Told Everyone Comic Strips - Page 48

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

510 Results for Told Everyone

View 471 - 480 results for told everyone comic strips. Discover the best "Told Everyone" comics from Dilbert.com.

Cross Training

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Cross Training - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags co-workers, business, cross train, fire, job, dumb, manager

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert: our pointy-haired boss told me to ask you to cross-train me on your job junctions. ted: that sounds exactly like he plans to fire me as soon as you can do my job. dilbert: in my defense, he assured me you would be too dumb to realize that.

Top Dilbert Searches

marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac

Clear Email From Boss

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Clear Email From Boss - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags managers & supervisors, servers, request, email, reply, project, update, fight, business

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: why didn't you upgrade the servers like i asked? dilbert: you never asked me to do that. boss: yes, i did. i told you in an email. dilbert: no, you did not. boss: i know i saw it because you replied. dilbert: i replied to a different email. boss: okay, let me find the email and show you how wrong you are. see. it clearly says, "give me a project update by thursday." dilbert: which is...an entirely different topic. boss: why are you fighting me on this?

Finding Qualified Engineers

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Finding Qualified Engineers - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, interview, questions, job market, engineers, baker, mortuary, assistant

View Transcript

Transcript

interview boss: it's hard to find qualified engineers in this job market, so i'm casting a wider net. it says here you have experience as a mortuary assistant and baker. that's not exactly like being an engineer, but i want to stay open-minded. tell me about a time you had to deal with failure and what you did about it. interviewee: well, one time i totally botched an embalming. so i used a chainsaw to reduce the corpse to flushable parts. i told the family he came back to life and ran away. boss: okay. and why did you become a baker? interviewee: so i cold eat my mistakes.

Ted Can't Make It

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Ted Can't Make It - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, co-workers, meeting, project, absence, technology

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert: ted says he can't make it to the meeting. wally: the only reason for this meeting is so ted can tell us what he's doing on his project. dilbert: we should reschedule. boss: not so fast. i think we can salvage this. if we guess what ted might have told us, that gets us halfway there. dilbert: i don't think it does. boss: we can't know until we try. dilbert: why don't the rest of us leave, and you can stay here and guess what we would have said, too. boss thinking alone at table: ...and then dilbert would have said...

Marketing Complains

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Marketing Complains - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, managers & supervisors, marketing, complain, moronic, fired

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: marketing is complaining that you're not using their ideas. dilbert: that's because all of their ideas are moronic. boss: i told them i fired you. don't leave your cubicle or use any digital devices until this blows over.

Bias For Action

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Bias For Action - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags managers & supervisors, sarcasm, co-workers, business, meeting, prototype, bias

View Transcript

Transcript

Co-workers around meeting table. Ted: our pointy-haired boss told us to scrap our prototype and start over from scratch. dilbert: o was in that meeting and he said nothing like that. maybe we should verify what he wants. ted: or... we could have a bias for action!

What Is The Bra

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
What Is The Bra - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags office workers, business, risk, assessment, mock, teamwork, acronym

View Transcript

Transcript

office worker: what's the b.r.a. on that? dilbert: jus? office worker: you look dumb in front of everyone for not knowing b.r.a. stands for business risk assessment. we'll probably mock you behind your back. dilbert talking to the boss: i don't think your teamwork exercises are working.

Work Harder Than Others

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Work Harder Than Others - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags motivation, business, employees, managers, work, success

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: the only way to succeed in this company is by working harder than everyone else. alice: wouldn't that mean only one person in the company can be successful? boss: i might need to rethink my motivational messages. dilbert: maybe save those for your dumber employees.

Impostor Syndrome

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Impostor Syndrome - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags managers & supervisors, sarcasm, business, imposter, syndrome, manager, acting, pretend

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: i have a bad case of imposter syndrome. i feel as if i'm only pretending to be a good manager, and someday everyone will find out it's an act. dilbert: if it makes you feel any better, we figured that out a while ago.

Hiring Morons

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Hiring Morons - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags managers & supervisors, technology, business, technical, job, market, hire, moron, critical

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: the job market is so hot right now that we can only afford to hire morons. dilbert: how will we fill our critical technical jobs? boss: i just told you.