Great Products Comic Strips - Page 48
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497 Results for Great Products
View 471 - 480 results for great products comic strips. Discover the best "Great Products" comics from Dilbert.com.
Monday September 02,
2019
.
Tags #boss, #criticism, #managers & supervisors, #office workers, #sabotage
Transcript
Boss: My new employee is doing such great work that he makes the rest of you look like chimpanzees. I think you know what you need to do. Wally: Sabotage all of his projects. Boss: Try to do it before he takes my job.
Sunday October 27,
2019
Boss Negotiates With Elbonia
Tags #big business, #business ethics, #government, #money, #partisan politics, #stealing, #negotiate
Transcript
Boss: I'm negotiating a deal with the government of Elbonia. They agreed to buy a thousand dollars of our products. All I had to do was agree to let them steal all of our intellectual property. Dilbert: Wouldn't it be better for us if they didn't steal our I.P.? Boss: You have to look at the big picture. They also agreed to stop killing tens of thousands of our citizens with their illegal drug shipments. Dilbert: Did they stop? Boss: No, but they said they would. Dilbert: Maybe you should negotiate harder. Boss: And risk losing a thousand dollars of revenue?
Friday October 18,
2019
Wally Has Skills
Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #performance, #review, #robot, #design, #skills
Transcript
boss: wally, your performance is substandard. wally: give me a great performance review, or else i'll design a robot that will take your job. boss: you could do that? wally: i have the skills. i just don't like to use them.
Sunday November 17,
2019
Dilbert Gets A Mentor
Tags #managers & supervisors, #Advice, #mentor, #productivity, #operations, #vice president, #pressure, #trick
Transcript
boss: i heard you asked our v.p. of operations to be your mentor. why didn't you tell me you needed some mentoring? i'm full of useful advice. dilbert: such as? boss: well... not you're putting me on the spot. it's hard to think of advice while you're pressuring me. maybe you could give me a scenario, and then i'll tell you what to do. dilbert: okay, suppose my boss is ruining my productivity by yammering about his great advice. what can i do? boss: that feels like a trick question. dilbert: our v.p. of operations could answer it.
Friday December 13,
2019
Blaming Climate Change
Tags #business, #technology, #support, #calls, #product, #flaw, #climate, #change, #Environment
Transcript
dilbert: how are the tech support calls going? dogbert: great. i'm blaming all of our product flaws on climate change, and people are totally buying it. dilbert: that doesn't make sense. dogbert: you'd be surprised how little that matters.
Thursday January 02,
2020
Inefficiency
Tags #managers & supervisors, #inefficient, #process, #obsolete, #market, #technology, #multidisciplinary, #systems, #fight, #fire
Transcript
alice: our internal processes are so inefficient that we can't get products to market before they are obsolete. boss: i'll create a multidisciplinary task force to look into it. alice: you want to use an inefficient system to fix an inefficient system? boss: it's called fighting fire with fire.
Sunday February 09,
2020
Making World Better Place
Tags #managers & supervisors, #business, #money, #meeting, #employees, #taxes, #cancer, #sarcasm
Transcript
boss: i don't want employees who are only working for the money. i want employees who are working to make the world a better place. dilbert: how does working here make the world a better place? half of our products cause cancer, and the other half don't work at all. wally: we don't even pay taxes. one could argue that every day we spend working here makes the planet a little bit worse. boss: is that why i never see you doing any work? wally: when did it become a crime to care about people? sheesh!
Thursday January 30,
2020
Low Self Esteem
Tags #office workers, #sarcasm, #business, #self esteem
Transcript
tina: i have low self-esteem, but the other day i was thinking... what if i'm actually great and i just don't know it? dilbert looking at phone: you're not.
Monday February 10,
2020
Tags #business, #conversation, #excellent, #hardware, #network, #price, #record, #reliability, #warranty
Transcript
dilbert: the new hardware you bought isn't compatible with our network. boss: i know, but the price was excellent, and they have a great reliability record. dilbert: i don't even know what conversation i'm in right now. boss: the extended warranty is second to none.
Tuesday March 31,
2020
The Secret To Managing
Tags #managers & supervisors, #business, #manager, #hire, #people, #smart, #steal, #success, #rumor, #job
Transcript
boss to catbert: the secret to being a great manager is hiring people who are smarter than you are. then you have to take credit for their successes so they don't take your job. i also find it helpful to start rumors that they steal.