Average Employees Slaary Comic Strips - Page 47

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View 461 - 470 results for average employees slaary comic strips. Discover the best "Average Employees Slaary" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #employees, #laziness, #insuffcemt light, #interpret, #accomplishments, #project team, #buzzwords, #duplicates, #harvesting organs, #business

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Boss: Wally, this is my brother, Phil, The Prince of Insufficient Light. I asked him to interpret your accomplishments for this quarter. Phil You have 25 alleged accomplishments. Eight of these accomplishments involved simply being on a project team that did something. Nine accomplishments involved fixing problems you created. Five of these are just buzzwords that don't mean anything. And three are duplicates that you reworded to appear different. I'd recommend harvesting his organs, but those probably don't work either. Wally: That's just mean.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #employees, #medical equipment & supplies, #biosensor, #health, #shallow breathing, #monitor health, #business

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Boss: Wear this biosensor so management can monitor your health during the day. Dilbert; Wow. I didn't know you cared so much about my health. Boss: Oh, I do. Catbert: Employee 479 doesn't have shallow breathing. You can give that one some more work.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #anger, #employees, #Family, #morons, #misfits, #drunks, #creep, #boss, #business

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Boss: Carol, I consider you family. Carol: Great. You're lumping me in with a bunch of misfits, morons, and drunks. Get out of my sight, creep. Boss: Just like home.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #conversation, #embarrassment, #ignored, #avoidance, #avoid conversation, #co worker, #six months

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Dilbert: Uh-oh. It's that guy. Coworker: You never returned any of my messages. Dilbert: I was busy. Coworker: For six months? Dilbert: Well, no... only for a week. But it would have been awkward to respond after ignoring you for so long. Coworker: So your plan was to avoid me forever even though we work on the same floor? Dilbert: No. I've seen the quality of your work and I figured there was a 60% chance that you would die in a workplace accident that the average idiot could easily avoid. For the record, I'm the one who was trying to avoid this conversation.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #employees, #ignorance (knowledge), #new guy, #first day, #calling in sick, #message, #problem getting dressed, #head in arm hole, #boss can relate, #business

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Carol: It's the new guys first day and he's calling in sick. His message says he was putting on his shirt and got his head caught in an arm hole. Good hire. Boss: I had that same problem with my pants.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #ignorance (knowledge), #managers & supervisors, #innovate, #google, #apple, #3m, #smart people, #fire yourselves, #business, #technology

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Dogbert: Today I'll teach you how to innovate the way Apple, Google, and 3M do it. Replace all of your dimwitted employees with smart people... then fire yourselves. The rest is just blah, blah, blah. Boss: Should we be taking notes?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #employees, #progress, #policy, #promote from within, #better plans, #business

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Boss: Our policy is to promote from within. Dilbert: How will you backfill the jobs of the people you promoted? Boss: From within. Dilbert: That's one of your better plans.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #choosing, #stress, #vacations, #unlimited vacation days, #torpedo career, #source of stress, #set up, #manipulate

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Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources Catbert: We're jumping on the fad of giving employees unlimited vacation days. The only gating factor will be the knowledge that taking any time off whatsoever will torpedo your career. Alice: So... now our vacations will be a source of stress? Catbert: Only as much as you want. It's totally up to you.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #competition (psychology), #employees, #business

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Tina: You need to work less. Wally: Your productivity is making us look bad. Tina: If you keep being productive, we will hunt you down. Wally: If it's easy. Alice: About the peer review concept... I don't think you thought it through.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #suspicion, #startegic engineer group, #worst in one group, #insightful, #business

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Boss: Ted, I'm moving you to a newly formed strategic engineering group. Ted; Are you putting all of your worst employees in one group so you can later eliminate the function and avoid firing each person individually? Boss: You picked a bad time to to become insightful.