Pet Employee Comic Strips - Page 48

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

538 Results for Pet Employee

View 471 - 480 results for pet employee comic strips. Discover the best "Pet Employee" comics from Dilbert.com.

Wally Gets Nano Robot Injection

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Wally Gets Nano Robot Injection - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #nanorobot, #nanobot, #health, #motivation, #work ethic

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert: For our employee wellness program we will inject nanorobots into your bloodstream to keep you free of disease. The nanorobots will also rewire your brain to make you a more effective worker. You might even feel motivated. Wally: Those robots are going to be disappointed.

Top Dilbert Searches

marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac

Nanorobots In Wally Slow Down

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Nanorobots In Wally Slow Down - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #laziness, #work ethic, #technology, #robot, #nanobot, #motivation

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert: The nanobots we injected into your bloodstream to make you a better employee are slowing down. Your blood is demotivating the nanorobots and making them useless. You're killing them! Gaaa!!! It's a massacre in there! Wally: They had it coming.

Wally's Stress Problem

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Wally's Stress Problem - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #stress, #health, #work, #employee, #work ethic, #laziness, #excuse

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: I need to take an extended medical leave to deal with my job-related stress. The stress is degrading my cardiovascular system. I could drop dead any minute. Boss: Which part of your job is causing stress? Wally: I think it's the work part.

Stress As A Wellness Issue

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Stress As A Wellness Issue - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #loophole, #medicine, #health, #stress, #work, #medical leave, #work ethic, #laziness

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: We have a problem. Our employee wellness site lists stress as a medical problem. And working here causes stress. Catbert: How many of them took paid medical leave? Boss: It's just you now. I'm packed.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #management, #strategy, #productivity, #humane, #inhumane, #treatment, #surveillance, #watching, #privacy, #work, #office workers

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: We are going to start monitoring employee productivity in real time. Any questions? Dilbert: I need one clarification. Are you saying you removed the last shred of human dignity from our jobs and reduced us to nothing but a meat machine that suffers in a state of perpetual inadequacy as each person is compared to an arbitrary and ever-growing goal until there is no realistic way for the employee to find happiness through natural means? Boss: That's one way to look at it.

How It Feels To Be Useless

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
How It Feels To Be Useless - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #work, #work ethic, #engineers, #stress, #reward, #laziness, #dedication

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: How's it feel to be the hardest-working employee in engineering? Alice: I feel tired, sore, exhausted, sick, angry, stressed out, and lonely. Wally: You probably don't want to know how good it feels to be useless.

Asok's Goal

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Asok's Goal - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #goals, #employment, #driver, #ride share, #rideshare, #dream, #turnover

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok: Is it important to have goals? Boss: Yes! You need goals to succeed. Asok: Good, because my goal is to become an Uber driver. I quit. What is your goal? Boss: Reducing employee turnover.

Boss Can't Be Your Friend

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Boss Can't Be Your Friend - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #boss, #double standard, #employee, #hierarchy, #lunch, #rank, #guest artist, #jake tapper

View Transcript

Transcript

Man: Do you want to go to lunch? Boss: I can't be your friend because I'm your boss. Someday I might need to fire you, and it would be awkward if we were friends. Alice: Want to go to lunch? Boss: Sure.

Recommening A Friend

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Recommening A Friend - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #bribe, #employee, #hiring, #money, #referral, #guest artist, #jake tapper

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Do you have any friends with technical skills who you can recommend to work here? Wally: I don't have any friends, but if I did, why would I be so mean to them? Boss: You get a $1,000 bonus for referring a friend. Wally: How much for a gullible acquaintance?

Wally Gets Referral Money

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Wally Gets Referral Money - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #bonus, #con, #deception, #hiring, #money, #referral, #scheme, #guest artist, #jake tapper

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: Stop! Why are you here? Man: I have an interview for a job as an engineer. Wally: My name is Wally. Tell Human Resources I referred you ad I'll get a $1,000 bonus. Boss: Have you noticed that all of our new hires were referred by the same person? Catbert: Sounds like we found our Employee Of The Year!