Reduce Call Comic Strips - Page 47

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527 Results for Reduce Call

View 461 - 470 results for reduce call comic strips. Discover the best "Reduce Call" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 28, 2014's comic on:


Tags #obliviousness, #terrorists, #weapons, #fleet small drones, #customers, #infidels, #design guy, #mullah john smith

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Boss: We won the bid to build a fleet of small drones for retail package delivery. I'm not sure why they call their customers infidels, but I doubt that's important. You'll be working with their design guy, who's name is Mullah John Smith.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 09, 2014's comic on:


Tags #deception, #work ethic, #huge losses, #stock up, #big raise, #similar system, #lowering expectations, #employee of the year, #job perfromance

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Wally: We announced huge losses, but analysts thought it would be even worse, so our stock went up. I'm using a similar system to get a big raise. For years I've been lowering everyone's expectations of my performance. Next I'll... I made a phone call today. Boss: Employee of the year!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 29, 2014's comic on:


Tags #computers & peripherals, #cruelty, #tech supprt, #highly trained engineer, #electrical engineer, #most proabable, #reinstalled software, #rebooted, #default, #request

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Dogbert: This is tech support. How may I help you? Dilbert: Before we start, I need to tell you that I'm a highly trained electrical engineer. I have already eliminated all of the most probable causes of my issue. I have reinstalled the software and I have rebooted several times. So please, if you have any respect for humanity, do not start this call by insisting that I reboot again. Can you do that? Can you not ask me to reboot as your first suggestion? Dogbert: Try rebooting. Dilbert: Gaaa!!! Dogbert: I kinds love my job.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 01, 2014's comic on:


Tags #executives, #obliviousness, #act like start up, #ask for funding, #hacker

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CEO: We need to act more like a start-up. Dilbert: You mean we can ask for funding for one thing and then pivot six times and build something entirely different? CEO: Is there a version where we don't do any of that and I can still call myself a hacker?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 14, 2014's comic on:


Tags #bad psoture, #body language, #comaplints, #communication style, #contact the dead, #criticism, #fear, #fengshui, #gut feeling, #job review, #psychic, #rationality, #threatening, #whiny babies

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Boss: Alice, people are uncomfortable with your communication style. Alice: Did someone complain? Boss: No, I'm picking it up in their body language. Alice: So.. people have bad posture and that means I don't say things right? Boss: Call it a gut feeling. Alice: Ohhhh. That sounds rational. Let's toss some feng shui into the equation and maybe get a psychic to contact the dead to see what they say bout me. Or maybe everyone could stop being whiny babies! Oh, wait. I see it now.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 01, 2014's comic on:


Tags #cruelty, #work ethic, #human resources, #feeling of inadequency, #boost company profits, #all weekedn, #adequate temporary basis, #business

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Catbert: My job in Human Resources is to instill in you a permanent feeling of inadequacy. Your only hope for feeling good about yourself is to work feverishly to boos company profits. If you work all weekend for free, I am willing to call you adequate on a temporary basis. Dilbert: I'll take it.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 13, 2014's comic on:


Tags #accessories, #busniess casual, #clothing, #dorks, #fashion, #new dress code, #powerless, #boring, #sexually irrelevant, #badeg, #asexual trespasser

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Dilbert: This is our new company dress code. We call it "Business Dorky." Dogbert: I like it because it makes you look powerless, boring, and sexually irrelevant. Dilbert: They make me wear this badge so I don't look like an asexual trespasser. Dogbert: Accessories make the outfit.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 23, 2014's comic on:


Tags #blackmail, #morality, #morals, #angel investor, #pantless, #drunk, #photos, #phone camera, #million dollar seed investment, #tie score

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Alice: I met with that angel investor at his house and he answered the door pantsless and drunk. So I snapped a few photos with my phone and secured a million-dollar seed investment. Was that wrong? Dilbert: Let's call it a tie.

Dilbert Invents Tube Clothes

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Dilbert Invents Tube Clothes - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 29, 2014's comic on:


Tags #clothing, #decision, #decision-making, #inventions, #success, #thinking, #tube clothes, #eliminate decisions, #mark zuckerberg, #gray t-short, #success secrets

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Dilbert: I call my invention "tube clothes." The idea is to eliminate as many daily decisions as possible, the way Mark Zuckerberg does with his gray t-shirt. I like to understand what makes people successful. Dogbert: And you narrowed it down to his shirt?

Dating Is A B Testing

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Dating Is A B Testing - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 05, 2015's comic on:


Tags #analysis, #comparison, #dating, #first date, #judging, #a-b testing, #click with, #analytics, #measuring, #too many questions, #relationships, #science

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Woman: Have you been dating a lot? Dilbert: I call it A-B testing. I go on dates and then compare the analytics to see who I click with most.Woman: What exactly are you measuring? Dilbert: Asks too many questions.