Told Everyone Comic Strips - Page 48

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505 Results for Told Everyone

View 471 - 480 results for told everyone comic strips. Discover the best "Told Everyone" comics from Dilbert.com.

Marketing Complains

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Marketing Complains - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #marketing, #complain, #moronic, #fired

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boss: marketing is complaining that you're not using their ideas. dilbert: that's because all of their ideas are moronic. boss: i told them i fired you. don't leave your cubicle or use any digital devices until this blows over.

Bias For Action

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Bias For Action - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #sarcasm, #co-workers, #business, #meeting, #prototype, #bias

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Co-workers around meeting table. Ted: our pointy-haired boss told us to scrap our prototype and start over from scratch. dilbert: o was in that meeting and he said nothing like that. maybe we should verify what he wants. ted: or... we could have a bias for action!

Finding Qualified Engineers

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Finding Qualified Engineers - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #interview, #questions, #job market, #engineers, #baker, #mortuary, #assistant

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interview boss: it's hard to find qualified engineers in this job market, so i'm casting a wider net. it says here you have experience as a mortuary assistant and baker. that's not exactly like being an engineer, but i want to stay open-minded. tell me about a time you had to deal with failure and what you did about it. interviewee: well, one time i totally botched an embalming. so i used a chainsaw to reduce the corpse to flushable parts. i told the family he came back to life and ran away. boss: okay. and why did you become a baker? interviewee: so i cold eat my mistakes.

What Is The Bra

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 What Is The Bra - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #office workers, #business, #risk, #assessment, #mock, #teamwork, #acronym

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office worker: what's the b.r.a. on that? dilbert: jus? office worker: you look dumb in front of everyone for not knowing b.r.a. stands for business risk assessment. we'll probably mock you behind your back. dilbert talking to the boss: i don't think your teamwork exercises are working.

Work Harder Than Others

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Work Harder Than Others - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #motivation, #business, #employees, #managers, #work, #success

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boss: the only way to succeed in this company is by working harder than everyone else. alice: wouldn't that mean only one person in the company can be successful? boss: i might need to rethink my motivational messages. dilbert: maybe save those for your dumber employees.

Ted Can't Make It

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Ted Can't Make It - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #co-workers, #meeting, #project, #absence, #technology

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dilbert: ted says he can't make it to the meeting. wally: the only reason for this meeting is so ted can tell us what he's doing on his project. dilbert: we should reschedule. boss: not so fast. i think we can salvage this. if we guess what ted might have told us, that gets us halfway there. dilbert: i don't think it does. boss: we can't know until we try. dilbert: why don't the rest of us leave, and you can stay here and guess what we would have said, too. boss thinking alone at table: ...and then dilbert would have said...

Impostor Syndrome

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Impostor Syndrome  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #sarcasm, #business, #imposter, #syndrome, #manager, #acting, #pretend

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boss: i have a bad case of imposter syndrome. i feel as if i'm only pretending to be a good manager, and someday everyone will find out it's an act. dilbert: if it makes you feel any better, we figured that out a while ago.

Hiring Morons

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Hiring Morons - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #technology, #business, #technical, #job, #market, #hire, #moron, #critical

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boss: the job market is so hot right now that we can only afford to hire morons. dilbert: how will we fill our critical technical jobs? boss: i just told you.

Dilbert Hates Safety

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Dilbert Hates Safety - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #safety, #anger, #yelling, #statistics, #flaw, #authority, #health

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dilbert: your method of calculating the safety statistics is flawed. monkey man: wow. wait until i tell everyone you don't think safety matters. dilbert: i...didn't say that. i'm talking about the way you measured it. monkey man yelling: it's too late to walk it back now! dilbert: i'm not "walking it back." i'm clarifying. monkey man: there's nothing to clarify, you hate safety. dilbert yelling and waving arms: stop putting words in my mouth!! i'm a better authority on what i think than you are!!! boss in hallway: what was all that yelling about? monkey man: dilbert thinks safety doesn't matter.

Sciencesplainer Explains Science New

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Sciencesplainer Explains Science   New - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #sciencesplainer, #data, #report, #anecdotal, #controlled, #study, #accurate, #face mask

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the sciencesplainer dilbert wearing face mask: we don't have any data yet, but we are hearing good reports. sciencesplainer: those reports are anecdotal. you need a controlled study to be certain. dilbert distressed: literally everyone already knows that. sciencesplainer: sure. but did you know accurate data are better than bad data?