, #compensation, #wages
Transcript
Asok: Today is my first day as an Uber driver. I love the flexibility! I only have to work 75 hours a week and can pay my rent. Man: With plenty left over? Asok: Are you going to finish that sandwich?
Saturday February 27,
2016
Asok Remembers Being An Uber Driver
Sunday February 28,
2016
Tags #dating, #fitbit, #hackers, #hacking, #information, #privacy, #spying, #surveillance, #technology, #relationships
Transcript
Hackers Convention. Dilbert: Hi, I'm Dilbert. Woman: I know. I just hacked your phone, your credit card, and your fitness band. No need for conversation. I know everything about you, including your current physiological state. Dilbert: I feel violated. Woman: No, you don't. Your vital signs are elevated. That means you're falling in love with me. Dilbert: Ha! I just hacked your fitness band and I see you have... no interest in me whatsoever. It was too late to reject her first.
Monday April 11,
2016
The Science Of Astrology
Tags #Astrology, #metaphysics, #science, #planning, #sign, #zodiac, #pseudoscience
Transcript
Carol: I'll need to know your astrological sign before I put you on his schedule. In the old days, I just gave people the first available slot. It was chaos. Dilbert: So now you use the science of astrology? Carol: It's better than science. It's an art.
Sunday April 17,
2016
Tags #management, #honesty, #competition, #criticism
Transcript
Boss: Why are our competitors beating us on the benchmark speed tests? Do they have better engineers? Dilbert: No, they have better management. Their management probably got them the budget they needed to do the job right. I"m guessing they were helpful, instead of being useless, blamecasting time-wasters. I hear you can do a lot when you have good management. I'll probably try to get a job with a competitor. They sound great. It is also possible they lied about their benchmark results. Boss: You should have said that first!
Tuesday April 19,
2016
For The Good Of The Country
Tags #apple, #iphone, #technology, #national security, #privacy, #terrorism, #encryption
Transcript
Boss: The government wants us to make software to crack our own encryption. Dilbert: That sounds evil. Boss: It's for the good of the country. Dilbert: Can I test it on your phone? Boss: You'd have to kill me first. Dilbert: That would be two good things for the country.
Tuesday April 26,
2016
Your Idea Has Been Tried
Tags #failure, #trying, #trial and error, #criticism
Transcript
Boss: Ideas like yours have been tried in the past and always failed! Dilbert: Have you ever been on an airplane? Those didn't work on the first few tries either. And then we have the entire history of science. Boss: Stop. You're embarrassing yourself.
Thursday April 28,
2016
Longest Date Ever
Tags #dating, #relationships, #Women, #Men, #attraction, #record, #conversation
Transcript
Dilbert: My date lasted 53 minutes. Dogbert: That's your longest yet. Was she trapped in any way, such as under rubble? Dilbert: Nope! Dogbert: Wow. How'd you do it? Dilbert: I didn't talk for the first 49 minutes.